by Greg Schwem

“Hello! Thank you for downloading our app, which is guaranteed to take up valuable memory on your phone and ensure that, if you ever have a problem with our company, you now have the tools to solve it yourself. Which is why, on our website, you will not find any kind of contact information; only the sentence, ‘Most issues can be solved by downloading our app.’”
“First, we need a user name. Sorry, that name is not available. Nor is that one. Or that one. ‘Bootyliciousgranddad’? As weird as it sounds, even that one has been taken. ‘Greg79450854’ is available. Congratulations.”
“Now, please enter a password. It must contain one capital letter, one number, one special character you never knew existed on your keyboard, and another special character you create simply by pressing, simultaneously, ‘control/option/shift/return/command/function/tab/CAPS LOCK/>/<.’”
“That password is weak. Please try something stronger. May we suggest, ‘Pwb8*)@?!sV’?”
“Now, please re-enter the password. Sorry, the passwords didn’t match. Please check the spelling and be reminded that certain characters do look alike, particularly the ones we suggested for you.”
“Success! If you have not yet thrown your phone against a wall in anger, you are ready to use our app. Almost. First, we need to verify that you are you and not some robot that is capable of completing the user name and password steps. Please retype the following characters: 0oO1liImnmmnmnnOo0.”
“Please click here to request another series of characters that look like they came from an eye chart at your optometrist’s office. You have four more attempts.”
“Whew. You did it on your last try. Way to go! Now you just need to click on every square containing the color white.”
“Try this one. Click on every square where you see a road.”
“Close enough. You have successfully installed our app. Now, please download the latest version, 15.0.7.3.2, which we released while you were trying to find the roads. Please close all other apps on your phone while the installation takes place. The new version will be installed in approximately 13 minutes. Or three hours. Or two days if your internet connection sucks.”
“Your app is now up to date. You may sign in.”
“First, we need your credit card information and a scanned government issued ID. This could be a passport, driver’s license, Social Security card or anything else that could make your life a living hell if hackers stumble across it. But that isn’t going to happen. Rest assured; we NEVER share your personal information with outside sources. And we’re serious. That’s why we capitalized ‘NEVER.’”
“Now it’s time to link your credit card information to your digital wallet. Click here to establish a digital wallet. You might want to walk away from your phone for a few minutes, because establishing a digital wallet means creating another user name, password and avatar. Spend this time away from your phone by going to another device and Googling, ‘What is an avatar?’ Or just beat your head against a wall.”
“Make sure you store your digital wallet login information separately from where you keep your other password information. If you cannot access your digital wallet, you will NEVER be able to retrieve the funds you placed there during a night of drinking with your friends because Steve told you it was time to start investing in cryptocurrency. By the way, Steve did not offer to pick up the check. What does that tell you about crypto?”
“Please check your inbox for a verification email. Simply click the link and you will be able to use our app. If the email does not appear between 30 seconds and 24 hours, please check your spam folder. If you do find the email in your spam folder, please add our address to your ‘contacts’ folder so we can send you periodic updates about changes to the app. If you have questions, our chat bot is here to help.”
“Please be advised that our chat bot only knows how to say, ‘Refer to your app.’”
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.
You’ve enjoyed reading, and laughing at, Greg Schwem’s monthly humor columns in Senior Living News. But did you know Greg is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian? And he loves to make audiences laugh about the joys, and frustrations, of growing older. Watch the clip and, if you’d like Greg to perform at your senior center or senior event, contact him through his website at www.gregschwem.com)

After a national search, INTEGRIS Health is excited to share the selection of Brent Hubbard as the health care system’s new chief operating officer.
Hubbard comes to INTEGRIS Health most recently from Mercy Health System, Mercy Hospital Springfield Communities, where he serves as president and COO. Since 2016, his responsibilities were to lead the strategic direction of seven hospitals with administrative and operational oversight of 7,500 coworkers.
Prior to Hubbard’s current position, he served as the chief operating officer at Mercy Health System, Mercy Hospital Fort Smith Communities, and the chief operating officer at HCA, Medical Center of McKinney. Other roles he has held include associate administrator at HCA – Centennial Medical Center and executive director and director of marketing at Woodward Regional Hospital.
Hubbard received his Bachelor of Science in business administration from Oklahoma State University and his Master of Business Administration from Southwestern Oklahoma State University. He is an accomplished health care executive and brings to INTEGRIS Health a strong focus on performance metrics. He is a believer in continuous process improvement. Hubbard has extensive experience in improving physician and coworker engagement, quality measures and patient outcomes, and achieving operational excellence to include service line growth and expanding patient access to health care.
He and his wife, Hilary, were both raised in Oklahoma, Mooreland and Woodward respectively. They are excited to be moving, along with their three children, back to the great state of Oklahoma and joining the INTEGRIS Health team. Hubbard’s first day at INTEGRIS Health will be May 2.

Since 1951 the cannon used by William “Buffalo Bill” Cody and Gordon W. “Pawnee Bill” Lillie in their Wild West Show has been on display at the Oklahoma Historical Society (OHS) headquarters in Oklahoma City. It was first displayed outside the original OHS building at 2100 N. Lincoln Blvd., and then at the new Oklahoma History Center at 800 Nazih Zuhdi Drive. After more than 70 years in Oklahoma City, the cannon will return to the Pawnee Bill Ranch and Museum in Pawnee.
According to Ronny Brown, the Pawnee Bill Ranch and Museum director, the Model 1861, 3-inch ordnance rifle was cast in 1863 at the Phoenix Iron Company in Phoenixville, Penn. The gun reportedly saw service in several Civil War battles, including Missionary Ridge, before Pawnee Bill acquired it for use in the Wild West Show. After the Wild West Show, the gun found a home on the front lawn of Pawnee Bill and May Lillie’s mansion. Shortly before Pawnee Bill died in 1942, he gifted the gun to his longtime friend and publicist Frank Stuart. The carriage was in bad shape and continued to deteriorate as the gun sat in Stuart’s backyard in Oklahoma City for many years. Stuart died in 1950, and under his will the cannon was gifted to the OHS in 1951. The OHS had a new carriage built for the cannon, and has displayed it in Oklahoma City ever since. Now the gun is set to return home to the front lawn at the Pawnee mansion.
The OHS is providing $15,000 in matching funds toward the $30,000 needed to restore the carriage, build a suitable exhibit space, and move the cannon to Pawnee. “This has been a dream of the local community for many years, and we are so excited to be working on plans to make it happen,” said Mona Denney, president of the Pawnee Bill Ranch Association. “We are launching a fundraising drive to raise the $15,000 needed to complete the project. This will be a big attraction for the ranch, and we can’t wait to see it back home on the mansion lawn.”
“We are very pleased to be working with the community of Pawnee to bring the cannon back to the ranch,” said Trait Thompson, executive director of the OHS. “The project includes placing a flagpole near the cannon and lighting the front of the mansion and the cannon display. The cannon will be placed on a concrete pad with exhibit panels to tell the cannon’s story. Also included in the project is a new sidewalk to ensure the display is accessible to everyone,” continued Thompson.
“Come by for a visit and make a donation to the project to be a part of this opportunity,” said Denney. “If you can’t make it for a visit, give the ranch a call to make a donation at 918-762-2513.”
For more information about the Pawnee Bill Ranch and Museum or directions to the site, please visit www.okhistory.org/pawneebill or call the ranch at 918-762-2513. The Pawnee Bill Ranch and Museum is located at 1141 Pawnee Bill Road in Pawnee.

By Oklahoma Insurance Commissioner Glen Mulready

In Oklahoma, natural disasters are a tragic reality. Every year, disasters disrupt different parts of our state, leaving behind lasting effects on Oklahomans and property. After a disaster, many in our community need help and first responders may not be able to assist right away. That is why it’s important to Get Ready now. You and your family can take simple steps to Get Ready for emergencies and mitigate your risks. Here are some very easy but essential things you can do to Get Ready.
Document Your Property
One of the most important things you can do before a storm hits is to make a home inventory. Keep a detailed record of your valuable belongings to help you recover and file a claim more quickly. Take photos or videos to record your belongings and write down descriptions. Take photos or videos of the inside and outside of your home, including spaces like closets and cabinet interiors. Keep your inventory somewhere away from your home (i.e. safe deposit box, virtual cloud), where it can be accessed after a disaster.
Review Your Insurance
Disasters are a matter of when not if. Understand the risks you may face and talk to your agent to ensure that you have the insurance coverage you need for your property. For example, a standard homeowners policy does not cover floods, and you may need a separate wind and hail policy if you live in tornado-prone areas. It’s also important to prepare your property before the storm hits. Sometimes it is not the storm that directly causes the damage to your home but your possessions that are not secured in your yard. Cut down or trim trees that may be in danger of falling on your home. Secure outdoor objects that could blow away or cause damage.
Make a Plan
Lastly, having a plan in place and knowing how you will respond to the storm can make a significant impact. Be sure to have flashlights, food, water and a weather radio ready at all times. Know how you’ll contact one another and reconnect if separated. Establish a family meeting place that’s familiar and easy to find and practice that plan regularly. Sign up for your community’s alert and warning systems and make sure you understand what these alerts and warnings mean.
To help Oklahomans prepare for this storm season, we’re releasing the three-part column series—Mulready Says Get Ready: Before, During and After the Storm. This comprehensive series will provide you with detailed information on how best to prepare for disasters. In this series, I’ll explain general disaster preparedness tips for before, during and after disasters. Please follow #GetReadyOK and visit www.oid.ok.gov/getready for more information on how to Get Ready.
If you have questions about other insurance issues, please contact the Oklahoma Insurance Department at 1-800-522-0071 or visit our website at www.oid.ok.gov.

On March 22, 2022, at 10 a.m. the Oklahoma Historical Society (OHS) opened the Oklahoma State Capitol Museum, a state-of-the-art gallery space in the Oklahoma State Capitol. Created as part of the Oklahoma Capitol Restoration Project and located on the ground floor near the new primary public entrance on the south side of the Capitol, the Oklahoma State Capitol Museum contains 4,400 square feet of exhibit space and 13 exhibit cases, featuring more than 125 artifacts relating to the history of the Oklahoma State Capitol and the work of Oklahoma’s state government.
“The Oklahoma State Capitol Museum is a necessary addition to our Capitol Building,” said Lt. Gov. Pinnell. “No state can match our heritage and history, and these exhibits will provide Oklahomans and out-of-state visitors with a hands-on way to experience that history. I appreciate the hard work Trait Thompson and the rest of the Oklahoma Historical Society have put in to make this dream a reality.”
“The new Oklahoma State Capitol Museum provides a key educational component to our beautiful Capitol for visitors from around the world,” said Thompson. “The Oklahoma Historical Society has worked very hard to install exhibits that showcase the unique story of our Capitol and help people of all ages understand the important work that takes place within its walls. This museum is an integral part in making the Capitol a must-see destination when people come to Oklahoma City.”
Admission to the Oklahoma State Capitol Museum is free to all visitors. The museum will be open from Monday through Friday from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., and Saturday and Sunday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.