by Nick Thomas

While most of us will be remembering mothers on May 10 this year, entertainers who worked as child actors in television sitcoms may also have special memories of their ‘TV mom.’ For Paul Petersen, that was Oscar winner Donna Reed, matriarch from “The Donna Reed Show.”

“It’s kind of an archival look back at an iconic television show,” said Petersen who, like Reed, appeared in all 275 episodes during the series run from 1958 to 1966. “I wanted the book to not only examine the people who made the show, but to put television in the historical context of the period. During the 8 years, we went through a lot including illnesses, accidents, and national incidents from that era.”
One of the most memorable was the 1963 Kennedy assassination.
“We were rehearsing and a guy from the radio station across the street called with a real quiver in his voice asking for Donna,” said Petersen who remembers answering the phone. “Donna then told us the president had been shot and it shut down the studio. We just packed up and went home for a very painful weekend.”
Most of Petersen’s memories of the show are far more pleasant, however, like the first day filming on the set.
“Donna was from a little town in Iowa called Denison, in the county right next to where my mother was born around the same year,” he explained. “When I got the job, the most excited person in my family was my grandfather who insisted on taking me to work to film the pilot. He marched right up to Donna and said, ‘Donna Belle Mullenger (her birth name) I knew your dad!’”
Reed was gracious, and remained personable and well-liked throughout the series, according to Petersen. “We all got together for lunch and were very close – uniquely close compared to other television families.”
A potentially tragic incident occurred when Paul crashed his Pontiac Grand Prix during the series. But Donna came to his rescue.
“The accident was my fault and for punishment I had to ride a bicycle 8 miles to work every day. But Donna and Tony (her husband) felt sorry for me and gave me a brand-new Volkswagen Bug. I loved that car!”
During the show’s run, Petersen obviously called Reed ‘mom’ while filming, but it was always ‘Miss Reed’ away from the set.
“It wasn’t until four years after the show ended when I was in my mid-20s and we were at Chasen’s restaurant that I remember her learning across the table and saying, ‘Paul, I think it’s time you started calling me Donna!’”
Having a close ‘second mom,’ especially a famous one, could have created friction between Petersen’s real mother and the actress.
“I remember in an interview my mother said, ‘how could I ever compete with Donna Reed?’ But she understood I had an ongoing professional relationship with Donna that sometimes required spending more time with her than my actual mother.”
“Donna was my de facto mother and guardian on the set, a pretty safe person to leave your kids with,” added Petersen. “She was an Iowa bred farm girl, the oldest of five children, who had lived through the depression and came out to California to be a Hollywood star and succeeded. She was a wonderful role model.”
In 2018 for the anniversary of the show’s first broadcast, Petersen (and coauthor Deborah Herman) released “The Donna Reed Show: A Pictorial Memoir” (see www.micropublishingmedia.com).

Nick Thomas teaches at Auburn University at Montgomery and has written features, columns, and interviews for over 800 newspapers and magazines. See getnickt.org.

Paul H. and Evelyn Bourne were the first two COVID-19 patients to require hospitalization at INTEGRIS Canadian Valley Hospital in Yukon. The married couple came to the hospital together, both were listed in critical condition and both required intubation to breathe.
Six weeks later, we are happy to announce that both are making progress.
Evelyn, who was transferred to another hospital, was taken off of the ventilator today (Wednesday, April 29) and is showing improvement. While Paul is headed to INTEGRIS Jim Thorpe Rehabilitation.
The 71-year-old spent 11 days on a ventilator, a total of 23 days in the hospital and then another 15 days in a long-term acute care facility. But today, he got one step closer to going home. Here is the emotional send-off.
Paul is expected to spend approximately 14 days at INTEGRIS Jim Thorpe working to regain his strength and coordination. We hope Evelyn will soon follow his lead. It’s stories like these that keep our caregivers going. This is what makes our job worthwhile.

story and photo by Bobby Anderson, Staff Writer

At the time, none of us knew.
The patient we received from the emergency room was breathing 40-50 times a minute and maxed out on oxygen.
The bipap – the last line of oxygenation before a ventilator – wasn’t keeping up and the patient was struggling.
We knew the Coronavirus – or more technically, Covid-19 – was a thing.
Like all hospitals around us, there were whispers of a handful of patients on our campus being tested for it.
But they were in the ICU or on a separate floor, being taken care of by nurses with special personal protective equipment, wearing helmets and facemasks with powered air-purifying respirators.
Meanwhile, our patient was in respiratory distress.
Lab tests, chest x-rays and CT scans were reviewed along with a late call about the patient’s history.
The situation called for an ICU level of care.
The call from the patient’s doctor revealed COVID 19 was highly suspected.
That’s when COVID-19 became real for all of us in the room.
Outside the room, five respiratory therapists, the house supervisor and my charge nurse huddled together.
Eyebrows and voices raised.
The people I looked to most in the hospital for answers were without them.
Not only that, they were scared.
The bipap ventilation system was effectively aerosolizing the already contagious virus.
In layman’s terms, the high pressure flow made the viral particles even smaller and easier to transmit.
The surgical masks we were all wearing aren’t designed to be effective against the virus.
Two days later we learned the patient died while on a ventilator.
The day after that we learned results were positive for COVID-19.
Direct exposure was declared and all of us barred from returning to work for 14 days.
Nearly two weeks later we’re still learning.
Now I take my temperature twice a day and monitor for symptoms while logging everything online.
A fever over 100 degrees. A cough. Vomiting and diarrhea. Body aches.
All are symptoms of infection.
I haven’t been tested nor will I be tested unless I develop symptoms.
But my goal throughout this pandemic isn’t to complain or blame others. My goal, when I’m not at the bedside after my quarantine ends, is to highlight individuals who are helping turn the tide.
One of those individuals making a difference is Becky Lewis.
Lewis RN, MSN, CIC, is the system director of infection prevention for INTEGRIS, Oklahoma’s largest health system.
This virus has affected us all in different ways: personally, professionally and emotionally.
In Becky’s own words:
I see my family less and work more.
It is necessary but it is hard.
My five-year-old asks me when the sickness will be gone and my almost two-year-old cries when I come home because he knows that means it’s time to go to bed.
I come home and immediately start looking at any new common guidance documents from the CDC and the like to see if there were any revisions or updates overnight.
Every day I identify three to five items to focus on and work toward providing recommendations or guidance for each and relay that information to the system. The amount of updated or new information to digest is astounding.
I am currently on day 49 of non-stop COVID work. I am tired to my bones but know what I am doing is necessary and important work. I am working to keep our patients and caregivers safe.
I worry about the fear factor for our teams on the front line and the misinformation that can feel stronger than science.
My first week on the job as an infection preventionist was during H1N1 and it was wild, but we didn’t have the same social media presence that we do now and it is a strong element to work with and around.

Dear Savvy Senior, Do currently offered vaccines against pneumonia provide seniors any protection against the coronavirus disease? I’ve always been bad about getting vaccinated, but this coronavirus pandemic is causing me to change my thinking. Pro-Vax Patty

Dear Patty,
This is a great question. Because the coronavirus (COVID-19) attacks the lungs and respiratory system, many readers have asked whether the pneumonia vaccines, which are administered to millions of patients each year, might protect someone if they contract the coronavirus.
But unfortunately, the answer is no. Vaccines against pneumonia, such as pneumococcal vaccine and Haemophilus influenza type B vaccine, do not provide protection against the new coronavirus.
This virus is so new and different that it needs its own vaccine. Researchers are in the process of rapidly developing a vaccine against COVID-19, but it is expected to take at least a year before it’s ready.
Having said that, you should also know that there are several other important vaccines the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that all seniors should get up to date on after the coronavirus pandemic dies down. Here’s a rundown of what they are, when you should get them, and how they’re covered by Medicare.
Flu vaccine: While annual flu shots are recommended each fall to everyone, they are very important for older adults to get because seniors have a much greater risk of developing dangerous flu complications. According to the CDC, last year up to 647,000 people were hospitalized and 61,200 died because of the flu – most of whom were age 65 and older.
To improve your chances of escaping the seasonal flu, this September or October consider a vaccine specifically designed for people 65 and older. The Fluzone High Dose or FLUAD are the two options that provide extra protection beyond what a standard flu shot offers. And all flu shots are covered under Medicare Part B.
Pneumococcal vaccine: As previously stated, this vaccine protects against pneumonia, which hospitalizes around 250,000 Americans and kills about 50,000 each year. It’s recommended that all seniors, 65 or older, get two separate vaccines – PCV13 (Prevnar 13) and PPSV23 (Pneumovax 23). Both vaccines, which are administered one year apart, protect against different strains of the bacteria to provide maximum protection. Medicare Part B covers both shots if they are taken at least a year apart.
Shingles vaccine: Caused by the same virus that causes chicken pox, shingles is a painful, blistering skin rash that affects more than 1 million Americans every year. All people over age 50 should get the new Shingrix vaccine, which is given in two doses, two to six months apart. Even if you’ve already had shingles, you should still get this vaccination because reoccurring cases are possible. The CDC also recommends that anyone previously vaccinated with Zostavax be revaccinated with Shingrix because it’s significantly more effective.
All Medicare Part D prescription drug plans cover shingles vaccinations, but coverage amounts, and reimbursement rules vary depending on where the shot is given. Check your plan.
Tdap vaccine: A one-time dose of the Tdap vaccine, which covers tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis (whooping cough) is recommended to all adults. If you’ve already had a Tdap shot, you should get a tetanus-diphtheria (Td) booster shot every 10 years. All Medicare Part D prescription drug plans cover these vaccinations.
Other Vaccinations
Depending on your health conditions, preferences, age and future travel schedule, the CDC offers a “What Vaccines Do You Need?” quiz at www2.CDC.gov/nip/adultimmsched to help you determine what additional vaccines may be appropriate for you. You should also talk to your doctor during your next visit about which vaccinations you should get.
To locate a site that offers any of these vaccines, visit VaccineFinder.org and type in your location.
Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.

Photography and Text by Terry “Travels with Terry” Zinn t4z@aol.com

At press time leisure travel is not available or recommended, but it does not keep us from planning and revisiting destinations worthy of future consideration. Reminiscence is the safest kind of pleasure travel, sometimes called arm chair travel. For a few moments we have a respite from current news. In the following months this travel column will revisit previous personal travel experiences. Enjoy.
Some Florida resorts are located amid a massive amount of traffic and tourist activity. The Marriott Pompano Beach Resort and Spa is somewhat off the beaten track, and is boon for motorists, with their own transportation.
While a stroll within a mile of the property can be charming, there are not many cafes, restaurants or shops within the immediate area. If your desire is to get away from it all, and just ensconce yourself in a comfortable setting with pristine and maintained beaches, 2 pools, 2 towers of accommodations and delicious eating experiences, Marriott Pompano Beach Resort and Spa may be your ideal.
When you consider a visit to Florida at any time of year, it is important to keep in mind the annual hurricane season from mid-summer through September. Of course these days, predictable weather patterns of past years seem to be unpredictable. It’s a boon to Pompano that they are far North of Miami Beach with its recent health headlines. It also is North of Fort Lauderdale, and a comfortable distance from its neighbor Lauderdale-By-the-Sea, which is a more active community with its many eateries and entertainment options. Again motorists will find it near enough to quench a typical Florida tourist’s appetite.
Near Pompano is the Hillsboro Lighthouse, privately owned and only open for tours at certain times, being a coast guard operated property. Check them for opening times and tours, as you book your visit.
Happily, sequestered in your ninth floor ocean front room with balcony, you might find the sporadic afternoon thunderstorm a real 3-D entertainment, more impactful than the best free action disaster movie, shown on your large in room TV screen. Be sure and inquire about a corner suite room, for added luxury. As with many upscale hotels, housekeeping may be sporadic, even when alerting them to your out of room schedule.
Check in time is listed at 4 pm, but as someone I know had to do, you might have to wait until 6 pm, which will give you time to explore the property, Atlantic Ocean beach, Spa, and exercise room or grab a bite to eat.
McCoy’s restaurant both comfortably inside or out by the active pools, offers a variety of delectable meal options and beverages with congenial wait staff. If you’re a fan of specially cocktails, with the proper and courtesy instruction, they follow through with your requests most satisfactorily.
Florida still offers what many sun worshipers require and the family welcoming Marriott’s Pompano Beach Resort, might be your new favorite Florida oasis for you and your extended family.
For more information and reservations: www.marriott.com/fllpm

Mr. Terry Zinn – Travel Editor
Past President: International Food Wine and Travel Writers Association
3110 N.W. 15 Street – Oklahoma City, OK 73107
https://realtraveladventures.com/?s=terry+zinn
https://realtraveladventures.com/?s=zinn
http://new.okveterannews.com/?s=TERRY+ZINN
www.martinitravels.com

Mark Rolfe, M.D., is a Lung Transplant and Critical Care Pulmonologist at INTEGRIS Baptist Medical Center. He says we are starting to see an increase in COVID-19 cases requiring hospitalization. Many of those end up in the intensive care unit, where he works.
“The first time I walked into the room of a patient known to have COVID-19, I paused at the door,” admits Rolfe. “I was a little frightened at facing this disease for the first time.”
It was the first case to be diagnosed at INTEGRIS Baptist, and Rolfe reveals it brought back memories from early on in his career. “I grew up in medicine at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic and remember the hysteria around that diagnosis and all the precautions people took to not catch it. We initially wore hazmat suits with those patients and put them in different wings of the hospital.”
He continues, “It feels like I am living those days from my medical school years all over again. This disease, unlike HIV, is very contagious though. A person can spend five to six minutes with someone who is infected and catch this disease.”
In Rolfe’s ICU, every patient there either has the virus or is considered high risk. But despite the apparent danger associated with COVID-19, Rolfe feels his unit is very safe. “We have developed protocols that protect us, and everyone is very careful,” he says. “I feel I am more likely to get this disease shopping at the grocery store than in my hospital or ICU.”
He further explains, “In the public, there are unknown asymptomatic carriers who are very contagious and just don’t know it. In the hospital, I know where the danger is, and I am prepared to deal with it safely.”
Rolfe understands the importance of his work. “We are doctors. We are supposed to take care of the ill to the best of our ability. It is a challenge, but it is also a calling. God gave us these gifts for a reason. It’s time to step into the breach and use them.”
But don’t call him a hero, he says that honor is reserved for America’s finest. “Doctors are not heroes. We are doing what we were trained to do. Generations of physicians have fought off diseases throughout the years. It is our legacy. It is why we are respected in this society. The efforts to fight this disease and help people through it is the price of that respect,” states Rolfe.
“The people who put on a uniform and protect our country are the heroes.
Masks, gloves and hand washing will stop a virus. Nothing stops a bullet, a missile, a grenade, or a knife. The police and military are our heroes.”
However, Rolfe does acknowledge that the novel coronavirus has completely altered life as we knew it. He says each one of us has the power to reclaim it, we just have to work together to do so. “It’s all been said before, but it is worth repeating – wash your hands, don’t touch your face, avoid crowds and stay home to stay safe. Do what you can now, so you don’t become one of my patients later.”

story and photo by Vickie Jenkins, Staff Writer

Growing up in Holdenville, OK in the late sixties, people considered this as golden town living; a safe place to live, small in size and friendly folks. At the tender age of twelve, Barbara McDougal was like most girls, beginning to notice those once dreaded species called boys. She began to push her childish ways to the side, knowing that she would soon be a teenager. Barbara took notice of a certain boy that had just moved to the neighborhood, only one block away from her. She peeked out the window each time he walked by her house as he adventured out, exploring the mighty streets in the neighborhood.
As Barbara and her girlfriends gathered, Barbara found herself secretly pointing this boy out, telling them how cute he was, along with a firm statement of, “Someday, that boy is going to be mine.”
It wasn’t long before Barbara became more interested in this new boy in town. She would casually be sitting on the front porch at the most convenient planned out times. It wasn’t long before this boy walked by her house, stopping to introduce himself. It was just like one of those love stories on the big screen; the two of them stood there, gazing into each other’s eyes, as though a light suddenly came on. They knew the love bug had gotten to both of them. They had been love-struck!
His name was Bobby Aldridge and he was sixteen-year- old. He drove around town in his blue ‘57 Chevy and Barbara remembers the car being far out! After a few visits between the families and getting to know each other a little better, Barbara was allowed to meet Bobby for lunch at the local Dairy Queen. They spent their time holding hands as they listened to the juke box play some of their favorite music; Donavan’s Hurdy Gurdy Man and Tommy James and the Shondells. Soon, the relationship between the two of them progressed and they were inseparable!
In this time and age, when a boy liked a girl, he gave her a token of his love by giving her a drop, a necklace with the boy’s initials on it; Bobby’s initials being RLA. Now, they were going steady! The relationship between Barbara and Bobby was going perfect!
It was in 1970, that Barbara got the news that Bobby and his family were moving from Holdenville, to Oklahoma City, OK. No, this couldn’t happen! Both families hated to see the sweet couple separate but it had to be. Bobby’s dad had taken on a new job in Oklahoma City, OK. After the move, frequent visits were made by Barbara as her parents would drive to OKC, allowing Barbara to spend as much time as possible with Bobby. Little did they know that their relationship would be coming to an end in the near future.
Life brings changes when we least expect it and our paths take off in different directions.
Barbara graduated in 1974 and attended Oklahoma State University. This was a whole new world for her; college, new friends and discoveries of being an adult. Barbara became an LPN in 1978, working in Stillwater, OKC and even moved to Dallas, Texas for a while. Barbara realized that she needed to go back to school for her RN. She moved back to OKC in 2007 to begin RN school at OSU/OKC.
Time moves on. Barbara had just finished one of her classes and decided to go a near-by restaurant for lunch. As she sat at a booth, she noticed a gentleman sitting at a booth, across the room, not far from her. Taking a second look, he looked very familiar. Was it Bobby? With a feeling of nervousness and a little flushed, she got up and walked over to him. Yes, it was Bobby! They enjoyed talking to each other and reminisced about old times. Their love story picked up where they left off.
Barbara and Bobby were married on October 7, 2017. Barbara wore his initials, RLA as a charm on her charm bracelet in their wedding. This was the something old for her wedding.
Now, it’s the year 2020. Bobby is a homebuilder in OKC and Barbara is an RN at Mercy Rehab Hospital. Today, they still hold hands as they listen to some of their favorite music; Donavan’s Hurdy Gurdy Man and Tommy James and the Shondells.
From first love to last love, fifty-one years later and the love is still growing.

* As of this advisory, there are 3,280 confirmed positive cases of COVID-19 in Oklahoma.
* There are three additional deaths; zero occurred in the past 24 hours and the others died between April 24-April 25.
* One in Tulsa County, a male in the 65 and older age group.
* One in Carter County, a female in the 50-64 age group.
* One in Wagoner County, a female in the 65 and older age group.
* There are 197 total deaths in the state.
Note: The number of total cumulative negative specimens, total cumulative number of specimens to date, and the number currently hospitalized reported below are compiled through the Executive Order reports submitted to the governor. These reports are not submitted on the weekend, and therefore, those numbers found in this report will be updated Tuesday. All other numbers listed in this report are current.
* The American Association on Health and Disability (AAHD) has created a survey to assess health care and health care access challenges people with disabilities are encountering with the COVID-19 pandemic. The survey is open until May 1 and can be found here.
* A list of COVID-19 testing sites in the state can be found here.
* For more information, visit coronavirus.health.ok.gov.

*The total includes laboratory information provided to OSDH at the time of the report. Total counts may not reflect unique individuals.
**This number is a combination of hospitalized positive cases and hospitalized persons under investigation, as reported by hospitals at the time of the report. The data reflect a change in calculation and should not be compared to prior data.

by Bobby Anderson, Staff Writer

Now, more than ever, people need quality care at home from providers who can make sense of a daily changing healthcare environment.
For more than 50 years, people have turned to Interim HealthCare for that quality, compassionate care.
Ashley Simms, LPN, has been with Interim for two of those years, serving now as the assistant manager of sales operations.
“We realize for seniors and those with serious underlying health conditions home is the best place for them to be during this time,” Simms said.
While state and local governments mandate people stay at home to flatten the curve on Covid-19, care is needed more than ever inside the home.
“I think at this time it’s so critical … because legislatively there’s a lot of focus on hospitals which is important but these patients are going to come home and somebody has to take care of them,” Simms said. “There are so many factors that go into Covid that many people don’t consider such as fear and mental health.”
Interim HealthCare offers a full suite of services including: home healthcare, hospice care, personal care and support, veteran and spouse care, palliative care, behavioral health as well as neonatal and pediatric home care.
Interim offers services in Canadian, Cleveland, Grady, Kingfisher, Lincoln, Logan, McClain, Oklahoma, Payne and Pottawatomie counties.
The care extends beyond medical.
“Our social workers work diligently to help assist patients in obtaining necessary and basic items such as food and shelter which helps to drive down fear for our patients, especially in a time of crisis like this,” Simms said.
For several years, healthcare delivery has been trending more and more to a home setting to help curb rising medical costs. That means patients are coming home quicker and sicker than they ever have before.
And the hospital penalties for patients who readmit for the same diagnosis within 30 days can be substantial.
That’s why hospitals and other facilities rely on providers like Interim to stand in the gap and make sure patients safely recover at home.
With Covid-19 forcing more and more Oklahomans to stay at home, monitoring these high risk patients and intervening before they become sick has taken on an even greater importance.
Simms said Interim has long provided telehealth options for patients for daily monitoring of things like blood pressure, oxygen saturation and weight.
“A lot of times that provides calm to those patients because they are able to see somebody,” Simms explained. “It helps us keep an eye on our patients. Due to the restrictions that have been loosened for healthcare in general right now if the patient has a smartphone we’re able to FaceTime with them.”
Being unable to get out to doctor appointments can cause a sense of panic. Simms understands that.
“We’re also trying to drive down the fear with our patients because we’re trained and we know how this process works,” Simms said. “We’re not scared and know how to take care of you. There’s a lot of fear circling. We have to be the forefront of education.”
Being able to talk to patients in their own home at their own pace is an invaluable piece of the puzzle. Simms said Interim providers are able to have those conversations that rely on facts not the latest headlines.
“I believe we do an excellent job during this scary time,” Simms said. “At the top, it’s important we support our nurses. I think being the calm in the storm is what we do best. Before Covid, we took high-risk patients.”
“Because that’s already our platform, Covid was just a step up for us. We’re able to educate why (a patient) might be at more risk. We’re able to take that time, take those precautions and provide that education.”
Interim is locally owned and part of a national network of more than 300 offices.
Employing more than 75,000 healthcare workers, Interim provides care to more than 50,000 patients each day.
Simms explained Interim revolves around key concepts including: preparation and training, monitoring and reporting, alternative methods of care, high standards of safety and an emergency preparedness plan.
And in these trying times, Simms said Interim has made it a greater focus to love on its frontline staff.
From lunches and breakfasts to special personal protective equipment including floor mats and car seat covers, Interim is protecting those who protect us all.
“At Interim we believe we are all in this together and I think being the calm in the storm is what we do best.”

by Greg Schwem

The ongoing stay-at-home order has forced most of us to seek amusement by posting photos of ourselves from bygone eras to our social media accounts.
“Share your high school senior picture” was trending last week; a challenge I was about to undertake until I read how doing so could invite hackers to glean more information about me, such as where I attended school, where I currently lived and who did such a horrible job cutting my hair in 1980.
Security experts also warned that more information could be easily obtained once this information was known, as many people choose to use their high school as a security answer or worse, their password. Those of you who attended Catholic schools need not worry; even the most skilled hacker is probably going to give up before guessing, “AcademyOfOurLadyOfGoodCounsel1994.”
Despite not participating, I enjoyed seeing these throwback photos, from graduation and other events, posted by friends. Did everybody in the 1970s wear thick, black horn-rimmed glasses and look like they worked for the Apollo space program?
Ladies, if you attended college in the early 1980s, did the law require you to part your hair down the middle and then feather it back with enough aerosol to start a salon?
And guys, did you not realize that only David Coverdale, from Whitesnake, and Jon Bon Jovi could pull off the big hair, pompadour look? The rest of you had that “just exited a wind tunnel” look.
Tom, my long-time comedian friend in New York, often reminds me why he has never jumped on the fashion bandwagon. “The hipper your clothes are today, the more ridiculous photos of you are going to look in 20 years,” he says on stage.
I won’t argue.
When scientists find a vaccine for COVID-19, the “all clear” signal is given, and life returns to whatever is subsequently defined as “normal,” we will all be left with treasure troves of photos taken during the pandemic. And in future decades, when those photos find their way into school history books (assuming schools and books still exist) or onto social media sites, viewers won’t need to look at a hairstyle, a car in the background or an item of clothing to determine the photo was indeed shot in 2020.
For starters, the viewer only has to see the photo’s dimensions. It will most likely be shot vertically, with a 9-by-16 aspect ratio. The photo will contain only one subject. Correction, one HUMAN subject. Animals may be included, but more people? Absolutely not, for they will all be standing at least 6 feet away and, therefore, out of frame.
The subject will be wearing sweatpants and a faded T-shirt containing some semblance of the slogan, “We’re All in this Together.” He or she will be shoeless. Men will have facial stubble; sadly, so will some women. Hairstyles won’t have complimentary names like “The Rachel,” “Charlie’s Angels” or “The David Hasselhoff.” Instead, all hair will fall into the “Dang, That Should Have Been Cut Weeks Ago” category.
Photos of celebratory occasions will feature one participant, perfectly centered, wearing a “Happy Birthday” or “Congratulations” party hat, while grainy, square images of others hover overhead. The word “Zoom” will appear somewhere.
The “guess where this photo was taken” game will be boring once everybody realizes the answer is always the same: “Uh, your house?” Kids who play sports won’t appear in photos wearing brightly colored uniforms while baseball diamonds and soccer fields glisten behind them. Instead, the background will be a basement wall or a garage door. Youth basketball players, take heart: At least the vertical photos will make you look taller than you are.
Since the stay-at-home order began in mid-March, I have neglected to take many photos, so anxious am I to erase this moment from my life, rather than record it for future viewing. I did break down last weekend and post a selfie, snapped while my wife cut my hair. The pandemic, I realized, would not date it.
Trust me, even without a global health crisis, that image is horrifying and depressing.
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.)

You’ve enjoyed reading, and laughing at, Greg Schwem’s monthly humor columns in Senior Living News. But did you know Greg is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian? And he loves to make audiences laugh about the joys, and frustrations, of growing older. Watch the clip and, if you’d like Greg to perform at your senior center or senior event, contact him through his website at www.gregschwem.com)