by Greg Schwem

I’ll admit it: I’m a great eavesdropper. A professional eavesdropper even.
I’ve elevated myself to the pro ranks. Not only is my hearing excellent when I’m within the vicinity of your cellphone conversation or public banter, but I will go to great lengths to be near you if I feel I’m going to overhear something of interest.
I’m not stalking you; at least I don’t believe I am. Full disclosure: I’m a full-time stand-up comedian and most of my material germinates from something I hear in passing from total strangers. A perfect example? The airline pilot, waiting for an incoming flight to arrive at O’Hare, telling the recipient of his cellphone conversation that he’d crave a “tall skinny blonde about now” Turns out he was placing a Starbucks order.
I thought it was funny. So did the audience that evening.
Years ago, I was exiting Bally’s Las Vegas Hotel and Casino when a red Ferrari pulled up to the valet entrance. I paused, expecting to see a movie star or famous athlete emerge, engulfed in a sea of paparazzi flashbulbs. Instead, two males, who looked as if they had yet to experience the ordeal of driver’s license renewal, exited.
I immediately made a beeline and went back inside, hoping to overhear something of interest. Certainly, two kids in their early 20s, and in possession of an automobile costing north of a quarter million dollars, would have SOMETHING interesting to say.
My plan disintegrated when the pair sat down at a bank of penny slots machines. I’m sorry but nobody playing penny slots has anything interesting to say. Most likely they are angry or depressed, perhaps because they blew all their money on a Ferrari.
Sadly, my penchant for eavesdropping is no longer fun. The reason? I already know what you’re talking about.
The vaccine.
What else do we have to talk about? After a year without live entertainment, exotic travel destinations and succulent restaurant meals, what’s left to share with our friends? Only our vaccine status.
Sometimes I don’t even have to get within earshot to know this is the topic of conversation. If I see you pointing to your left shoulder, I know you just got the vaccine. If you are waving your arm in a circular motion, I know you experienced pain after receiving a dose of the vaccine.
Prior to the pandemic, if I heard a stranger saying, “just got my first one,” my mind raced with endless possibilities. Your first what? Promotion? Social Security check? Online dating response? But I no longer need to guess. You just got your first shot, didn’t you?
If I detect the phrase, “which one?” you can only be referring to Pfizer, Moderna or Johnson & Johnson. If I hear “any issues?” I keep walking, because there’s nothing funny about sticking around listening to anyone mention their flu-like symptoms, persistent soreness or 24-hour fatigue.
What’s best for the country is the worst for me, when it comes to eavesdropping. As the vaccine becomes available to wider demographics, it’s no longer just senior citizens who are discussing it. Millennials, Gen Z and, in some states, teens are comparing their vaccine experiences, much to my dismay. It’s only a matter of time before I hear two toddlers adding words like “appointment” and phrases such as “lasting side effects” to their new vocabularies.
Don’t get me wrong, America; I’m passionate about vaccination. So passionate that, if I overhear somebody say, “I’m still on the fence…” I’m likely to stop and say, “Why are you hesitant? We have a chance to end this pandemic. GO GET VACCINATED.” Oh, sure, there’s a chance the recipient of my wrath could be talking about which highway commission candidate he or she is going to vote for in an upcoming municipal election, but I doubt it.
By the way, I have been vaccinated. But I’m not going to endlessly droll on about a single topic with everybody I’ve ever met or plan to meet.
That’s why Facebook was invented.
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.
You’ve enjoyed reading, and laughing at, Greg Schwem’s monthly humor columns in Senior Living News. But did you know Greg is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian? And he loves to make audiences laugh about the joys, and frustrations, of growing older. Watch the clip and, if you’d like Greg to perform at your senior center or senior event, contact him through his website at www.gregschwem.com)

Enjoy summer sunsets, cool cocktails and wondrous wildlife at the Zoo’s annual 21 and up event series

Join the Oklahoma City Zoo and Botanical Garden every Thursday evening beginning May 6 through June 24, from 6 to 10 p.m., for the second-annual Sip and Stroll presented by COOP Ale Works, 1800 Tequila and Kraken Rum. Guests 21-and-older are invited to explore an outdoor path that spans the majority of the OKC Zoo to discover amazing animals from around world and delicious drinks along the way. The Zoo will host a special PRIDE Sip and Stroll event on Thursday, June 24, with exclusive drinks and activities.
During this summer event series, guests can stop and enjoy one of six watering holes with two brand new locations. Each watering hole features custom cocktails inspired by the world’s wildlife and wild places including Zimbabwe, Guatemala and Belize. Guests will also have an opportunity to learn what the Zoo is doing to protect and preserve the natural world through global conservation partnerships with the Wildlife Trafficking Alliance, Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund International and Turtle Survival Alliance. Guests can also enjoy the full menu of tasty favorites available for purchase at the Lotus Pavilion and Best of Oklahoma.
“We are really excited to host Sip and Stroll again this year after last year’s success,” said Jenna Dodson, OKC Zoo’s events manager. “This series gives the 21-and-up crowd a unique way to connect with friends, while exploring the Zoo and learning about wildlife and conservation.”
While the majority of the Zoo will be open for exploration, the giraffe loop and Oklahoma Trails will be closed for guest safety. As part of the event, guests will be able to purchase tickets to enjoy access to Flamingo Mingle, Stingray Bay and the Endangered Species Carousel.
Early bird tickets are available now for ZOOfriends members through Sunday, April 18. Tickets go on sale to the public starting Monday, April 19. Limited VIP admission is $40 per person and includes early entry to the event, a special sea lion presentation, Stingray Bay and Explorikeet Adventure plus, access to DINO SAFARI, an immersive experience featuring life-sized dinosaurs. General Sip and Stroll admission is $25 per person. Purchase admission early and receive $2 off per person through Sunday, April 26, with the code SIPANDSAVE. Learn more about the event and purchase tickets at okczoo.org/sipandstroll. Event entry times are spaced every 15 minutes to allow for maximum social distancing. Attendance is limited to 1,200 guests per night. Once checked in, guests are free to stay throughout the duration of the event.
Attendees can also pre-purchase a Drink Passport, good for one 5-oz featured drink sample at all six water holes for an additional $30 per person. Additional beverages will be available for purchase, including domestic beer, wine, mixed drinks, soda and water. Tickets are on sale now and can be purchased at okczoo.org/sipandstroll. Sip and Stroll tickets are non-refundable and non-transferable, and the event will be held rain or shine.
Safari-fy your summer with Sip and Stroll! Located at the crossroads of I-44 and I-35, the OKC Zoo is a proud member of the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the American Alliance of Museums, Oklahoma City’s Adventure District and an Adventure Road partner. Regular admission is $12 for adults and $9 for children ages 3-11 and seniors ages 65 and over. Children two and under are admitted free. Stay up-to-date with the Zoo on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and by visiting Our Stories. Zoo fans can support the OKC Zoo by becoming Oklahoma Zoological Society members at ZOOfriends.org. To learn more about these and other happenings, call (405) 424-3344 or visit okczoo.org.

Story by Darl Devault, Feature Writer

When Kara Sanders, 72, heard about a local program from her daughter Michele offering to weatherize their home for free in South Oklahoma City she wondered how much they would do to her home since 1968.
When the Community Action Agency of Oklahoma City and Oklahoma/Canadian Counties’ Weatherization Program was through she was impressed. She now offers the best testimonial by saying she is strongly recommending to her sister, Janelle Jones, 82, to apply for the free service for her home only a few blocks away.
Sanders is delighted with the completeness of the weatherization every time she turns on her hot water. “Before the workers put an insulating blanket around my hot water tank, I needed to run the hot water a while before it became hot,” Sanders said. “Now my daughter and I are making the adjustment in the last few days to that wonderful feeling of instant hot water.”
After the recent frigid cold snap in Oklahoma City where residents saw 17 and 14 degree below zero mornings, seniors have many reasons to consider applying for free help to weatherize their homes.
“Every program our organization offers strives to create permanent solutions for those in our community,” said Jessie Thompson, executive director of Community Action Agency. “Weatherization is no different. These changes create lasting effects for our clients, including lower utility bills, eliminating health, safety and sanitary hazards to offer peace of mind to homeowners and renters alike.”
Thompson was named executive director of the nonprofit, Community Action Agency (CAA) of Oklahoma City and Oklahoma/Canadian Counties, Inc., in January 2020, after a 14-year tenure with the organization.
Mark Hall headed up the five-worker crew spending three days making sure the Sanders’ home complies with national standards as the agency’s weatherization coordinator. The work is evident, even on the outside, where the workers replaced a big part of the rotting south exterior wall cladding to help close air leaks.
Hall emphasized they use computerized blower doors to detect all air leakage in the home. Then they decided which were the most cost-effective repairs.
For the Sanders home they added extra insulation in the attic. The licensed workers drilled and filled the walls with insulation. To seal a major air leak they also rebuilt the water heater closet to national standards and provided more insulation.
The workers installed new features in the home. They put in a bathroom ceiling vent and a kitchen ducted range hood that vents outside the home. Workers added tubing and a vent to allow the dryer to vent to the outside. To address health and safety concerns they also installed carbon monoxide sensors and smoke detectors.
The agency uses the national standard National Energy Audit Tool (NEAT) energy audit to guide how much work to perform on each home. This audit and compliance with standards are supported by two agency assessors visiting the home before the work and two inspectors visiting the home upon the work’s completion. They coordinate to make sure the home is repaired to comply with national standards.
“I feel blessed, now my daughter and I don’t have to worry about our home not being healthy and safe because we know it is sealed from any gas leaks.” Sanders said. “The workmen were professional in showing respect for my daughters’ privacy while they worked, since she is on oxygen with COPD while almost homebound here.”
Now, multi-family homes, quads and duplexes are eligible to receive services, something CAA was not able to do in the past. CAA offers this program for homes and residents with disabilities and households with children under the age of 12. There is an income requirement to apply. This program has proven to be extremely beneficial for senior residents in need in Oklahoma, Canadian, or Cleveland counties.
In the big picture weatherization can lead to fewer hospitalizations and trips to the emergency room, especially for those with asthma. By sealing, caulking, and adding door and window installation insulation, Hall says the home is often twice as energy efficient. These efforts offer residents permanent solutions to help save money by increasing energy efficiency. On average, residents save $40 per month on utility bills after CAA’s Weatherization program.
For information about the program see Community Action Agency of Oklahoma City & OK/CN Counties, Inc. (caaofokc.org)
If you are interested in receiving Weatherization Assistance, please complete this brief application. For more information or if you have questions, please call (405) 232.0199 to ask for Home Weatherization, or email [email protected].

Dear Savvy Senior, I’ve been told that my two children, ages 14 and 16, may be eligible for Social Security when I file for my retirement benefits. Is this true? What can you tell me? Viagra Daddy

Dear Viagra,
It’s true. If you’re age 62 or older and are still raising young children, there’s a Social Security benefit strategy that can put some extra money in your family coffers.
Here’s how it works. When you file for Social Security retirement benefits, your minor children can get money on your work record equaling half of what you would receive at full retirement age, now gradually rising from 66 to 67. Even if you were to take a smaller benefit by claiming earlier, your kids will still get half of your full-retirement age amount.
To qualify, your daughter – whether she’s biological, adopted or a stepdaughter – must be unmarried and under age 18. Kids that are over 18 but still in high school, can collect too until they graduate or turn 19, whichever comes first. (Other rules apply to kids that are disabled.)
But that’s not all.
Because one of your children is only 14, your wife (if you’re married) can collect Social Security benefits on your work record too, and it doesn’t matter if she’s just 40 years old. The minimum age requirements to collect retirement benefits (62) or survivor benefits (60) does not apply when it comes to collecting benefits as the caregiver of a young child. The spouse’s benefit, which is also worth up to half of your benefit, will stop when your daughter turns 16.
But note that there are limits to the amount of money that can be paid to a family. The Social Security “family maximum payment” is determined by a complex formula and can range from 150 to 180 percent of your full retirement benefit amount. If the total exceeds that, each person’s benefit, except yours, is cut proportionately until it equals the maximum.
Here’s an example of how that’s figured. Let’s say, for example, that your full retirement age benefit is $2,400 per month. That would make your family maximum benefit (according to the Social Security formula at SSA.gov/oact/cola/familymax.html) roughly $4,200 per month.
Subtract your $2,400 benefit from the $4,200 family maximum benefit, which leaves $1,800. That’s the monthly amount that can be split between your two children – $900 each. If your wife wants in on it too, the individual checks are smaller, at $600 a piece, but the family amount is the same.
You should also know that minor children can collect up to half of a disabled parent’s Social Security disability benefit. And if the parent dies, they will get a survivor’s benefit, which is up to 75 percent of the deceased parent’s basic Social Security benefit.
To learn more, see the SSA publication (No. 05-10085) “Benefits for Children” at SSA.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf.
One Caveat
Social Security benefits for your kids may not be available before full retirement age if you are still working. In 2021, you will lose $1 in benefits for every $2 earned over $18,960, except in the year you reach full retirement age. In that case, the earnings limit is $50,520, with $1 in benefits withheld for every $3 earned over the limit.
If you lose your benefits, your dependents also lose theirs. You can recoup those payments later, but your kids can’t.

Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.

Covid-Delayed World Premiere of Choral and Orchestral Piece Inspires Community Collaborations, Multimedia Event on May 16

Canterbury Voices, Oklahoma’s largest and oldest community chorus, will present an original commission, Of Perpetual Solace, featuring soloist-cantor Lisa Reagan Love and the Oklahoma City Philharmonic, on Sunday, May 16, at 3:00 PM, at the Civic Center Music Hall in Oklahoma City.
The 45-minute work – in commemoration of the 25th Anniversary of the Murrah Building Bombing – was written by Oklahoma composer Edward Knight and librettist M.J. Alexander for full orchestra, cantor, large chorus, chamber choir and children’s chorus. The husband-and-wife team, who live within walking distance of the bombing site, drew inspiration from conversations with survivors.
Originally scheduled to premiere in March 2020, Of Perpetual Solace was postponed due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, and has been rescheduled for Sunday, May 16, 2021, at 3:00 PM. Canterbury, led by artistic director Dr. Randi Von Ellefson, reimagined rehearsals and performances in light of the pandemic and found a way to sing again through the innovative use of specialized singers’ masks developed by the Broadway Relief Project; socially-distanced rehearsals and safety protocols; a pared-down chorus; the OKC Philharmonic orchestra; and the power of video production, featuring clips from the Oklahoma City National Memorial and Museum. Sibling audio/video team Matt and Pat Horton of Norman are the production team for this monumental project and helped Canterbury create this special presentation.
A large-scale, multimedia concert event, Of Perpetual Solace will also feature a 47-voice children’s chorus and 18-member adult ensemble. “I feel I’ve been preparing my entire life to write this music,” said composer Edward Knight. “It has been years in the making, and demanded that I tap deep into our shared human spirit to bring out the essence of what is good and important and lasting.”
Due to strict health and safety protocols, six hundred socially-distanced audience members will be allowed into the Civic Center Music Hall, one-third of the normally 2,400 seats. The performance will also be offered as an on-demand streaming event from May 23 to June 20, 2021.
Of Perpetual Solace progresses from darkness into light – toward an embrace of comfort, hope, and serenity. “This is the most ambitious commission we have undertaken in our 51-year history,” Pam Mowry, Canterbury’s Executive Director, said. “It is an epic work that has a profound meaning to so many of us. It was written by Oklahomans for Oklahomans, and offered to all who have dealt with grief, mourning, and recovery.”

All 19 Metropolitan Library System libraries welcome customers to come in and sit and stay beginning Saturday, May 1.
Sit and Stay service includes computer use by reservation, study room use, browsing and limited seating to accommodate reading and Wi-Fi usage and copy/fax/scan use. Seating will be spaced to one chair per table. Computers are limited to two (2) sessions of one-hour each per day. Masks are required for all customers.
“We invite guests to continue to come in and use the library with more services available in this stage,” Larry White, MLS Executive Director said. “With school out for most of the summer, we are glad to have more reading areas available for both students and non-students to use.”
Online programs and events via social media continue to be very popular. Other online services available are LearningExpress and HelpNow for students, “Book-A-Librarian” for general library help, genealogy help one-on-one, Hoopla and Kanopy streaming movies and tv, JobNow for job and career help and more.
Hours to the public are Mondays-Thursdays 9:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m., Fridays 9:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m., Saturdays 9:00 a.m – 4:00 p.m. and Sundays 1:00 – 5:00 p.m. Curbside pickup hours are Mondays through Fridays 1:00 – 6:00 p.m., Saturdays 1:00 – 5:00 p.m and from 1:00 -6:00 p.m. on Sundays. For more information, contact (405) 231-8650 or at [email protected].

By Nick Thomas

While some entertainers are renowned for their personal and professional demands while working, Ruta Lee never aspired to be a diva. Acting nonstop in film, TV, and theater since the early 1950s, she tackled projects with professionalism.
“There was no time to throw fits because you had to work quickly as you rapidly went from job to job,” recalled Lee from Los Angeles.
Off-screen tasks were also approached with her trademark zeal. In 1964, she called the office of the Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev to secure the release of her 90-year-old Lithuanian grandmother held since World War II in a Siberian internment camp.
A decade earlier, Lee approached her first film role as one of the brides in “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” with similar resolve. “During the dance audition, the producers and director asked me to show them something folksy. Because of my Lithuanian descent, I danced up a storm with a polka and got the role.”
She was paired with gifted dance partner Matt Mattox in the beloved MGM musical and remembers one rehearsal.
“He lifted me high off a bench and I sprained my ankle when I landed. So I learned most of the choreography from a sitting position, but still managed to do most of the dancing in the big barn-raising number.”
Many stories from the actress’s career and life can be found in her April 5 autobiography “Consider Your Ass Kissed,” the edgy-sounding title merely reflecting the genuine gratitude she feels for the people she worked with. She also celebrates a birthday this month, turning 86 on May 30.
A quick study, Lee learned an early valuable lesson in on-set protocol when she boogied her way into one of her first TV roles – a 1953 episode of “The Adventures of Superman.”
“It was a short dance scene in a café and I decided to rehearse during lunch hour,” she explained. “But when I plugged in the record player, someone grabbed me and said, ‘you can’t do that, you don’t belong to the electrician’s union!’”
Lee went on to make hundreds of appearances in TV series as well as games shows such as “Hollywood Squares” and “High Rollers” (as Alex Trebek’s dice roller), but westerns were a favorite (see www.rutalee.com). And while many cowboys chased her, only one came close to catching her off-screen.
“Most of the dating I did was for publicity purposes and never had any real romances with actors except Eric Fleming from ‘Rawhide.’ What a darling man, but the most he got was a goodnight kiss!”
Her serious relationships were always with businessmen, she says, not show business men. In the midst of her rising career, Lee met Texas restaurant executive Webster B. Lowe, Jr., and the couple soon married. They were together for 46 years until his death last year.
Lee has also been a tireless voice for charitable organizations such as the Thalians raising millions of dollars through her leadership role to support people with mental health problems, including returning veterans (see www.thalians.org).
And then there was that phone call to Khrushchev’s office to rescue her Siberia-bound grandmother.
“Within 48 hours we were flying over to bring her back to America. So I’ve had an interesting life and I’m always involved with something. It’s been a long, wonderful, and fruitful career.”
Nick Thomas teaches at Auburn University at Montgomery, Ala., and has written features, columns, and interviews for over 850 magazines and newspapers and is the author of “Raised by the Stars: Interviews with 29 Children of Hollywood Actors.” See www.getnickt.org.

Nick Thomas teaches at Auburn University at Montgomery, Ala., and has written features, columns, and interviews for over 850 newspapers and magazines. See www.getnickt.org.

Stephen M. Prescott, M.D., who led the largest expansion in the Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation’s history, will retire as president.
Prescott, 73, made the announcement Tuesday at a meeting of OMRF’s board of directors. Prescott was diagnosed with cancer in 2017 and said he was stepping down for health reasons. Since 2006, he has led the Oklahoma City-based nonprofit, which will mark its 75th anniversary later this year.
“The time I’ve spent at OMRF has been the capstone to a scientific career that has been immensely rewarding,” said Prescott, a physician and medical researcher. “I’ve been lucky enough to help guide this wonderful institution for 15 years. And nothing makes me happier than knowing the scientists of OMRF will continue the tradition of biomedical research excellence long after I’ve gone.”
Under Prescott, OMRF has three times earned designation by the National Institutes of Health as an Autoimmunity Center of Excellence, one of only 10 in the nation. Three life-changing drugs born at OMRF have earned FDA approval, including the first treatment for pain crises caused by sickle cell disease.
With the addition of a 186,000-square-foot research tower that included a multiple sclerosis clinic in 2011, Prescott engineered the largest campus expansion ever at OMRF. He also successfully completed a $100 million fundraising initiative that paid for that growth, then spearheaded the recruitment of more than 30 new principal scientists to fill the new labs and clinic space.
In rankings based on employee surveys, OMRF has earned a designation as one of Oklahoma’s Top Workplaces every year since the contest began in 2013. That includes a pair of blue ribbons among large employers in 2017 and 2019. During Prescot’s tenure, the foundation also received more than a dozen four-star rankings – the highest possible – from Charity Navigator, the nation’s largest evaluator of nonprofits.
“Dr. Steve Prescott’s leadership of OMRF has been transformative,” said Len Cason, chair of OMRF’s board of directors. “As a scientist and as a person, he dared not just to think big, but to transform those ideas into action. He challenged everyone at OMRF to reach new standards of excellence, and then he followed through and made sure it happened.”
Prescott was inducted into the Oklahoma Hall of Fame in 2020. In his acceptance speech, he recalled how he’d been recruited to Oklahoma from the University of Utah’s Huntsman Cancer Institute, where he’d served as executive director. “Len Cason told me that OMRF was the right place for me. He was right.”
The executive committee of OMRF’s board of directors will name an acting successor to Prescott soon. A nationwide search for a permanent replacement will follow.
“I’ve had the great fortune to live a charmed life. I’ve spent each day immersed in medical research,” said Prescott. “When you do something you love, you don’t work a day in your life.”

Our Life enrichment coordinator, Laura Leehan is an avid collector of thrift shop art and her office has literally been transformed into a small art gallery. Two years ago she purchased an original painting of wild pink roses at the Salvation Army for $17. Several weeks ago Laura took notice of a painting in a residents apartment that bore a striking resemblance to her pink roses.
Upon closer inspection she realized that the signature in the lower right corner of the painting, “Julie 79” was identical to the signature on her painting. She rushed to her office, grabbed the painting off the wall and could not wait to show Julie! Julie was thrilled to see her long lost art work and told us that in 1979 she began painting flowers. It was a brief but prolific season for her as an artist and most of her work was sold or given away. I would not be surprised if there are more pieces out there that may just catch your eye at the neighborhood second hand store or garage sale! It was such a joy to see Julie reunited with her beautiful painting and when Laura offered to return it to her, she declined and insisted that Laura keep it.

During my music therapy internship at a state facility for teens and adults with mental illnesses, I learned that many of the adults we served within the facility, who were there largely because they had been charged with crimes, shared the foster care experience of my teens.
Most of my teens had been through about 14 different placements by the time they got to our facility and had developed negative coping mechanisms due to their life experiences. No one had taught them how to process their emotions or trauma, which would come out in explosive tantrums. Like my adult patients, they also had no one in their lives who was there just for them, but only staff who went home at the end of each shift. Can you imagine what being raised in an institution instead of a family and not having even one consistent parent could do to a person’s psyche? It turns out, it gives you no way to learn about love and respect for others.
I decided I wanted to make a difference and break this cycle. I saw that trying to understand the “why” behind their coping mechanisms, connecting and showing unconditional love (especially after behaviors meant to drive you away) brought about significant changes, even healing. As soon as I learned about Therapeutic Foster Care (TFC), I knew I wanted to be involved.
TFC serves children in loving home settings instead of institutions, equipping foster parents to help children work through the trauma they’ve experienced. TFC homes receive more intensive services – weekly family and individual therapy for the child, an on-call team of therapists to help in times of crisis, monthly respite to give tired foster parents time to rejuvenate, and trauma-based trainings to help parents understand why children have developed these negative coping mechanisms and help reframe them in a more positive way.
As a TFC parent, I have seen my house walls torn apart because something I did unknowingly triggered memories of past abuse. As anger shifted to tears, I’ve had children melt into my arms and let me hug them as they deescalated from their meltdowns. I’ve seen them work hard to pay me back for damages after I didn’t kick them out like so many had done before, and start to develop personal responsibility and a mutual respect for others.
As a TFC parent, I’ve seen kids and teens learn to identify the feelings underlying all of their anger. This has often been fear and sadness, which, when allowed to fester, become depression and anxiety. I’ve gotten to know my kids for who they really were and found them to be sweet, incredibly loving children who were just hidden underneath the walls they’d built to protect themselves. I got to truly connect to them in a way no one else had, and watch them learn to trust others.
Being raised in a home instead of a hospital or group home taught them what being a part of a family is like. They learned how to care about others and how their actions can hurt someone. They learned self-worth because someone was willing to love them instead of just focusing on their behaviors. I saw them excel in school, work and activities and start to make healthy relationships. These are things that don’t readily happen in institutions.
If we want to make our society a safer place, we need to teach kids how to love. As a TFC parent, you can teach by example and be a part of truly changing the world, one child at a time.
It takes all kinds of people to serve children and help them become healthy and whole again. Why not you?
Amanda Martindale is a Therapeutic Foster Parent with Choices for Life Counseling and Foster Care in Oklahoma. To learn more about Therapeutic Foster Care or apply to become a certified TFC foster family, visit beaneighbor.ok.gov, or call 1-800-376-9729.