Q. I never really thought about “conversational intimacy” and the role it plays in a relationship. It is much harder than people think and sad to think I lost my marriage because of it. I wanted to make others aware of the knowledge I gained and to encourage you to do it before it is too late.

A. My name is Jim and I was married for 16 years. My wife and I both worked full time and we were raising two children. We were busy like all married couples with children’s activities and managing a home.
My wife would occasionally tell me that we needed “to talk” and I would get very busy hoping she would forget. She didn’t. These “talks” always made me anxious. She wanted to discuss a problem or issue related to our marriage or “my behavior.” I would attempt to talk, she would get frustrated and I would completely forget the English language. She could “out talk” me.
We went to counseling and my wife would vent her frustrations to the counselor, often crying saying how alone she felt. I would sit there and pat her on the back, which interesting enough made her dislike me even more. That’s when I learned about “conversational intimacy.” (which I was lacking).
The counselor had us sit facing each other and make eye . (Also hard to do). It was really grueling and strangely informative. I realized that my wife and I had no trouble with physical intimacy (that is until she began to really dislike me) but I’m not sure we ever really had conversational intimacy to begin with. Of course we “talked” during dating and engagement and I’m sure after we married but intimate conversations were rare.
We practiced in the counselor’s office but at home we struggled. My wife had developed some resentments towards me for my lack of concern for her desire to talk, apparently building for several years. I learned that resentments can’t easily be discarded.
She was upset that it took so long for me to “get it.” When she told me that she wanted a divorce I was devastated. I had no idea I had caused so much damage by not making myself available, listening, validating her feelings and trying to find solutions. Having physical intimacy was way more enjoyable and didn’t really require much talking. I made myself very available.
As I sit here in my apartment, alone, after taking my children back to my ex-wife’s house (previously my house too), I have become wiser. I learned how important it is to occasionally have deep conversations, to really get to know the person that I have grown to love.
new drug and you find it does help your symptoms. But when you are told it will cost $475 after your samples are gone, what is the point.
I was personally given a prescription for a skin cream, with a coupon because the doctor told me it might be expensive. When I went to pick up the prescription the pharmacy tech had a strange look on his face when he told me the small tube of cream was $1042 after the coupon!!
Be cautious. Pay attention to the side affects listed for these drugs. If you can make behavioral or life changes, try that first. Your health and your money are at risk.

Vicki L Mayfield, M.Ed., R.N., LMFT Marriage and Family Therapy Oklahoma City

If you would like to send a question to Vicki, email us at news@okcnursingtimes.com

The American Nurses Association (ANA) today announced its continued opposition to the pending American Health Care Act (AHCA) and urges Congress to reject this flawed legislation. ANA, which represents the interests of more than 3.6 million registered nurses, has expressed serious concerns throughout negotiations about the critical impact the AHCA would have on the 24 million people who stand to lose insurance coverage if AHCA becomes law.
“This bill is an extreme departure from ANA’s priorities,” said ANA President Pamela F. Cipriano, PhD, RN, NEA-BC, FAAN. “AHCA would cut Medicaid funding by $880 billion over 10 years, dramatically increase premiums on seniors, restrict millions of women from access to health care, weaken the sustainability of Medicare, and repeal income-based subsidies that have made it possible for millions of families to buy health insurance.”
Under AHCA, states would have the option to waive essential health benefit protections which prevent insurance companies from charging Americans with pre-existing conditions significantly more for coverage. Even worse, insurers could decline coverage for substance abuse treatment, maternity care, and preventive services. “As the nation’s most trusted profession and largest group of health care professionals, nurses understand the importance of health coverage,” Cipriano continued. “ANA urges Congress to not deny peoples’ right to health care and quality of life by standing with the American people in opposing AHCA in its current form. ANA will continue to work with Congress to help improve health care delivery, coverage, and affordability for all Americans.”

The Brightmusic Chamber Ensemble presents “Bach and Brahms II” in its sixth annual spring chamber music festival at St. Paul’s Cathedral in downtown Oklahoma City.
The four-concert festival will present some of the best-loved works by two of the world’s greatest composers, including two of Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos and works for organ, a cello suite, a cantata, and the powerfully moving Chaconne from Bach’s Partita No. 2 in D minor, described by violinist Joshua Bell as “not just one of the greatest pieces of music ever written, but one of the greatest achievements of any man in history. “ Also on the program will be works by Brahms: sonatas, organ and chamber works and lieder featuring Philadelphia baritone Randall Scarlata.
Fourteen Brightmusic musicians will be appearing during the Festival. See the attached sheet for a complete list.
All concerts will begin at 7:30 pm, except for the 4:00 pm Sunday concert, at St. Paul’s Cathedral, 127 NW 7th Street (at Robinson). A pass for all four concerts is available at the door or on our website at www.brightmusic.org/concerts for $50 each (a savings of $30 over individual concert tickets of $20). Students and active-duty military personnel are admitted free with ID. Also, any who would like to attend but feel they cannot due to financial hardship as a result of recent layoffs in the energy sector are invited to join us as guests of the musicians by simply advising the person at the front desk that they are guests of the musicians and no questions will be asked. More information about the festival is available on Brightmusic’s website at http://www.brightmusic.org.

by Bobby Anderson
Staff Writer

Five years ago, a developer invited Roland J. Chupik’s Neighborhood Housing Services Oklahoma group to help rehabilitate Wesley Retirement Village located at NW 12 and Harvey.
The 85-unit apartment complex was formerly Wesley Hospital, which later became Presbyterian Hospital from 1911 to 1964.
“The marketing study that went along with that showed the need for senior independent living is just incredible,” said Chupik, the general manager of NHS Oklahoma. “There’s no way we’re meeting that need.”
In an effort to do just that the group turned its attention to the heart of the city, in particular along Classen Drive just north of St. Anthony Hospital.
The result is an astounding 48-unit complex that wows before you even make it through the door.
The Commons, located in a residential area in downtown Oklahoma City, already looks like a fixture between the booming Midtown District to the south and the coveted Mesta Park neighborhood to the north.
The newly-constructed, energy-efficient complex is designed for those 62 and older.
One-bedroom, two-bedroom and efficiency offerings come fully equipped with washer and dryer, microwave, stove/oven, garbage disposal, refrigerator and dishwasher.
“It’s amenity-rich in terms of providing what residents need,” Chupik said.
Over-delivering was the hallmark of the project.
“It was extremely important because we encounter that all the time – ‘not in my backyard,’” Chupik said of the affordable-living concept. “We wanted to show not only the neighborhood but the city and whoever was interested that affordable housing particularly for seniors doesn’t have to be what people think that might be.
“I think we nailed it on the head.”
The Commons gives residents quick access to several shopping locations.
Family and friends are welcome to enjoy the splash pad, tot lot and patio grills for an afternoon or evening.
Property staff attends to those day-to-day tasks that residents no longer have to concern themselves with such as lawn care and maintenance.
A fitness facility, computer lab and library are all located within the building.
“It goes back to our mission,” Chupik said.
The Commons is actually the group’s former headquarters.
“It’s just exceeded our expectations,” Chupik said. “When you talk to the residents they’ll tell you it’s the best place they’ve ever lived.”
A lot of time and effort – along with meetings with local neighborhood organizations – went into making sure the building and its footprint would fit seamlessly into the area.
Resident Manager Shannon Hitchcock said the interest in the property has been strong.
“(The waiting list) is going to be fairly long but right now I still have openings,” Hitchcock said. “I anticipate there will be a two or three-year waiting list.”
To help residents on a budget, the property was constructed with energy efficiency in mind. Foam insulation inside walls helps prevent energy loss while higher R-value windows help block excess heat from entering.
HISTORY OF HELPING
In the late 1970s, the country was facing a decline in the economy. The oil embargo hit Oklahoma particularly hard and neighborhoods began to turn into ghost towns as people fled homes they could no longer afford. The abandoned houses began to deteriorate and crime began to rise as a result.
A group of dedicated Oklahoma City residents fought to combat this by banding together and forming “Residents for Capitol Hill Improvement.” This organization petitioned the city to provide funding to help provide quality-housing options, which would help alleviate the decline.
Eventually this grassroots organization merged with NeighborWorks America, an organization dealing with the critical need for affordable housing across the country.
Over time, the grassroots organization evolved into Neighborhood Housing Services Oklahoma.
In 2016, the group celebrated its 35th anniversary and continues its dedication of helping create affordable, quality housing options and to help families create wealth.
Potential Commons residents must be 62 or older and meet income guidelines. The application process can usually be completed in less than a week.
Hitchcock said the majority of residents are active adults who are downsizing or coming from a less energy-efficient property.
“It’s important this process continues,” Chupik said. “This is the beginning but I don’t think we’ll end our mission for affordable housing. If it’s possible to build even better we’ll do that but I’m not so sure it’s possible.”

Navigating the uncharted territory known as aging is not always easy. In fact, it can be down right frustrating. Boomers and seniors are encouraged to “plan ahead,” but knowing where to turn and who to trust when seeking information is often a challenge.
The Senior Living Truth Series, an ongoing educational program made up of monthly seminars and expert panels, explores various topics of interest to the 55 and over crowd. Boomers and seniors alike are invited to attend the free seminars.
Gary Harris began attending the seminars over a year ago.
“I appreciate the information provided at the seminars. says Harris. “They are well-organized and interesting with something new to learn every month.”
Like Harris, many attendees are preparing for the next chapter of life. Where and how can I live? What kind of support is available? How do people pay for senior living? Who will help me downsize?
The Senior Living Truth Series originated when Nikki and Chris Buckelew of Buckelew Realty Group at Keller Williams Realty set out to become the experts in mature moves in and around the Oklahoma City metro.
“Because our team specializes in downsizing, rightsizing, and simplifying, we get a lot of questions about topics outside the discipline of real estate. It became important to have highly competent and trustworthy resources and that is how the series began,” says Nikki Buckelew. “It was a grand experiment launched together with a small group of like-minded professionals, many still involved as sponsors.”
The Buckelews have made it their personal and professional mission to educate and guide consumers about best practices related to post-retirement living.
The attraction of the series may be that attendees are promised frank and uncensored commentary on the issues. Dr. Don Emler and his wife Suzanne began attending the seminars last year.
“The programs cover a wide range of topics and provide people with valuable resources to assist them,” Dr. Emler said.
As a retired religious educator and clergy considering his own options for future housing and care needs, he knows that many people are struggling with similar decisions. The couple also encourages formal and informal caregivers to attend the seminars so they are equipped to help others.
“I believe that clergy should attend so they can guide parishioners in making decisions about downsizing, moving, staying put in their own house, or daily care needs,” he said.
Beyond the issues of housing and senior living, the Emlers have also learned about the intricacies of long-term care insurance, veteran-related benefits, and in-home care options.
“Knowing where to go can be particularly hard for widows, added Suzanne. When you have had a partner alongside you for many years, making changes alone can be scary. The seminars provide a non-threatening atmosphere where people can go to become better informed and equipped.”
Melissa Hill of Home Care Assistance, a regular sponsor of the event, said the series has also impacted people in a way that was unexpected.
“Many people attend regularly and as a result, we get to know each other. The Senior Living Truth Series provides unbiased information and often answers questions that people didn’t even realize they should ask,” Hill said.
The next event is titled “The Truth About Probate for Property Owners “ on June 8th from 10:00am – 11:30am at the newly completed MAPS3 Senior Health & Wellness Center located at 11501 N Rockwell Ave. in Oklahoma City.
“We hear so much misinformation about the probate process. People think they know all about it, but it seems to cause a lot of problems at a time when problems are the last thing you need. We simply want to dispel the myths and equip people with facts,” Buckelew said.
Registration is free for those 55 or older and their guests. Registration for professionals is $25. Pre-registration is required and can be made at www.seniorlivingtruthseries.com or 405-563-7501. Space is limited.

Dear Savvy Senior, My husband and I are interested in getting a couple of bicycles for leisurely exercise and fun, and would like to get your recommendation. We’re both approaching 60 and are a little overweight, and it’s been a while since we rode. Easy Riders

Dear Easy,
If you’re interested in leisurely, recreational riding for fitness and fun, a great option is a “comfort bike,” which is very popular among baby boomers. Here’s what you should know about this option, along with some tips to help you shop and choose.
Comfort Bikes
A comfort bike is a style of bicycle that’s easy on an aging body because it lets you ride in a more comfortable upright position. These bikes have high handlebars so you don’t have to hunch over, which eases lower-back strain and reduces pressure on the wrists and hands. They also come with wide tires for a smooth ride, offer fewer gears, and have soft, wide seats to eliminate saddle soreness.
Most comfort bikes also come with shock-absorbing forks and seat posts for additional comfort. And some offer unique design features like an ultra low step-over bar that makes getting on and off easy for people with limited flexibility (like the Biria Easy Boarding at Biria.com), or the “flat-foot” design offered by many manufacturers where the pedals are moved forward, away from the seat. This allows you to get a full-leg extension when you pedal, but keeps the seat in a lower position so when you’re stopped, you can put your feet down flat on the ground while seated, which is a great safety feature for older riders.
Most major manufacturers including Electra, Sun, Raleigh, GT, Giant, and Trek all make a line of comfort bikes that costs between $300 and $800 or more depending on its features.
Shopping Tips
To find a quality comfort bike, your best option is to find a good bike shop in your area. Bikes from big box stores, like Walmart and Target, are mass-market bikes that may be less expensive, but the quality isn’t as good and they’re typically seven to eight pounds heaver. They also come in only one size, so you’re not likely to get a great fit.
Before you buy any bike, be sure you take it for a test ride first to ensure that the seat and fit of the bike is comfortable, the brakes and shifters are easy to use, the gears can go low enough for climbing hills, and the frame and suspension adequately smooth the bumps.
Recumbent Bikes
If the comfort bikes don’t meet your needs, another popular style among older riders is a recumbent bike. These are the low-to-the-ground, stretched-out frame bikes with La-Z-Boy style seats that allow you to recline with your legs positioned in front of you.
Recumbent bikes are very comfy, easy on the back, arms and shoulders, and aerodynamic which make them ideal for long rides. The disadvantages, because they are low-to-the-ground, they can be harder to balance and maneuver, and are more difficult for other vehicles to see.
If you worry about falling or want more stability when you ride consider a three-wheel recumbent trike. See SunSeeker.bike and TerraTrike.com for a nice variety, but be aware that recumbent bikes are more expensive, typically ranging between $1,000 and $2,500.
Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.

Picnics, campouts and going to the lake. Kathy Swan

Staying in the AC and watching the birds and squirrels. Margaret Salter

The flowers, watching people jog and exercise and getting my little puppy and playing with him. Barbara Gossett

It ain’t cold. I can’t ride my scooter wherever I want in the winter.

Mike Davis

by Bobby Anderson,
Staff Writer

As a licensed clinical social worker, Liz Shumate understands sadness and depression are not a normal part of aging.
But for thousands of Oklahoma seniors, happiness is something they believe is long gone.
“Happiness is obtainable,” said Shumate, program manager at Norman Regional Senior Counseling Center. “Even though you’re an older adult that doesn’t mean that your older years need to be unhappy. There’s ample opportunities to help people be the best version of themselves and make changes and find new happiness.”
Throughout the week at Norman Regional Moore, 700 S. Telephone Rd, you’ll see seniors working on finding that happiness once again.
There’s smiles, tears, coffee, conversation and even lunch.
Shumate says the later years of life should be a time of enjoyment and continued positive, intellectual and emotional growth.
Senior adults experience a variety of unique and difficult life changes that can be overwhelming at times. For some, these challenges include declining physical or mental capabilities, the loss of independence and the loss of loved ones. These changes may cause confusion, depression, anxiety and withdrawal.
Many who lived through the Great Depression and war years often try to overcome their emotional obstacles on their own. Often unrecognized for a treatable condition, depression and feelings of sadness are allowed to remain untreated for years, allowing senior’s mental and physical health to spiral downward.
Counseling is also something unique to many older Americans.
“I think sometimes older adults are often overlooked,” Shumate said. “But they just seem to be very appreciative of the consistency of a caring person helping them get to where they want to be.”
Many of Shumate’s patients live alone. Isolation can be the worst thing possible for those struggling.
“The great thing about our service is the primary service we offer is group therapy,” Shumate said. “That’s an opportunity for people to not only interact with a therapist but to get that peer support. Often times they’re able to realize ‘I’m not the only one or other people have problems, too.’ When you’re isolated you tend to focus on what you don’t have and what you can’t do. Often smaller problems will exacerbate into bigger issues and they are something we can help you work on if you’re open to meeting new people and participating in the process.”
Transportation is provided within a 35-mile radius and vehicles are equipped with wheelchair lifts. Program services are offered during the day which allows patients to return to their homes in the afternoon.
Norman Regional Senior Counseling Center provides three group therapy sessions that incorporate fun and friendliness while discussing life’s victories and challenges.
A relaxed, comfortable environment is provided where patients are encouraged to participate in groups and is designed to promote achievement of individualized treatment goals.
Participants are served a lunch and provided snack breaks between sessions. Inspiration provides bathroom assistance to meet each patient’s individual needs. Services are approved and monitored by a physician.
Farhan Jawed, MD, is the medical director of the counseling program.
“Norman Regional Senior Counseling Center provides stability for a vulnerable population,” Jawed said. “Our services create routine and structure as we support the patient’s overall well-being. We collaborate with family to provide education about their loved one’s psychiatric disorder to support successful treatment outcomes.”
Shumate said each day often begins with patient arriving and greeting one another over coffee.
Relevant group therapy curriculum is always planned but Shumate says the beginning moments where patients are encouraged to share victories and setbacks often will steer the conversation.
There are breaks and then lunch is served.
Shumate knows the lunch hour is often a time when seniors are able to begin processing their morning.
“Often times you’ll hear people say ‘I never thought about that. This is motivation for me to try new things,’” Shumate said. “A lot of our folks who have been isolated or depressed we don’t just say ‘call this number.’
“You’ll hear a lot of encouragement in the dining room – peer support – and then they go home on the bus and that’s more socialization time.”
Signs you or a loved one could use help:
*Sadness/Depression
*Irritability or agitation
*Loss of interest in activities
*Feelings of suspicion and mistrust
*Excessive worry and anxiety
*Tearfulness or crying spells
Norman Regional Senior Counseling Center offers two schedule options for participants. The morning program runs from 9 a.m. to noon and the afternoon program is offered from 11:45 a.m. to 2:45 p.m. with transportation offered.
If you or someone you know could benefit from this program simply call (405) 912-3495. A screening will be provided at your convenience in the comfort of your home. Medicare is accepted.

Photography and Text by Terry “Travels with Terry” Zinn  t4z@aol.com

Preceding the Red Earth Festival in Oklahoma City is the informative, entertaining and thought provoking Sovereignty Symposium. Being established in 1988 the Symposium is about to celebrate its thirtieth anniversary in the historic Skiving Hotel. For two days, June 7 and 8 the most prestigious speakers from the Judicial and Native American Leaders and artist gather to share their knowledge and expertise.
The mission statement of the Sovereignty Symposium states: “The Sovereignty Symposium was established to provide a forum in which ideas concerning common legal issues can be exchanged in a scholarly, non-adversarial environment. “
Oklahoma Supreme Court Justice Yvonne Kauger has coordinated the Sovereignty Symposium since its inception. About its formation Justice Kauger says, “We did it because John Doolin kept going to the National Association of Chief Justices and they have an Indian law committee, but he went three times and came back and said, “They’re never going to do anything. They talk about it, they say they’re going to
have a seminar, they say they’re going to do this. They haven’t done anything and they’re not going to do anything.” And they still haven’t.
So he said, “We’ll just do our own.”
“Governor Bellmon was very instrumental in helping us, and Ed Edmondson, and we did it. And now we’ve been doing it, and no one gets anything for doing this, they pay
their own way. We have the best legal scholars in the world and they pay their own way and they get a T-shirt for coming and our thanks.”
Of particular interest and creativity is: SIGNS, SYMBOLS AND SOUNDS, moderated by the talented, WINSTON SCAMBLER, Student of Native American Art, who has gathered for his seminar: FRITZ KIERSCH, Assistant Vice President, Point Park University, Pennsylvania; ERIC TIPPECONNIC, (Comanche), Historian, Artist, and Professor, California State University, Fullerton; JASON MURRAY, (Chickasaw), Independent Scholar & Professor, Formerly of the University of South Dakota; POTEET VICTORY, (Cherokee/Choctaw), Artist; BRENT GREENWOOD, (Ponca/Chickasaw), Artist and Musician; JOSHUA HINSON, (Chickasaw), Chickasaw Language Revitalization Program and GORDON YELLOWMAN, (Cheyenne), Peace Chief, Assistant Executive Director of Education, Cheyenne and Arapaho Tribes.
Winston Scambler is the youngest moderator, as he is an upcoming senior at Heritage Hall and wise beyond his years. Scambler continues the seminar “Signs, Symbols and Sounds,” he began last year.
“I attribute my initial interest to my grandmother, Justice Kauger. She was adopted into the Cheyenne and Arapaho tribe and is called the Mother of the Red Earth Powwow.,” Scambler proclaims. “Through her Influence I’ve grown up with Native American Art and really love it.”
With the guidance of photograph Neil Chapman, Scambler educated himself in art with assistance from the archives at the Oklahoma History Center, before forming his seminars.
One of his favorite artists and speakers this year is Eric Tippeconnic. “Eric likes to talk about the symbols he uses, as it means something different to everyone. You’ll see a lot of hand prints and horses,” says Scambler. “This year he is doing something really contemporary with his series called, Briefcase Warriors.”

Other sessions with their moderators include:
ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT with JAMES C. COLLARD, Director of Planning and Economic Development, Citizen Potawatomi Nation;
LAND, WIND AND WATER with PATRICK WYRICK, Justice, Oklahoma Supreme Court;
TRUTH AND RECONCILIATION: GENERATIONAL/HISTORICAL TRAUMA AND HEALING with NOMA GURICH, Vice Chief Justice, Oklahoma Supreme Court;
ROUNDTABLE DISCUSSION WITH FORMER ASSISTANT SECRETARIES OF THE INTERIOR FOR INDIAN AFFAIRS, with JOHN REIF, Justice, Oklahoma Supreme Court.
Since its inception in 1988, the Sovereignty Symposium has award the status of “Honored One” to unique individuals whose life time contribution to the world, the United States, the State of Oklahoma and their personal communities are without peer. Past recipients include Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, the first woman appointed to the United States Supreme Court; former Attorney General Janet Reno, Astronaut Commander John Harrington and Cherokee Chief Wilma Mankiller.
This years Honored Ones, are Former Assistant Secretaries of the Interior for Indian Affairs: Thomas W. Fredricks, Ada E. Deer, Neal McCaleb, Carl Artman and Larry Echo Hawk..
The Friend of the Court for this year goes to Kris Steele. The Ralph B. Hodges-Robert E Lavender Award for Judicial Excellence Award goes to Oklahoma Supreme Court Justice Seven Taylor (Retired).
Benjamin Harjo, Jr. (Seminole & Shawnee), designed and donated the logo for the Sovereignty Symposium. The Lighthorseman depicts an Indian policeman framed in a star. In Indian Territory, the Five Civilized Tribes had a body of men, the Lighthorsemen, who served as a mounted police force. The Lighthorsemen helped the United States Army to keep peace in Indian Territory and to drive out white intruders. Considerable latitude was given to the Lighthorsemen in enforcing the judgments of the courts. Harjo has won many awards in major Native American art shows in the United States. His generosity is appreciated in designing and in donating the logo.
General Admission of $300 for both days may be found with your registration at, www.thesovereigntysymposium.com or sovereignty.symposium@oscn.net
You may want to add on to your cultural entertainment, the Red Earth Festival and Powwow June 8 and 9th at the Cox Convention Center near the Skirvin Hotel in downtown Oklahoma City The festival includes dance competitions and a high quality Native American art show and sale. https://www.redearth.org/