What is it about Thanksgiving that causes my heart to beat more rapidly as the day draws closer?
This doesn’t happen with other holidays; even if the Amazon delivery person failed to arrive on Christmas Eve with all the gifts I’d purchased for my family, I’d be fine. On Christmas morning, I would just announce that their gifts will be “arriving soon” and then happily open my gifts while they watched.
But Thanksgiving? Four years ago, I wrote about my desire to cancel it, so entrenched was this country in the Trump vs. Hillary debate. In 2018, to keep dinner conversations calm and civil, I suggested infusing all food items with CBD, the trendiest over-the-counter chemical compound at the time. Since then, 11 states have legalized recreational marijuana, greatly increasing the odds that at least one relative at your holiday table comes prepared and can sprinkle “something a little stronger” into the turkey if civility is your only goal. Plus, it might be fun to watch your rigid aunt giggle uncontrollably and then be unable to answer when you ask her, “What is so funny?”
Last year I doled out advice to those with extended families who might have to endure two Thanksgiving dinners in order to keep peace and harmony intact. My suggestion? Serve lasagna containing ground turkey at one of the meals. You’re still having turkey, technically, and cleanup will be much easier.
Which brings us to 2020, a cesspool of a year even if it didn’t contain the presidential election. Dr. Anthony Fauci, everybody’s favorite medical advisor unless you’re a diehard Trump supporter, suggested in a recent CBS interview that families consider canceling the holiday to ward off the spread of coronavirus. Too many people from too many locations gathered in a single household is exactly what this country doesn’t need now.
“You may have to bite the bullet and sacrifice that social gathering,” Fauci told CBS anchor Norah O’Donnell.
Considering that nobody took my 2016 advice to cancel Thanksgiving, I’m confident Fauci’s suggestion will fall on deaf ears. But I have an alternative proposal; one that will allow Americans to remain festive while still heeding all of Fauci’s suggestions for staying virus free.
Combine Halloween with Thanksgiving.
Fauci wants everyone to continue wearing face coverings, correct? Well, arrive for Thanksgiving wearing your scariest, most blood curdling mask. Just make sure the mouth opening is wide enough for turkey and sweet potatoes to pass through. Also, make the rest of your attire as horrifying as possible, thereby encouraging social distancing. Who would want to hug a family member with an axe in his shoulder or hands that resemble claws?
Once all ghouls are seated at the table, serve the plates and then wait for somebody to realize there is no silverware to be found. Announce that all food must be consumed by hand, including the gravy-laden mashed potatoes and the orange Jell-O mold with marshmallows. Everyone will immediately excuse themselves in order to wash their hands. And they will do it again once the meal is over. Somewhere, Fauci will be smiling, just knowing this simple act of hygiene is finally occurring.
Thanksgiving hosts, here’s where it gets really good. After the meal, you’ll be left with guests who are feeling bloated, with hands still vaguely smelling of giblets and struggling to breathe normally due to their masks. As a result, most, if not all, will opt to leave your house early, ripping their masks off as they throw their cars into reverse and peel out of your driveway. Now you can enjoy some peace and quiet on the couch while the dishwasher hums in the background. Cleanup, incidentally, will be easier than a lasagna meal, due to the lack of silverware.
If this works, I have another suggestion: Combine Christmas and New Year’s celebrations. At the least, it will mean we can end 2020 one week earlier.
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.)
You’ve enjoyed reading, and laughing at, Greg Schwem’s monthly humor columns in Senior Living News. But did you know Greg is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian? And he loves to make audiences laugh about the joys, and frustrations, of growing older. Watch the clip and, if you’d like Greg to perform at your senior center or senior event, contact him through his website at www.gregschwem.com)

The Oklahoma City Zoo and Botanical Garden is thrilled to announce that Niki, the Zoo’s 13-year-old Indian rhino gave birth to a healthy calf at 3:25 a.m. today, Friday, October 23, 2020. This new arrival is the first calf born to breeding pair Niki and father, Arun, 29, and the sixth Indian rhino, also known as the greater one-horned rhino, born at the OKC Zoo. The OKC Zoo has been home to Indian rhinos since 1981.
The calf was born in the early morning inside the Zoo’s rhino barn at Sanctuary Asia and discovered by caretakers when they arrived to start their day. An initial visual exam performed by the Zoo’s veterinary and animal care teams determined that both mom and calf are doing well. The calf is strong, standing on its own and nursing. At this time, the gender of the calf is still unknown as it continues to stay close to mom, enjoying some quality bonding time with her.
“We are very excited to welcome a new addition to our rhino group and to see that calf and mom are doing excellent,” said Rachel Emory, OKC Zoo’s curator of elephants and rhinos. “Indian rhinoceros are listed as a vulnerable species, so every successful birth is important, not just to us, but to the population as a whole.”
Mom Niki came to the OKC Zoo in 2009 from the Bronx Zoo and father Arun, 29, arrived from the Fort Worth Zoo in 2019 as part of a a breeding recommendation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) Greater One-Horned Rhinoceros Species Survival Plan (SSP). SSP programs were developed by AZA to oversee breeding management and sustainability of select animal species within AZA-member zoos and aquariums. The Zoo’s Sanctuary Asia is also home to adult, female Indian rhino, Shanti, 32, who also came from the Fort Worth Zoo with Arun.
The gestation period for Indian rhinos is approximately 16 months. The average birth weight for an Indian rhino calf is 120 pounds. Newborn Indian rhinos lack the distinctive horn of the adult rhino. Instead, they have a flat, smooth oval plate that eventually forms into a horn.
Native to northern India and southern Nepal, Indian rhinos are currently listed as “vulnerable” by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature. Through conservation programs, wild populations over the past century have recovered from under 200 animals to approximately 3,600 today. However, there is a continuing decline in the quality of their natural habitat and the species continues to be illegally hunted for its horn.
The OKC Zoo is helping save Indian rhinos by supporting the International Rhino Foundation’s efforts to protect vulnerable and critically endangered rhinos and their habitat in India with money from the Round Up for Conservation Fund. The Zoo’s Round Up for Conservation program encourages guests to donate their change from any Zoo purchase to help protect wildlife and wild places around the world. Plus, the Zoo’s American Association of Zookeepers chapter has raised more than $373,000 for rhinos in Asia and Africa through its fundraising efforts since 1990.
The Zoo will continue to share updates on the rhino calf and mom, Niki, on social. Weather permitting, the two could be visible to guests from their habitat at Sanctuary Asia as early tomorrow!
A sweet treat just in time for Halloween, come out to the Zoo this fall and meet our new rhino calf! The Oklahoma City Zoo is open from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. daily. Advance tickets are required for all guests and ZOOfriends members and can be purchased at http://www.okczoo.org/tickets. Zoo tickets are limited each day to ensure safe social distancing among guests. Located at the crossroads of I-44 and I-35, the OKC Zoo is a proud member of the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the American Alliance of Museums, Oklahoma City’s Adventure District and an Adventure Road partner. Regular admission is $12 for adults and $9 for children ages 3-11 and seniors ages 65 and over. Children two and under are admitted free. Stay up-to-date with the Zoo on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and by visiting Our Stories. Zoo fans can support the OKC Zoo by becoming a member. Memberships can be purchased at ZOOfriends.org or any place admission is sold in the Zoo’s Entry Plaza during regular business hours. To learn more about this event and Zoo other happenings, call (405) 424-3344 or visit okczoo.org.

Full COVID Protocols and socially distanced seating in place at the Tower Theatre

The debate between the Beatles and the Rolling Stones has been going on ever since they first crossed paths on the charts 55 years ago. The argument at the time, and one that still persists, was that the Beatles were a pop group and the Stones were a rock band: the boys next door vs. the bad boys of rock. So who’s better? These two legendary bands will engage in an on-stage, throw down – a musical ‘showdown’ if you will – on Sunday, November 15 at 5 pm at the Tower Theatre courtesy of tribute bands Abbey Road and Satisfaction – The International Rolling Stones Show.
Tickets are sold in groups of 2, 4 or 6 to allow for CDC recommended social distancing. Patrons will be required to wear masks.
Taking the side of the Fab Four is Abbey Road, one of the county’s top Beatles tribute bands. With brilliant musicianship and authentic costumes and gear, Abbey Road plays beloved songs spanning the Beatles’ career. They face off against renowned Stones tribute band Satisfaction – The International Rolling Stones Show, who offer a faithful rendition of the music and style of Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and the bad boys of the British Invasion.
Where did the idea for the show come from?
“Music fans never had a chance to see the Beatles and the Rolling Stones perform on the same marquee,” said Chris Legrand, who plays “Mick Jagger” in the show.
“Now, music aficionados can watch this debate play out on stage.”
The Oklahoma City show is part of a 125 stop tour of the U.S., Australia and Canada and has been touring since 2011.The show also performs long term residencies for a number of the Harrah’s Casino properties. The production includes some of the more popular songs from the two rock pioneers and covers the scope of their musical careers, although the set list for Satisfaction usually includes Rolling Stones songs up to the 1980s.
“They certainly have more pop songs but we’re a really great live show. The fans are in for an incredible night of music!” says LeGrand.
During the two-hour show, the bands perform three sets each, trading places in quick set changes and ending the night with an all-out encore involving both bands. The band members have their outfits custom-made, since avid fans know exactly what the Beatles and Stones wore onstage during different time periods in their careers. There’s a lot of good-natured jabbing between the bands as well.
“Without Beatlemania, the Stones might still be a cover band in London,” said Chris Overall, who plays “Paul”.
“There’s no question that the Beatles set the standard.”
The audience naturally enjoys top shelf tributes to two legendary bands in the same evening. Like The Idaho Statesman said: “If you see only one tribute show, see this one…smart and loads of fun.”
“It’s just a fun time and a cool back-and-forth nonstop show,” Overall said.
“We’re going to bring it all. It’s going to be an evening of high-energy music,” said LeGrand.
Calendar: The two greatest rock ‘n’ roll bands of all time face off as the Tower Theatre hosts tributes to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Renowned tribute bands Abbey Road and Satisfaction – The International Rolling Stones Show engage in a musical showdown of the hits. Back by popular demand, Beatles vs. Stones – A Musical Showdown returns to the Tower Theatre on Sunday, November 15 at 5 pm. Tickets are $30 – $65, plus ticket fees, and may be purchased online at www.towertheatreokc.com. Tickets are sold in groups of 2, 4 or 6 to allow for CDC recommended social distancing. Patrons will be required to wear masks. The Tower Theatre is located at 425 NW 23rd Street, Oklahoma City, OK 73103. The show is appropriate for all ages.