An Oklahoma Man Shares His Heart Transplant Journey

With a renewed lease on life, this Thanksgiving will be extra special to Jack Chappell, 57. After showing signs of heart failure nearly a decade ago, this father of two began the fight of his life.
In 2012, Chappell fell ill with persistent symptoms. “I felt like I had a cold I couldn’t get rid of,” he says. “I coughed a lot. I couldn’t get rid of it. I just felt lousy. I also felt like I was putting on weight.” In 2013, after a business trip and at the urging of his wife, he was diagnosed with heart failure due to a severely weakened heart muscle by his primary care physician and was connected to cardiologists at INTEGRIS Health.
2015 was a difficult year for the Chappell family, and Jack especially, as his father tragically succumbed to terminal heart failure at the age of 82. Within a short time after his father’s passing, Jack’s heart failure also worsened to the point where his life was in imminent danger. He was admitted to INTEGRIS Health under the care of Douglas Horstmanshof, M.D., co-director of INTEGRIS Advanced Cardiac Care (IACC), and underwent placement of a life-saving HeartMate 2 Left Ventricular Assist Device (LVAD). Chappell recovered quickly and was able to leave the hospital just over two weeks after LVAD surgery. He rapidly returned to work and an active life, supported by his LVAD. After the need for a LVAD replacement in 2019, the IACC team recommended pursuing a heart transplant, and in 2020, Chappell was placed on the transplant list to begin the search for a new heart.
“Jack is an individual who exemplified the value of being at the only hospital in Oklahoma that has access to all options to treat his worsening heart failure – in this case a LVAD that allowed him to work, care for his family and live successfully for years with a good quality of life,” states Horstmanshof.
Jack’s journey to a new heart was prolonged after contracting COVID-19 in November 2020. Despite a successful recovery from COVID under the care of the IACC team, his health declined again in early 2021, and he was admitted to the hospital for ongoing care while awaiting his new heart. He would spend four long months in the hospital waiting for his heart transplant. “That’s a long time to be in the hospital for sure,” he admits. “But I got used to the routine of being there. I’d wake up, eat breakfast, do my labs, and work remotely from my hospital bed. I was able to stay busy.”
In July 2021 he received the life changing news that he was getting a new heart. Chappell says he was in shock and then broke down in tears. “I honestly don’t remember going to surgery. I just remember waking up in the ICU with a brand new heart and a second chance at life.”
“After getting his new heart, every member of the INTEGRIS Health staff that was involved in his care celebrated with Jack and his immediate family,” Horstmanshof remembers. “Our whole team remains so proud of him for his dedication and grace throughout his journey and looks forward to many more years of knowing and caring for him as his INTEGRIS Health Family!”
Chappell recently joined other LVAD patients and completed the 5K in the Oklahoma City Marathon. He routinely stays in touch with the LVAD team and speaks to other heart transplant and LVAD patients as an advocate for the program.
A group of people posing for a photo Description automatically generatedJack enjoyed a fulfilling and active life with his LVAD, but is looking forward to rediscovering swimming or being in water without concern for his device. Now, after his transplant, he is getting back to traveling, going to football games, all while knowing he has more time to spend with his family. However, there will always be a special place in his new heart for the hospital he called ‘home’ for so long.
“We’ve got the best heart team right here in Oklahoma City. I don’t know why anyone would go anywhere else.”

Story by Darl Devault, Contributing Editor

Seven years after retiree Mac Troy began writing his novel and a year after his own untimely death, the longtime Oklahoma City resident’s time-travel saga “Out of Time” is finally in print.
Featuring a modern-day teenager’s time travel to Oklahoma’s Territorial days, the book would never have been published without the assistance of his widow, Carol Wilkinson Troy, a longtime on-air personality and executive at KOCO-TV5 in Oklahoma City.
“Out of Time” is the realization of Mac’s dream to write a book that would transport readers of all age groups to new worlds,” Carol Troy said. “His not living to see his dream realized was sad enough, but it would have been truly tragic if his efforts had all come to naught.”
The paperback book of 350 pages will make its debut on Friday, Dec. 3, at Full Circle Bookstore in north Oklahoma City. A talk about the book and its long journey to print will be given by several guests invited by Carol, who will sign books for her late husband.
Finally retired after decades of producing television documentaries and operating his own advertising agency in Oklahoma City, Troy began writing “Out of Time,” his third work of fiction, in 2014. Although he produced numerous award-winning documentaries and ads during his career, including one Emmy nomination, the noted metro resident was at heart a fiction writer.
“Mac was a voracious reader,” Carol said, “and he lived a pretty adventurous life, including directing a documentary film crew in the climbing of Citlaltepetl, the third highest peak in North America. His life experiences and love of the written word came together in his writing.”
“Out of Time” follows the adventures of teenager Travis “T-Bone” Stone of modern-day Dallas, Texas, who unexpectedly finds himself and his dog transported back in time to Oklahoma’s territorial days. Adjusting to his new life as a greenhorn cowboy, the athletic youth falls into the company of a colorful assortment of rough-and-ready characters who teach him how to survive the dangers of life in the West.
Along the way, the wide-eyed time traveler meets the mysterious Wind Dancing, a fetching Cherokee maiden who has more than a little to do with T-Bone’s time-travel adventure. His ready adaptability to his new environment and his passionate feelings for Wind Dancing leave young T-Bone with mixed feelings about returning to his former life in the 21st century.
Although a complete work of fiction featuring a dog that communicates with the young at heart, Troy strived for historical accuracy in his depiction of life in the early 1890s Oklahoma and Indian territories. The author consulted with noted Oklahoma historian Dr. Bob Blackburn to achieve this realism.
“The author has done a superb job of mixing fantasy time travel with an authentic history of cowboys and Indians in the Old West,” Blackburn said. “I thoroughly enjoyed this book.”
Blackburn has been invited to the Dec. 3 book signing to comment on the historical events and characters in the book. Several other special guests, including Oscar-winning producer Gray Frederickson, may be present to discuss Troy’s efforts to get his final manuscript in print.
“It’s been just a little more than a year since Mac’s death,” Carol said, “so the celebration of his book’s debut will also serve as a nice commemoration of his life and his passion for writing.”

Dear Savvy Senior,

Can you recommend some good resources that can help my wife and me determine the best claiming ages for maximizing our Social Security retirement benefits? Just Turned 62

Dear 62,
Deciding when to start collecting your Social Security benefits is one of the most complicated and consequential decisions in retirement. The difference between a good decision and a poor one could cost you and your wife tens of thousands of dollars over your retirement, so doing your due diligence now is a very smart move.
Factors to Consider
As you may already know, you can claim Social Security any time between the ages of 62 and 70, but each year you wait increases your benefits between 5 and 8 percent. However, there are other factors you need to take into account to help you make a good decision, like your health and family longevity, whether you plan to work in retirement, along with spousal and survivor benefits.
To help you weigh your claiming strategies, you need to know that Social Security Administration claims specialists are not trained or authorized to give you personal advice on when you should start drawing your benefits. They can only provide you information on how the system works under different circumstances. To get advice you’ll need to turn to other sources.
Online Tools
Your first step in getting Social Security claiming strategy advice is to go to SSA.gov/myaccount to get your personalized statement that estimates what your retirement benefits will be at ages 62 through 70. These estimates are based on your yearly earnings that are also listed on your report.
Once you get your estimates for both you and your wife, there are a number of online Social Security strategy calculators you can turn to that can compare your options so you can make an informed decision.
The best one that’s completely free to use is Open Social Security (OpenSocialSecurity.com), which runs the math for each possible claiming age (or, if you’re married, each possible combination of claiming ages) and reports back, telling you which strategy is expected to provide the most total spendable dollars over your lifetime.
But if you want a more thorough analysis consider fee-based calculators like Maximize My Social Security (MaximizeMySocialSecurity.com) or Social Security Solutions (SocialSecuritySolutions.com). Both of these tools, which are particularly helpful to married couples as well as divorced or widowed persons, will run what-if scenarios based on your circumstances and show how different filing strategies affect the total payout over the same time frame.
Maximize My Social Security’s web-based service costs $40 per year for a household, while Social Security Solutions offers several levels of web-based and personalized phone advice ranging from $20 to $250.
In-Person Advice
You may also be able to get help through a financial planner. Look for someone who is a fee-only certified financial planner (CFP) that charges on an hourly basis and has experience in Social Security analysis.
To find someone, use the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors online directory at NAPFA.org, or try the Garrett Planning Network (GarrettPlanningNetwork.com), which is a network of fee-only advisers that charge between $150 and $300 per hour.
Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.

This holiday season, Leslie Shaw, 66, is looking forward to time with family. It’s time the Oklahoma City man wasn’t always sure he would have when he was hit by a life-threatening stroke.
A massive stroke nearly claimed Shaw’s life, leaving him hospitalized, unable to walk or talk. His doctors warned family members to prepare for a funeral.
“I decided I wasn’t ready to get busy dying, so I’m going to get busy living,” Shaw said.
Shaw says he was in the hospital when he discovered Valir Pace, a program that could provide him with all-inclusive care.
“We’re able to identify a patient, evaluate and give them whatever amount of therapy they need. There’s not an insurance company saying, ‘OK, you qualify for this many visits and then done.’ We just go until the goal is achieved,” said Ashley Henson, a nurse practitioner with Valir Pace.
Shaw’s stroke happened just a few weeks before his 60th birthday. His godson noticed something was wrong.
“He said, ‘Godfather, your face is looking funny.’ I said, ‘Looking funny?’” Shaw said.
The young man told him his face was drooping. Not long after that conversation, Shaw collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. Doctors told him his only hope to recover was to start therapy as soon as possible.
“There’s a window of time after a stroke, we call it neuroplasticity, where the brain is just ready and ripe to rehabilitate,” Henson explained.
Henson said Shaw’s experience is an important wake up call for all families with older loved ones, adding the holidays are a good time for families to check on their loved ones. Those wellness checks should include making sure they are taking their medications properly and following their doctors’ directions, especially if they have high blood pressure or diabetes which both increase the risk of stroke.
Henson said it’s also a good time for families to familiarize themselves with the signs of stroke. The acronym F.A.S.T. can help families know what to look for, when it comes to stroke.
The “F” stands for facial asymmetry — that’s the “drooping” on one side of the face that Shaw’s godson noticed.
“Have them smile. If part of their mouth is not pointing upwards, that’s a sign,” Henson said.
The “A” stands for arm weakness. The “S” for speech issues, such as slurring their words or struggling with speech. And, the “T” is for time, meaning you need to get help quickly.
Shaw did get to the hospital quickly. He also began therapy shortly after his stroke, and with the help of his therapists, he regained the ability to walk – first with a walker, then a quad cane and eventually walking on his own, even completing a 5K walk with some of his Valir Pace team at his side. He continues to work each week to maintain his strength and mobility.
Shaw credits hard work, God’s grace, and his team at Valir Pace for his ability to continue to live independently and says he is ready to enjoy life with those he loves this holiday season.
To learn more about Valir Pace and whether you or a loved one qualifies, visit ValirPace.org

Story and photo by Darl Devault, Contributing Editor

For passersby looking at a large public art mural painted on a wall in Oklahoma chances are it was painted by former University of Central Oklahoma art professor Bob Palmer, 70, or one of his former students.
The renowned Bethany muralist’s calendar is crowded with the commissions, chores and deadlines Oklahoma’s most viewed artist attends to these days.
He continues to add to his busy calendar by submitting proposals on large mural projects. Palmer, who earned a doctorate of education at Oklahoma State University, recently submitted a proposal to paint three of The Pathway to Hope Public Art Trail underpasses in Tulsa. The six underpasses are beneath Interstate 244 from Main Street to Greenwood Avenue, planned to honor the vibrant history of the Greenwood District.
Palmer Studios, Inc., a consortium of his best former students during his 30-year art professorship, is in demand. He is busy marketing his painting talents and historical perspective through his and his former students painting career.
Sometimes this means in-depth proposals to selection committees, while other times his vast legacy of 3,800 murals makes gaining work so much easier. This happens when a previous client calls and tells him he is needed for a massive project.
The internationally known artist, yes international because of his works in Canada, Mexico, Macedonia, Zagreb the capital of Croatia and Eastern Europe, is in demand. With the advent of the internet, when people want the most talented muralists possible, they have a global reach. Palmer has been hired from Oklahoma to paint murals in Kansas, Texas, New Mexico, Tennessee and Louisiana
“Retired from teaching in 2014, I still work my career every day, in some form or fashion, even when I am not busy painting a mural,” Palmer said. “Now a days it seems people want us to do larger ones, with more detail about their agendas or concerns and I have to be ready with plenty of supplies to make that happen.”
Successful nationally known Oklahoma sculptor Joel Randell said he was fortunate to get into one of Palmer’s traditional painting classes at UCO in 1993. Randell went on to help Palmer complete 450 murals around the state.
“His quiet insistence that I trust my talent, telling us to paint big during the semester helped me learn to paint in an impactful way to create colorful and lifelike murals.” Randell said. “I think that Bob can serve as an inspiration for all of us of the power of mentoring a new generation of artists. The new budgeting for public art across our communities is transforming the cultural landscape in Oklahoma towns and cities.”
Oklahoma art historians say Palmer had a lot to do with Edmond’s City of Art status by showing the way to engaging its citizens and visitors with public art.
The art rich community began with more than 100 sculptures and paintings. This was sparked 30 years ago when Palmer first took his mural painting class’s artists off campus from the University of Central Oklahoma to begin an intense mural painting campaign. This emphasis on adding public art to the community stretched seven semesters before they ran out of walls to paint in the downtown and outlying Edmond area.
This intense emphasis on public art in Edmond sparked many other public art installations, mostly focused on sculptures. The city created the Edmond Visual Arts Commission in 2001, half funded by Edmond’s Art in Public Places Program. It commissioned many art pieces placed across Edmond’s grassy intersections, city streets, business entrances and parks during the past 20 years.
Growing to more than 260 murals, sculptures and installations, Edmond exploded with public art. Edmond utility, transformer and traffic boxes are currently being transformed into works of art.
“As a public art muralist when you paint a scene on a huge scale the viewer is engaged through the powerful lens of their cultural heritage,” Palmer said. “My former students and I have done so many, when I retired, I finally put some of the best and largest into a book that has sold well.”
His hard back coffee table book “Painting Oklahoma and Beyond” with 500 photos of his murals is available at Painting Oklahoma and Beyond illustrates state murals (oklahomabooksonline.com).
“While other artists have paintings in the permanent collection of prestigious museums, my pride is based on far more people seeing mine daily,” Palmer said.
His last three decades as a prolific muralist means more of his art is on public display in Oklahoma than any artist in history and will remain so well into the future.
Palmer says while some artists have their photo taken with famous people, he tries his best to capture the normal street scene the viewer might have seen from the past at its most colorful and most robust.
“This mural work puts me on the road a lot. But I try to make sure the majority of my time away from home is applying paint to my murals,” Palmer said. “Along the way I have met so many neat people here in Oklahoma it has made it a fun, exciting life.”
“My wife has been my biggest fan. Starting off she wanted to keep track of every piece of art I did. After two years she realized that was not going to work and was happy to share her husband with the world,” Palmer said, referring to his wife of 48 years, Carolyn.

To celebrate the season, Willowood at Mustang Senior Living, offering assisted living and memory care, will be hosting a holiday “Parade of Trees” event.
Several local businesses and vendors have donated six to 14-foot Christmas trees decorated according to the theme: “Christmas Past, Present and Future.” From Wednesday, Dec. 1 through Tuesday, Dec. 14, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. daily, the public is invited to tour the display and enter a raffle to win a tree from the display. In addition, each tree will be entered to win the award for “Favorite Design.” The winning business or vendor will receive a wine and cheese basket to share with their team.
This event is free, and guests will be asked to follow COVID-19 protection measures. While vaccinations are not mandatory to attend, they are encouraged. Upon entry, guests will be given a symptom questionnaire. Hand sanitizer will be available and face masks are required inside to protect our residents.
“We’re so grateful for the generosity of the area businesses and vendors that partnered with us for this event and donated the festive Christmas trees for our ‘Parade of Trees,’” said Executive Director Cathy Collins. “We can’t wait for guests to visit our community and see what’s sure to be a winter wonderland.” Willowood at Mustang Senior Living was designed to meet the growing need for senior housing and health care in Canadian and Oklahoma Counties and the surrounding area. Willowood at Mustang provides assisted living and memory care residences and offers services centered on quality care and life enrichment. The community is managed by WellAge, a respected senior care management company located in Lakewood, Colorado. For more information about Willowood at Mustang Senior Living, call 405-860-6326 or visit www.WillowoodatMustang.com.

Blood clots are a major concern for people facing various health situations, including surgery, hospitalization and cancer. While current medications lower the risk of clots, they increase the chance of bleeding complications, to an extent that some people cannot take them. However, a new option may be on the horizon — a research study published today in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine shows promise for a new oral medication that is effective for preventing clots without increasing bleeding.
Gary Raskob, Ph.D., Dean of the Hudson College of Public Health at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center, is senior author of the publication and chair of the steering committee for the study. The study tested the drug Milvexian in patients undergoing knee replacement surgery, who have a high risk of developing clots in the deep veins of their legs. More than 1,200 patients undergoing surgery at 118 health centers in 18 countries participated in the trial. Results showed that a daily dose of 100 milligrams or more of Milvexian was more effective for preventing clots than the current standard of treatment and, importantly, it had a low risk of bleeding.
“We are encouraged by these initial results with this new oral anticoagulant that works differently from existing medications,” Raskob said. “We may finally be able to realize the longstanding goal of separating the benefit of anticoagulant medication for preventing clots from its side effect of increasing bleeding complications.”
There is an enormous need for drugs to prevent clots — two of the top 10 drugs sold across the world are anti-clotting medications, Raskob said. Blood clots can cause serious illness and disability. As the underlying cause of most heart attacks and strokes, and of clots in the legs that move to the lungs, they are responsible for about 1 in 4 deaths worldwide. Blood clots in the lungs, known as pulmonary embolism, are fatal for about 100,000 people each year in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Because so many people require the medications to reduce the risk of clots, researchers are devoting significant time and resources to developing new therapies that are effective and improve patient safety.
Researchers chose the drug Milvexian to study because of the way it reacts with a protein in the blood called Factor XI. People who have a genetic deficiency of Factor XI (a condition known as hemophilia C) have a lower chance of developing clots later in life, and they don’t have spontaneous bleeding complications compared to people with other types of hemophilia. This suggested to researchers that if Factor XI could be reduced in at-risk patients, clots could be prevented without bleeding complications. Milvexian works by binding to Factor XI and inhibiting it, which reduces the risk of clot development.
Most of Raskob’s research career has been devoted to the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of blood clots, formally called deep-vein thrombosis, as well as pulmonary embolism, a blockage that occurs when part of a clot breaks off and travels through the bloodstream to the lungs. In July, he was an author for another publication in the New England Journal of Medicine about abelacimab, a monoclonal antibody injected under the skin, which also targets Factor XI for the prevention of clots.

Willowood at Mustang Senior Living announces that industry veteran Cathy Collins will serve as the community’s new executive director. Collins will oversee operations of Willowood at Mustang Senior Living’s assisted living and memory care apartments.
Collins has served seniors for most of her life. A born and raised Oklahoman, she began her career as a certified nursing assistant, then a certified medical assistant, and later became a licensed practical nurse. In the years that followed, she worked in healthcare administration.
Now, as Executive Director for Willowood at Mustang, Collins will lead a team of senior care professionals in providing residents with the best quality services and care, all while ensuring residents are thriving in a loving, safe, fun community environment that feels like home.
“At the end of the day, it’s the best reward to know I’ve made a difference in residents’ lives,” said Collins. For more information about Willowood at Mustang Senior Living visit: https://willowoodatmustang.com/

Story by Darl Devault, Contributing Editor

Cliff Hudson shared his story of earning an OU history degree, a Georgetown University law degree and leading Sonic Corporation’s national growth to 3,600 franchises as a self-described jack-of-all-trades at the Second Half Expo in October.
As keynote speaker, the Edmond resident, 67, spoke at the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum in Oklahoma City. He emphasized at the beginning of his speech he still likes to read history. He made some history of his own during 34 years of helping lead Sonic to national acclaim in the drive-in restaurant world
“We were thrilled to have Cliff Hudson as the keynote speaker of our inaugural Second Half Expo,” said Bob Loudermilk, event founder. “As a successful businessperson and community leader, he has the credentials to deliver an impactful and credible message. Just like in his thought-provoking memoir “Master of None – How a Jack-of-All-Trades Can Still Reach the Top,” Cliff shared relatable experiences with his audience.”
Hudson gave several examples of how he listened to his franchisees ideas and adapted them into Sonic’s business of driving innovation and long-term business performance. Some would say this was crucial in making Sonic America’s Drive-In.
Hudson was tapped to lead Sonic in 1995, overseeing the drive-in chain’s growth from 1,500 locations in 27 states with systemwide yearly sales of $905 million to 3,547 locations in 46 states and systemwide sales of $4.5 billion. Franchise opportunities at Sonic have been rated as high as number three in the country.
His audience was treated to a surprisingly candid speaker who shared rare insight into his ability to climb the leadership ladder while guiding adaptation in the menu and business model at Sonic Corp.
Each time the Sonic board made him an offer to give him more leadership potential at the growing national brand Hudson was faced with a major decision, a consuming question about his career.
First hired as general counsel, promoted to chief financial officer and later chief operating officer, the board finally asked him to serve as CEO and chairman of the board.
As he became a more skilled negotiator and capable administrator, he said he would study at each new opportunity. He then had a dialogue with himself wherein he would ask himself what the outcome would be if he did not measure up to the new challenge.
Each time a promotion was offered he realized the worst thing that could happen to him was he would leave the company with more stock ownership and for the last promotion leave having been the CEO of a major national corporation. He served as CEO for 23 years.
But clearly all of this was based on a firm foundation of education, good interpersonal skills gained as president of Northwest Classen High School Student Council, and entrepreneurship from college on. While studying at the Georgetown University Law Center he edited the prestigious International Law Journal (a publication of the Association of Student International Law Societies).
He said several times there were valuable ideas offered by individual franchisees. He took their idea to sell ice cream, which Sonic did not then offer, to heart. He realized Sonic could add the two cheapest things to any product, air and water to create more sales and offer the customer more services. The more air added to ice cream produces a light and creamy texture. Water could be added to slushes and flavored drinks to expand a line of flavors to give the franchisees more products to sell and increase sales.
Seeing dissatisfaction among some of the franchisees about Sonic’s national product being so regulated sparked his innovation mindset. Instead of addressing too much regulation, he innovated by proposing arranging for suppliers to provide national contracts to standardize supplies delivered to each franchise location. This dropped the price franchisees were paying for their supplies and made them more successful.
His speech was well received and after the applause died down many in the audience formed a line to buy his memoir at a book signing. Hudson’s wife Leslie sat at the table with him, opening the books for him to autograph for the buyers.
“Hudson is a good role model for those in the 50+ generation and the gist of his philosophy is available at his web site. He appears to have no plans for slowing down anytime soon,” Loudermilk said. “In addition to his time with family and now serving of counsel in the Crowe and Dunlevy’s Oklahoma City office, Cliff serves on three non-profit boards as well one for-profit board.”
Hudson’s philanthropy extends to local schools and his alma maters. The Hudsons endowed the Hudson Fellows scholarship fund for select Ph.D. students at the University of Oklahoma College of Public Health. They increased their scholarship gifts to $5 million and the OU Board of Regents named the (now) Hudson College of Public Health in their honor in 2018.
He is past chairperson of Georgetown University Law Center’s Board of Visitors. In addition he has served on the Oklahoma City School Board and the board of the Oklahoma City MAPS for Kids—a $700 million school revitalization program.

by Greg Schwem

I know my memory is ebbing as I age. Why else would I run to the Apple Store at least twice a year to replace charging chords I was CERTAIN I had packed before leaving the hotel room or home share property where I spend so much of my time now that I’m traveling again?
But I refuse to blame the alarming disappearance of wardrobe items on my mental faculties. Especially when my daughters are convinced a haunted spirit, one that seems to grow more annoying each day, lives within my family’s confines.
As I write this, I am still searching for a sweatshirt, adorned with my youngest daughter’s college emblem, that I planned to wear on a recent campus visit. I ended up having to purchase one at the university bookstore. Is it me or do colleges double the prices on souvenirs when parents’ weekend rolls around?
My oldest daughter, living at home while she completes an online master’s degree, is convinced the ghost took it.
“What ghost?” I asked, while tearing apart my closet and finding, among other things, an insurance card from 1997 and a receipt from a local paint store.
“The one that randomly closes my door,” she said. “And turns on the ceiling fan light when I’m sleeping. That happened last week.”
She is also convinced the ghost is male, as evidenced by the low voice she claimed to have heard one night while watching television; a voice her sister also heard from the other room.
“He took your sweatshirt for sure,” she said.
I scoffed at her supernatural beliefs, certain the shirt would turn up eventually.
Until my shorts disappeared too.
I had returned from a workout and, a day later, realized they were missing. Normally I wouldn’t care; I do possess other exercise attire, unlike some of the guys at my gym. I don’t know the name of the dude who spends 30 minutes every morning on the elliptical machine, but I do know he is very fond of his 1985-86 Chicago Bears Super Bowl T-shirt. On the rare day he is absent, I assume he is doing laundry.
But then I remembered I had put my driver’s license in these shorts. Ever lose your driver’s license? It limits your ability to perform a myriad of functions, only one of which is driving.
I searched my closet. I emptied my laundry hamper. I did the same to a half-unpacked suitcase from a previous trip. I strained my back pulling the washer and dryer away from the wall, convinced the shorts had fallen behind one of them. I checked unlikely places, including under my bed, my office desk drawers and even our kitchen pantry. I know that’s weird, but I once shut the pantry door not realizing our dog was in there. Never a barker, she simply laid down and napped until dinner time.
Meanwhile, my daughter watched from the doorway.
“It’s the ghost,” she said.
“It’s not the ghost,” I yelled in frustration, gesturing with a hand dripping in last week’s garbage. The shorts weren’t in there either.
“I know I did not leave the gym without pants. Somebody would have noticed. Probably the police.”
That evening I announced I would be getting up early to obtain a new license at the Illinois Department of Motor Vehicles. If the shorts turned up, I gave my wife and daughter strict instructions not to move them.
“Do not disturb the crime scene,” I said.
The next morning the shorts were neatly folded on my bathroom vanity.
“They were in my suitcase,” my wife said. “Don’t ask me how they ended up there.”
But I know EXACTLY how they ended up there.
The male ghost is trying to drive me insane.
So he can move in on my wife.
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.
You’ve enjoyed reading, and laughing at, Greg Schwem’s monthly humor columns in Senior Living News. But did you know Greg is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian? And he loves to make audiences laugh about the joys, and frustrations, of growing older. Watch the clip and, if you’d like Greg to perform at your senior center or senior event, contact him through his website at www.gregschwem.com)