At 93 years old, Carlene Pearce remains a very active 29-year volunteer with the Retired and Senior Volunteer Program of Central Oklahoma, a United Way of Central Oklahoma partner. Through RSVP, she volunteers her time with the American Red Cross sewing group and since March, has stitched more than 350 face masks that are distributed in the community to help with COVID-19 safety.
As part of her sewing group, Carlene says she sews 3-6 hours a day, taking at least one day off to tend to her own projects. During the pandemic, she and her group, which typically meets on Thursdays, are working strictly from home. She is currently making masks, but also does a lot of sewing for Veteran’s groups making tote bags, pillows, lap throws, and eyeglass cases.
“I’ve been sewing since I was 14 years old. My grandma taught me how and I love any kind of handcraft. I have to have some sewing project in my hand,” she said.
In the nearly three decades with RSVP of Central Oklahoma, she’s volunteered with the Midwest City Police Department, OU Children’s Hospital, the Hugs Project, and Veteran’s Hospital. She’s logged more than 15,000 hours as a volunteer.
“Volunteering keeps me busy and I know that if it is helping someone else, it brings me joy and a sense of ease,” Carlene said.
Since 1973, RSVP of Central Oklahoma has helped senior adults continue to live with purpose and meaning by connecting them with rewarding community volunteer opportunities, including RSVP’s Provide-A-Ride Senior Transportation Program. RSVP is a partner of Senior Corps and the United Way of Central Oklahoma. To learn more about becoming a volunteer, call Laura McPheeters at 405.605.3110 or visit rsvpokc.org. You can also follow RSVP on Facebook at facebook.com/RSVPokc.
Stitching Helps Volunteer’s Outlook Through Pandemic
Fran Drescher and “The Nanny” Reunion
by Nick Thomas

Reassembling a dozen cast members from a popular 90s TV sitcom could pose a challenge for any network, much less an individual. But it was a task Fran Drescher relished. As the nasal voiced star of the hit CBS series “The Nanny,” Drescher co-created and co-produced the show along with then-husband Peter Marc Jacobson.
“Peter came up with the reunion idea for fans stuck at home during isolation and I said right away let’s do it if everyone in the cast is available,” said Drescher from her home in Malibu.
Unable to meet collectively in a studio due to quarantine restrictions, all 12 credited actors who appeared in the 1993 pilot agreed to participate from their home in April in a “Pandemic Table Read” via a Zoom split-screen reading of that first episode, interspersed with cuts from the original broadcast.
In addition to the cast, Jacobson narrated the reading while Ann Hampton Callaway – composer and performer of the show’s catchy theme – opened with a lively rendition on piano.
Drescher admits the reunion brought memories flooding back. “To see everybody and to hear the words again made me miss the show and everyone in it so much. It gave me a lift during this terrible period. Hopefully, it did the same for fans.”
Although nearly 20 years have passed since “The Nanny” first aired, Drescher says she still remembers the pilot and the live studio audience.
“They didn’t know the characters or what to expect from us,” she recalled. “But they quickly got it and were soon anticipating laughing almost before we said the lines. They had never really experienced an outrageous character like Nanny Fran Fine that incorporated elements of Cinderella, Mary Poppins, and The Sound of Music’s Maria.”
Several years after “The Nanny” ended production, Drescher was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She completely recovered, but the experience steered her toward a second career to promote a “whole-body approach to wellness” and form the Cancer Schmancer Movement in 2007 (see www.cancerschmancer.org). More recently, Drescher produced a series of videos called “Corona Care 4 You” featuring interviews with health experts during the pandemic.
A longtime advocate of natural foods and products, Drescher was isolated at home for weeks during the spring like much of the country and used the time to catch up on TV shows, writing, and cleaning. As Nanny Fine, her famous TV character might not have scolded Niles the Butler for using corrosive cleaning products to sanitize the Sheffield’s home in which the 90s Nanny series was set, but today she probably would.
“I use 65% alcohol in a spray bottle with a little water and some peppermint oil which smells nice and has some antimicrobial properties,” she said.
Despite the forced home confinement, Drescher took it largely in her stride.
“I happen to like staying at home, so I don’t get cabin fever easily,” says Drescher who currently stars in the NBC comedy “Indebted.” But for the actress and her former husband with whom she remains close friends, their collaboration on “The Nanny” remains a career milestone. “This was our baby and we remember everything about it.”
Nick Thomas teaches at Auburn University at Montgomery and has written features, columns, and interviews for over 800 newspapers and magazines.
Physician Housecalls Announces New Psychiatric Services
Oklahoma-based health care company expands offerings for homebound patients
Physician Housecalls, a medical provider specializing in home-based primary care for chronically ill and elderly patients, will now offer psychiatric services to clients in Oklahoma and Kansas.
“Our providers are trained and experienced in treating diseases of the body, but like most primary care practitioners, they have little experience with mental health issues,” said Cindy Longanacre, co-founder, owner and vice president of Physician Housecalls. “By adding mental health services to our established primary care offerings, we’re better able to address diverse patient needs.”
Nurse practitioner Rolanda Davis will lead the company’s psychiatric care efforts. Davis treats diseases like dementia, Alzheimer’s, depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia — she can also prescribe medications and provide counseling services, both through in-person visits and telehealth.
Davis said the need for psychiatric services has risen as part of the global health crisis.
“Depression and anxiety rates are increasing. Many people are isolated from their families, and they’re unsure what the world will look like from one day to the next,” she said. “Now more than ever, we all need to focus on our mental health. I look forward to working with patients in Oklahoma and Kansas to address these issues and hopefully provide them with a sense of calm and relief.”
Physician Housecalls is actively hiring psychiatric nurse providers in its operating areas to accommodate the growing need. For more information, visit www.housecallsok.com.
Founded in 2012, Physician Housecalls provides home based primary care, chronic care management, care plan oversight, transition management services, wellness visits and behavioral health integration services to patients in post-acute facilities and private homes across Oklahoma and Kansas.
Seniors Can Have Fat Bike Fun

by Darl DeVault

Bicycling is experiencing a resurgence lately because it provides a fun, healthy way to spend time outdoors while riders keep a safe social distance from others. Seniors might consider the comfortable modern Fat Bikes that will bring back memories of bicycles in the 1960s.
Modern fat tire bikes, or Fat Bikes as they are called, are off-road bicycles providing seniors comfortable and smooth riding because of the oversized tires, no matter where they ride. The elderly appreciates these bicycles because they are designed so the rider maintains an upright position with no strain on their back. The handlebars are straight, again easing pressure on the back by not requiring a crouching position over the bike.
Seniors who cycle or want to start riding again might want to test ride a Trek Fat Bike. It is a cross between a light-weight racing bike, with its multi-speed gearing, and a balloon-tired “paperboy” bike of the 1950s.
Many seniors are riding more now because the activity can slow down the progression of aging, deterioration in muscle mass, and much more, according to many medical studies.
Remember your first balloon-tired bike? These new fat tires are almost three times bigger than those balloon tires, which expands regular 2-to- 2.25-inch mountain bike tires to a whopping, comfortable, cruising 4-5 inches. With all that squishy rubber under you, comfort rules the day.
These bikes have the best kind of frames for a senior, the step-through design. This enables the rider to get on and off the bicycle easily. It will perform well during your regular commute or a Sunday country ride. The choice of more gears is generally helpful. If you have a lot of climbing to do and prefer easy pedaling with more revolutions and less resistance for each pedal stroke, the gears provide that option.
With these big tires you achieve a floating sensation when riding along. Fat Bikes are a lot of fun and come with a built-in smile factor – you cannot help but grin to yourself if you like to bicycle.
These Fat Bikes have everything, as manufacturers are now putting real engineering and design technology into them. Racing-bicycle metallurgy, extremely light but strong, means the design allows the Fat tires to dampen road shock and provide stability over rough terrain.
Here is my recent off-road test. I took a Fat Bike off the pavement and up a nearby berm to test the fun.
The added buoyancy of plenty of air between the rim and the ground meant it was simply a matter of powering through the uneven terrain.
My first pass…. I started up the steeply sloping hillside only to discover about two-thirds of the way up that it was sandy soil. The loose soil quickly brought my speed down. When I noticed I was not making good progress I simply applied more power.
I continued my climb. What a feeling, I was on top of the world! I was in control and staying upright while climbing over difficult and uneven terrain.
It made all the difference in the world to my confidence to know that I had climbed the steepest area without using all the gearing available.
The length of the wheelbase, because of extra-size tires, alone adds a dimension of stability. Forget the huge contact patch with the ground; the longer wheelbase gives your ride a squish not available any other way. It seems to even some obstacles out without effort from the rider.
Senior riders can opt for significantly lower tire pressure. Think 15 or 10 psi, or even lower still. This gives the tire some significant squish, and that play translates to more rubber conforming to the trail for serious grip.
I rode back and forth on top of the berm several times, finding new routes, weaving in and out of the trees and around obstacles. I could cut back against the hill and accelerate to support my balance after going around bushes.
I was proud of being able to handle the bike in such tight quarters. I took on harder terrain, happy to come shooting out of the underbrush into the open unscathed.
So far, so good. Now it was time to ride down. I felt I was in control… that I could use the disc brakes and if necessary, the whole rear tire in slowing down. Coming down was a pleasure, the control of the bike suddenly became all mine again. Slaloming on the 4-inch fat tires was a breeze.
I felt I had more control over the bike descending than at any other time, especially with the longer wheelbase. I knew that if I kept my center of gravity low and the bike centered beneath me, those sturdy fat tires could take any punishment. This confidence allowed me to steer right where I wanted it to go.
While Fat Biking over changing terrain takes coordination, and quickness, it gives the cyclist the elation of triumphing over unpredictable conditions and challenges. Finally, it instills a “can-do” attitude that is as comfortable as a bicycle can get.
If you ride, please buy a helmet, and wear it. Today’s helmets are adjustable and comfortable to wear while the air flow through the vents keep your head cool.
Senior cyclists owning the new-generation Fat Bike can also try out what they term Gravel Rides, taking backcountry unpaved scenic routes on their new contraptions.
Imagine a bicycle with bigger than a paperboy balloon tires by two and a half times taking the tension off major joints, and you have the start of what you might find as the inspiration to cycle more.
Home at HarborChase

story and photo by Bobby Anderson, Staff Writer
Simply stunning.
No other words quite describe the feeling of walking into HarborChase of South Oklahoma City.
Visually remarkable, the brand new assisted living and memory care residence located at 10801 S May Ave is a treat for all five senses.
Depending on the hour or day, you might hear the smooth gospel stylings of pianist Gatha Graham or the laughter from the main dining room.
In the afternoon, the smell of freshly popped popcorn wafts through the air.
Wood-fired pizza directly out of the oven, crab cakes or a prime rib dinner cooked to order await to be enjoyed downstairs or in the privacy of your residence with room service.
Amenities abound at Oklahoma City’s newest senior residence offering.
“It’s amazing,” says Executive Director Willena Ferguson while walking through the finely-appointed property, which is also licensed as a hotel by the state.
After spending the past 15 years in senior living, Ferguson has spent the last 14 months bringing HarborChase to life in the metro.
Residents began moving in February 29 prior to the recent quarantine.
Vero Beach, Fla. – based Harbor Retirement Associates brings the luxury living option to Oklahoma.
HRA operates more than 35 communities in eight states and is partnering on the construction of even more communities in seven additional states. HRA manages over $150 million in revenue and approximately $1 billion in assets while employing 2,000 associates.
HarborChase of South Oklahoma City is now accepting new residents and is proud that through June, the residence remained entirely Coved-free with no residents or employees testing positive.
That’s thanks to a stringent entry criteria as well an extensive daily sanitization regimen.
Temperature checks are completed three times daily. No one can enter the facility without having their temperature scanned.
The building is disinfected twice daily.
The Oklahoma Room is a crowning jewel at the residence. The nearly 1,900-square foot safe room is rated by FEMA to withstand 500-mile-per-hour winds. An enclosed generator ensures power and a full-stocked pantry provides food and water for residents for up to three days in the case of disaster.
Some $400,000 worth of concrete – nearly two-feet thick – protects residents as does the bulletproof glass and rolling steel hurricane shutters.
“It’s really kind of cool some of the amenities they put into the building,” said Ferguson, who also noted the space serves as a movie theatre room, and a chapel.
HarborChase offers both one and two-bedroom assisted living options.
From the very first day a resident moves into HarborChase, they are a familiar name and face, treated as a respected and cherished member of the family. Ferguson and her staff are dedicated to providing an ongoing feeling of connection, communication, comfort and caring. Upon arrival, a unique “Silhouette of My Life” profile for each individual resident is created to ensure that their wants, needs and desires are being met.
This customized profile allows care partners to create fun activities and programs based around residents’ favorite pastimes, foods and memories.
Each day, care partners offer respectful assistance with walking, dressing, grooming and more. You’ll rest easy knowing that your loved one’s medical needs are provided for by a caring and compassionate team of licensed nurses and medication assistants.
In order to help nurture their independence, your loved one will receive the personalized level of care and support they need with friendly supportive services that truly make life easier and more enjoyable. An active and purposeful lifestyle awaits your loved one at HarborChase.
A dedicated memory care unit is also built in.
Harbor Chase’s acclaimed Memory Care neighborhood is a safe, serene and loving harbor for residents and their families.
A putting green sits in the interior courtyard next to the cabana. A family of ducks seems to enjoy the fountains and raised, self-watering flower beds that are being installed next to their float pool.
An art studio and fitness gym are also on site.
Business Office Manager, Tia Crittenden, has worked with Ferguson for 10 years now, following her along her journey.
“I have a really huge loyalty to Willie. She’s an amazing director,” Crittenden said. “Her standards are very high.”
Ferguson smiles and explains it all comes down to setting the bar high and building lasting relationships.
“I love this population,” Ferguson said.
And there’s no doubt this population will love HarborChase.
HarborChase is located at 10801 S May Ave, Oklahoma City, OK 73170. Call (405) 429-8386 for more information or visit: www.harborchase.com
Stephenson Cancer Center Part of Trial Resulting in New Treatment for Metastatic Prostate Cancer
Stephenson Cancer Center at OU Medicine took part in an international clinical trial that proved the effectiveness of an oral medication for metastatic prostate cancer, the first treatment advance for that disease in many years.
Results of the trial, which studied the drug relugolix, were published in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine. One of the lead authors is Michael Cookson, M.D., Stephenson Cancer Center urologic oncologist and chair of the Department of Urology in the OU College of Medicine.
The mainstay of treatment for metastatic prostate cancer is androgen deprivation therapy, also called hormonal therapy, in which a man’s testosterone level is lowered in order to put cancer cells into a state of remission. For many years, the therapy has been available only in the form of an injection, which sends a signal to the brain to shut down the production of testosterone. The new trial studying the oral drug relugolix showed the same ability to lower testosterone, perhaps even better, as well as a decrease in several side effects that occurred with the injection.
“Prostate cancer is the second-leading cause of cancer deaths among men,” Cookson said. “This study is exciting because it is the first trial to demonstrate that men can take a pill instead of having to go to the doctor’s office for shots, and the cancer control is just as effective. But there were several additional findings that are also positive.”
One of the trial’s bonus findings centers around how a man’s testosterone is lowered, Cookson said. Injections work by stimulating the pituitary gland so that there is initially a slight overproduction of testosterone before it starts to lower. That “flare” of testosterone after the injection delays the effectiveness of the therapy. However, the drug relugolix is able to tell the brain to stop producing testosterone immediately without a flare.
“In addition, because the pills directly send the message to stop testosterone production, they lowered the testosterone level faster than injections do, and kept it lower over the duration of the study,” Cookson said. “And perhaps even more interesting is that once men stopped taking the pill, their testosterone level rebounded fairly quickly, whereas men who received injections can take up to a year to go back to their normal testosterone levels.”
Another important finding of the trial was a decrease in cardiovascular side effects in men who received the oral drug vs. the injection. While cardiovascular side effects were not eliminated in men who took the pill, they were significantly lowered, Cookson said.
Stephenson Cancer Center was one of many centers around the world that collectively enrolled more than 900 men to the trial. The patients were randomized to receive either the injection or the oral drug, then their health was monitored for 48 weeks. The next, and final, step is to seek approval from the Food and Drug Administration to offer the drug relugolix to patients with metastatic prostate cancer.
Because Stephenson is a National Cancer Institute-Designated Cancer Center and one of the nation’s top enrollers in NCI clinical trials, it treats many men with metastatic prostate cancer, Cookson said.
“This clinical trial is part of our portfolio for men with this disease,” he said. “Our prostate cancer program is unique because it is truly multidisciplinary, offering the most advanced medical, surgical and radiation therapy treatments with access to clinical trials, all at the same center.”
Zoom zoom: RN student stays strong

story and photo by Bobby Anderson, Staff Writer
Three kids, final exams and a 12-hour shift at the hospital in front of her.
Lauri Gosney has a way to deal with all of it.
She cranks up the music and let’s loose.
“I can’t not dance,” the Oklahoma City Community College nursing student said. “It’s my happy place.”
Gosney first went to college at Rose State where she worked as a lifeguard and taught senior citizen water aerobics.
The Zumba craze happened shortly after she had her kids. One class and she was hooked.
“I tried my first class in March of 2009 and started teaching in May 2009 and have taught ever since,” she said. “I just love to dance and I have absolutely no shame as far as dancing goes.”
And she’s helped hundreds get through quarantine and now social distancing through her online Zumba workouts via Zoom.
Gosney teaches classes at The Health Club in Norman, which has opened back up with distancing restrictions.
But for anyone who needs them, Gosney hosts online classes from her home.
An active group of friends and followers on Facebook find out her Zoom times weekly and attend from the comfort of their own home, garage, park or wherever.
“This is what I generally like to tell people: if you’re worried about what you you look like or about looking dumb just don’t care,” said Gosney, who loves to dance so much she once taught a class at 8:30 p.m. before having her baby six hours later. “We’re all working out having fun and enjoying dancing. No one cares about what the other people look like.”
“Focus on you because that’s what it should be about – your fitness or your stress relief or your enjoyment. If you enjoy what you’re doing you’re going to look cool at what you’re doing and people will want to do it with you.”
Gosney tells people they can turn off their own video and just watch her. Even she’s too busy to focus on 30 or more frames of people individually.
“It is a nice thing to get people a chance to try it who have been scared to try,” she said. “If I can see someone that’s new to a class I can break it down a little more.”
Gosney says she has the occasional participant Venmo her $5 or $10 but it’s not what she does it for.
“The amount of money I could make doing this is not enough to push it,” she said. “I just enjoy doing it. It’s a hobby for me. I like to dance. I’d rather just dance and people come rather than try to make $30 off a class.”
“I feel like I have a following. People have been coming to my class for 10 years.”
Gosney graduated from Harrah High School before heading to Rose State to play soccer. Her soccer coach also happened to be the boss at the college pool.
She would spend 10 years as a lifeguard total, even earning lifeguard of the Year for the entire southwest region twice.
“I’ve got that competitive nature so any competition I’m going to try really hard,” she said.
Now with kids ages 14, 11 and eight, her next competition is with herself and nursing school.
A stay-at-home mom for 14 years, Gosney wanted to find a career with security. She settled on nursing.
“It kind of was more of a necessity,” she explained. “I found out I was pretty good at it.”
At the hospital, Gosney works on a critical care floor taking care of anywhere between eight and 12 patients as a certified nursing assistant.
“I was definitely shocked at how much work there is,” she said. “I don’t sit down a lot. It’s go, go, go, go but I kind of like it. It makes the day go by so fast.”
It’s fast-paced and good experience.
I definitely wanted some experience,” she said. “I had never even worked in a healthcare setting and if I was going to become a nurse I wanted that experience and just be able to get my foot in the door as far as what kind of nurse I would like to be. And using the skills I’ve learned so far at the patient bedside setting will help me be more confident as a nurse.”
Oklahoma History Center Announces Winners of 2020 National History Day
Ten students representing five Oklahoma school systems received recognition for their projects during the 2020 National History Day (NHD) contest. The national contest is the final stage in a series of contests beginning at the local/regional and state/affiliate levels. This event is held annually to highlight the work of middle and high school students from the United States and several countries around the world who have prepared projects with a particular theme in mind. The theme for 2020 was “Breaking Barriers in History,” and students presented their work in the form of papers, documentaries, performances, exhibits or websites. The Oklahoma History Center serves as the state sponsor for Oklahoma National History Day (OkNHD) and coordinates the state competition, while various local sponsors manage regional events.
Students begin their journey by presenting their projects in classrooms, schools and regional contests across the country. Top entries are invited to the state/affiliate level contests. The top two entries in each category at the state/affiliate level are then invited to the national contest. In past years, state winners have had the opportunity to travel to College Park, Maryland, for judging in the National History Day contest. However, the COVID-19 pandemic meant an alteration in how this event was traditionally held. This year, all presentations and entries were uploaded to the NHD registry, then downloaded and reviewed by the judges. The judging panels were comprised of teachers, graduate students, authors, historians and volunteers from various museums domestically, as well as seven international sites. The Smithsonian Institution, of which the Oklahoma History Center is an active affiliate, also contributed judges from its staff, as well as from other national affiliates.
“This year posed many challenges to the students, not the least was the fact that the schools were closed,” said Sarah Dumas, director of education at the Oklahoma History Center and OkNHD state coordinator. “Research on their particular projects had to be done wherever they could find it. It seems that this year’s theme, ‘Breaking Barriers,’ became a reality to all those who participated in this wonderful event.”
Judging for the national contest, also done virtually, was completed between May 23 and June 6. The Oklahoma students who earned honors at the 2020 National History Day competition are as follows:
1. First Place in Senior Group Website: Evan McCrackin, Justin Yang and Shoaib Jamil for their website entitled “For the Rainbow Children of God: Desmond Tutu’s Perilous Conquest against South African Apartheid.” Their teacher at Norman Public Schools is Margaret Wadleigh.
2. Special Award for Discovery or Exploration in History: Amelia Peoples, Cate Mossman and Kate Schein for their Senior Group Documentary entitled “The Journey to Mars: How Donna Shirley Broke Barriers for Women in Space Engineering.” Their teacher at Classen School of Advanced Studies in Oklahoma City is Billy Tillman.
3. Special Award for Equality in History: Alexa Delgado and McKayla Howerton for their Junior Group Exhibit entitled “Woman vs. Woman.” Their teacher at Canton Public Schools is Penny Heath.
4. Special Award for Outstanding Junior State Entry: Zayda Sherwood for Junior Paper entitled “Love Conquers All: How Loving v. Virginia Helped Break Racial Barriers.” Her teacher at Canton Public Schools is Penny Heath.
5. Special Award for Outstanding Senior State Entry: Jordan Mason for her Senior Individual Performance entitled “Bright Not Broken: The Barrier Between Autism and Agriculture.” Her teacher at Burns Flat-Dill City Public Schools is Patsy Lyles.
National History Day is a nonprofit education organization in College Park, Maryland. Established in 1974, NHD offers year-long academic programs that engage more than half a million middle and high school students around the world annually in conducting original research on historical topics of interest. NHD also seeks to improve the quality of history education by providing professional development opportunities and curriculum materials for educators.
The Oklahoma History Center is a division of the Oklahoma Historical Society and is an affiliate of the Smithsonian Institution, National Archives and is an accredited member of the American Alliance of Museums. The mission of the Oklahoma Historical Society is to collect, preserve and share the history and culture of the state of Oklahoma and its people. Founded in 1893 by members of the Territorial Press Association, the OHS maintains museums, historic sites and affiliates across the state. Through its research archives, exhibits, educational programs and publications the OHS chronicles the rich history of Oklahoma. For more information about the OHS, please visit www.okhistory.org.
Greg Schwem: Welcome to the United States of ‘Do as you Please’
The warning alarm knifed through the humid air as my foursome exited the eighth green. Dark clouds overhead meant rain was imminent; the accompanying siren signaled lightning had been spotted and all golfers were to clear the course immediately.
IMMEDIATELY.
We scrambled into our carts and beelined for the clubhouse, never once considering remaining on the course and playing 10 more holes. Despite seeing pockets of sun trying to poke through the gloom, I’ve seen enough charred tree trunks on golf courses to know the power of a lightning bolt. Not to mention the fact that a golf bag is basically comprised of 14 metal sticks.
Besides, rules are rules, right?
As we approached the clubhouse, we saw plenty of other golfers heading … the opposite direction. A foursome of cigar-chomping bros was teeing off on number one. A dad with his daughter, no more than 8 and the proud owner of a pink flowered golf bag, appeared ready to start their round, rain, lightning and rules be damned.
Such is the nature of living in a country synonymous with freedom. The Cambridge dictionary defines freedom as “the condition or right of being able or allowed to do, say, think, etc. whatever you want to, without being controlled or limited.” And my, oh my, are we getting good at it.
Turn off our cellphones because it’s time for the plane to push back from the gate? Sorry, I’m on an important call with my swimming pool contractor and my freedom takes precedence over an on-time departure.
Leash our dog in a bird-watching section of Central Park because that’s what the signs say? Too bad. That’s a violation of my dog’s constitutional rights, never mind that my dog can’t distinguish a copy of the Constitution from a rolled-up newspaper.
Wear a mask in a retail establishment because doing so might ward off a virus that has killed more than 100,000 people and doesn’t seem to be abating despite, um, warm weather? Excuse me, but nobody tells me how and where to breathe for doing so is a violation of my air intake freedom.
Looking back, I’m starting to question all the parenting decisions I made with my children, now 18 and 23. At the community pool, when lifeguards simultaneously blew their whistles at 50 minutes past each hour, it signaled “Adult Swim” for the next 10 minutes. If my kids dawdled, my wife and I yelled, “Out of the pool. You know the rules.”
Think of all the valuable swimming time my children missed. I should have yelled, “Keep swimming, girls. Nobody can tell you to leave the pool. That’s a violation of your Marco Polo freedom.”
When they were high school students, and the temptations of alcohol began to appear, we were firm: No parties in our house with liquor, for underage drinking is against the law. Silly us. I should have set up a fully stocked bar in my basement. And when police arrived to shut down the festivities, I should have scolded them for illegally entering my premises, verbally harassing the guests — including the 15-year-old cheerleader puking in the bathroom — and impinging on the kids’ First Amendment rights to openly discuss the new Selena Gomez single. That’s a veritable trifecta of freedom violations.
And what about my freedoms? The town where I live has an ordinance stating I can only run my yard sprinklers on even numbered calendar days. Ha! My grass blades are on my property and it should be up to me to decide when they receive nourishment. If I’m slapped with a fine, I’ll take my cues from our freedom-loving president and appeal this horrible injustice all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.
I could go on and on stating all the times my freedoms have been trampled, but this column is due and I’m under strict orders to have it in by Tuesday morning.
On second thought, I’ll submit it whenever I feel like it. Need I say why?
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.)
You’ve enjoyed reading, and laughing at, Greg Schwem’s monthly humor columns in Senior Living News. But did you know Greg is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian? And he loves to make audiences laugh about the joys, and frustrations, of growing older. Watch the clip and, if you’d like Greg to perform at your senior center or senior event, contact him through his website at www.gregschwem.com)








