by Greg Schwem

Eight girls, all in their early 20s and adorned with “Birthday Babe” T-shirts, frolicked along the Savannah, Georgia, riverfront amid the city’s St. Patrick’s Day celebration.
“Who’s the birthday girl?” yelled Savannah Mayor Van Johnson, interrupting an interview he was conducting with me.
“This one!” they yelled, pointing to one girl holding a pink beverage.
“Where are your masks?” Johnson said.
“We’re from Florida,” one replied.
“You’re in Georgia now,” Johnson retorted. “Please put them on.”
The girls complied as Johnson briefly stepped away from the camera to pose for a picture. Ironically, we had just been talking about Savannah’s mask mandate, a policy many revelers openly violated in a city known for raucous St. Patrick’s Day celebrations.
The following evening, as I performed stand-up comedy in Savannah’s entertainment district, a clearly overserved woman, in her mid-50s, constantly interrupted my act forcing me, at one point, to ask, “Is it OK if I talk every now and then?”
When the show ended, I slapped on a fake smile as she approached.
“Thanks for coming,” I said.
“I know y’all don’t mean that,” she replied, oblivious to the fact that she was only addressing one person. “But I don’t care. I’m from Georgia.”
In just over 24 hours I had witnessed two instances where state pride was deemed an excuse for risky, and stupid, behavior. I guess it’s time to tear up municipal code enforcement manuals, state regulatory guides and federal law books. Do whatever you want, America. Justify it with your place of residence.
Now of course, this is a humor column so I’m not actually condoning dangerous and illegal activities. In other words, Des Moines natives, don’t cause a miles long traffic jam by driving your John Deere tractor at 10 miles per hour in the middle of Interstate 80 and yelling, “I’m from Iowa!” at frustrated motorists.
But, Brooklynites, feel free to come to Chicago, purchase a slice of deep-dish pizza and fold it on the subway before you consume it. Yes, tomato sauce, cheese and probably a meatball or two will squirt out onto a nearby rider but that’s their problem. You’re from New York.
Conversely, Chicago residents, head to the Big Apple, order a hot dog from a street vendor, take a bite, spit it onto the sidewalk and then refuse to pay because the dog doesn’t contain celery salt. When he looks at you in confusion, show him your driver’s license.
Colorado, when it came to legalizing marijuana, you were trailblazers, no pun intended. But, if you plan to fire up a joint in Alabama, you could be looking at a year in jail and a $6,000 fine. Or you could just tell the arresting officer you live in the land of ski resorts and Coors beer and continue walking toward the 7-11 for a bag of Doritos. I’m sure he’d understand.
According to a 2019 Thrillist survey, Heinz Ketchup is most popular in Pennsylvania, no surprise considering the condiment was invented there. So, Pittsburgh residents, just bring your own bottle into a high-end Nebraska steakhouse and slather it onto that 16-oz T-bone. Better yet, do it in the presence of the chef and say, “NOW it’s perfect.”
Finally, if you are planning to cause a disruption and then proudly announce where you are from, it’s best to be from a state that isn’t known for much of anything. Walk drunkenly into a wedding you aren’t invited to, kiss the bride on the lips and say, “Don’t mind me, I’m from Maine.”
You can make a quick exit while all the guests Google, “wedding traditions in Maine.”
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.
You’ve enjoyed reading, and laughing at, Greg Schwem’s monthly humor columns in Senior Living News. But did you know Greg is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian? And he loves to make audiences laugh about the joys, and frustrations, of growing older. Watch the clip and, if you’d like Greg to perform at your senior center or senior event, contact him through his website at www.gregschwem.com)

Larae Sorrels of Enid was 27 years old when she started experiencing what she thought were just terrible menstrual cramps. She went to see several OB/GYNS before a mass was discovered obstructing her bowels. Sorrels admits at first, she didn’t really think much of it. “I thought finally I knew what was causing my problems. I thought they’ll remove the mass and that will be the end of it. Never in a million years did I think it was cancer.”
Sorrels was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer. She confesses, it was a hard pill to swallow. “There was a lot of anger. I remember thinking this is an old man’s disease and here I am in my twenties being forced to wear a colostomy bag.”
Larae has no family history of cancer and never even knew anyone with cancer, so she was truly blindsided by the diagnosis. “I had just been accepted to nursing school in Kentucky. Then two days later I was being admitted into the hospital,” remembers Sorrels. “I thought my life was ruined and I sank into a very dark place.”
“Nobody knows for sure why colorectal cancer numbers are rising in young people,” says Sumbal Nabi, M.D., with the INTEGRIS Cancer Institute in Enid. “A sedentary lifestyle, high blood sugar, vitamin D deficiency and eating a lot of red meat have all been associated with the disease. Heavy alcohol use and conditions such as type 2 diabetes are also possible causes.”
She adds, “When someone is diagnosed with cancer at a young age, people automatically suspect genetics, but experts still haven’t been able to use genetics to explain the surge.”
Sorrels says eventually she was able to pick herself up, dust herself off and give herself an attitude adjustment. “I could have stayed mad at the world, but I finally realized that everyone goes through hard stuff. I told myself I had a decision to make. I could choose to stay down, or I could choose to make the most of the situation and crawl my way out. I chose the latter.”
Sorrels enrolled in the nursing program at Northern Oklahoma College. She attended class all through her treatment, even carrying her medicine pump with her around campus.
Instead of the 12 rounds of chemotherapy she was initially prescribed, Larae ended up only needing eight. She has been in remission since Dec. 2019. She says the entire experience will make her a better nurse. “I feel like I will be able to relate to my patients because I’ve been there,” Sorrels proclaims. “I can help them see past their current circumstance and see a brighter future.”
She continues, “Even if I could go back and change what has happened to me – I wouldn’t. It was a tough road, but it led me to some great things.”
Sorrels is now cancer free, in a serious relationship and will graduate nursing school in May 2022. She hopes her story will serve as an inspiration to someone out there who needs it.
Colon cancer can take many years to develop, so early detection is key. Starting at age 50, you should schedule your fist colonoscopy. And if you are of African American decent or have certain hereditary conditions, you may need to start much sooner.
People with a first degree relative with colon or rectal cancer should begin screening colonoscopies at age 40 or ten years before the diagnosis of the relative, whichever comes first. To schedule a colonoscopy today, visit integrisok.com/colonoscopy.

Liam Sasser was no stranger to research when he arrived at the Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation last month for the John H. Saxon Service Academy Summer Research Program.
The West Point cadet studies Alzheimer’s and other neurodegenerative diseases during the academic year. However, Sasser said he was humbled and a bit overwhelmed in the lab of OMRF scientist Sathish Srinivasan, Ph.D., who focuses on the lymphatic system.
Lymphatic vessels transport blood, oxygen and nutrients throughout the body. When they stop functioning properly, fluid buildup results in a chronic and potentially life-threatening condition called lymphedema. Srinivasan’s lab is working to understand the mechanisms that promote the healthy growth of lymphatic vessels to combat lymphedema.
“The breadth of this field surprised me,” Sasser said. “I was surprised at how unexplored it is and how much this work this lab is producing to improve the understanding of lymphatics.”
OMRF’s Saxon program compresses an intensive summer internship into three to four weeks, culminating in a presentation of their research. John Saxon III, M.D., a Muskogee physician and OMRF board member since 2000, established the program to honor his father, a West Point graduate who was a career Air Force pilot and taught at the U.S. Air Force Academy.
“Some people may not think of basic science and the military as linked,” said Saxon. “But I thought that I could use OMRF’s work as an opportunity to stimulate some basic bench science interest with cadets at service academies.”
Now in its 12th year, the program has hosted 37 cadets since its inception. In addition to Sasser, a life science major from Cape Carteret, North Carolina, this summer’s students include Naval Academy Midshipmen Alexandra Foreman of Denver and Zoe Scooter of Boulder, Colorado, and Air Force Academy Cadet Philip Golder of Greenwood, Indiana.
Srinivasan, Sasser’s mentor, welcomed the opportunity to host his second Saxon student. “They are so focused, disciplined, respectful and so motivated,” he said, “and they bring such a positive aura that it bleeds over into the rest of the lab.”
After leaving ORMF, Sasser returned to campus to serve as a basic training platoon leader for new cadets before starting his senior year. With medical school in his sights, Sasser also departed OMRF with some essential experimental techniques.
“They apply these techniques to so many problems, and once I’ve mastered them, I can apply them to a variety of problems in my own research,” Sasser said. “This experience has been amazing.”

The Oklahoma History Center is pleased to announce the first Kilgen theater organ performance of 2022, featuring widely recognized organist Clark Wilson. He will provide the accompanying music and sound effects to the Harold Lloyd silent movie “Girl Shy.” The performance will be Monday, January 24, from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $10 for Oklahoma Historical Society members and $20 for nonmembers, and may be reserved by calling 405-522-0765. Doors will open at 6 p.m. and seating is on a first-come, first-served basis. The Oklahoma History Center is located at 800 Nazih Zuhdi Drive in Oklahoma City.
Silent movie icon Harold Lloyd, the star of “Girl Shy,” was recognized not only for his daredevil talents but also for his trademark horn-rimmed glasses. Of all the silent film comedians, Lloyd was the most profitable. His films out-grossed the movies of both Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton, and he made more films than both of them together.
In his previous performance at the Oklahoma History Center in October 2017, Wilson played two sold-out concerts accompanying the silent movie classic “Nosferatu.” A resident of Ohio, Wilson began his musical training at age nine and has received hundreds of accolades and awards in the course of his career.
The Oklahoma History Center is a division of the Oklahoma Historical Society and is an affiliate of the Smithsonian Institution, National Archives and is an accredited member of the American Alliance of Museums. The mission of the Oklahoma Historical Society is to collect, preserve and share the history and culture of the state of Oklahoma and its people. Founded in 1893 by members of the Territorial Press Association, the OHS maintains museums, historic sites and affiliates across the state. Through its research archives, exhibits, educational programs and publications the OHS chronicles the rich history of Oklahoma. For more information about the OHS, please visit www.okhistory.org.

Story and OU story scans by Darl DeVault, Contributing Editor

Seniors who prefer books in the world of digital access will descend on the Oklahoma State Fairgrounds for its huge annual free two-day Friends of the Metro Library Booksale 2022 on February 26 and 27. As thousands of book lovers gather in the Oklahoma Expo Hall, 3213 Wichita Walk, the sale provides hundreds of big print books printed with larger point size fonts to make it easier to read if you have weak eyesight and audiobooks.
“We are grateful for the way our Friends Booksale continues to be a fixture in the community for acquiring great, accessible books, supporting libraries and sharing a love of literacy,” said Tatianna Canon, vice president of communications and membership for the Friends. “The Friends Booksale is truly a local institution, and we are thankful for the support we receive to make it successful each year. The Booksale is one of the many ways the Friends organization works diligently to support local libraries and help them thrive.”
The most significant difference this year is customers must be a member of the nonprofit Friends of the Metro Library before the sale to come to the Friday ‘member’s only’ Pre-sale. Memberships and tickets will not be sold at the door this year to cut down on volunteer exposure to the crowd.
Due to the changing public health concerns surrounding COVID-19, the Friends will require all volunteers and guests over age 2 to wear a mask while assisting with and attending the book sale. Capacity requirements will be implemented as well, to keep patrons safe.
Safety updates will be communicated clearly in advance of the sale on Facebook, Twitter, and membership emails leading up to the event. Additionally, with the unexpected nature of the pandemic, the latest announcements and event information can be found at www.supportmls.org/fol/booksale.
The free admission annual sale opens to the public Saturday, Feb 26, from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., providing a diverse selection of paperback and hardcover books, CDs, DVDs, magazines and more for every demographic of customers.
This year, the sale’s theme is “Dive into a Good Book with Us.” The books feature a wide range of subjects—including fiction, nonfiction, cookbooks, biographies, medical, westerns, romance, children’s, encyclopedias, reference and foreign language books.
In the General Area, hardback books are one dollar each and paperbacks and magazines are 50 cents each. Collectors go for the Items in the Better Books Room, which vary in price, mostly under $5.
The sale raises money to support the Metropolitan Library System (https://supportmls.org/fol/). In its 41-year run, the Friends have given more than $4.9 million in grants to the system.
All of this is due to the tireless efforts of hundreds of volunteers each year. With 800,000 books available, the sale becomes the largest bookstore in Oklahoma for three days ending Sunday, February 27 – 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.
Customers shop for many reasons. Some are trying to select bestsellers, classics, collectibles and research books needed for school. Others seek to complete personal libraries in certain subjects, while parents strive to enhance their children’s reading exposure.
Selective shoppers are advised to volunteer or join the nonprofit to ensure the best possible purchasing opportunity. Volunteers helping this year will be treated to the best possible selection opportunity available by having access to the sale on Thursday for a special volunteers-only session.
Those who become members for $15 ahead of time can shop a Presale from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Friday, Feb. 25. Held the day before the sale goes public, members are invited to first access. Children 11 and under accompanied by an adult are free.
After 41 years, the sale is well established on the literary sale calendar for customers from all over Oklahoma, surrounding states and region. Book lovers line up all three days awaiting the 9 a.m. opening.
The multi-day event attracts more than 10,000 book lovers. Each year, a quick parking lot survey shows many of those customers are from out of state, coming to Oklahoma for the vast selection.
In some ways, the diverse selection offered represents a snapshot of high-quality current American publishing with the bonus that everything is available for purchase.
The Friends offer a year-round Amazon store to access their selection at Amazon.com. They also provide ‘Buy the Box’ sales where volunteers package and seal books by genre – buy a box of romance, mystery or children’s books – and enjoy the surprises inside.
The shopping is so robust at the sale volunteers offer a dozen checkout points in each of the two sections. And yet, so many customers arrive early a line forms for the first few hours each day.
The shopping is intense, almost competitive, as this is a once-a-year opportunity. Customers quickly buy the best music or audio CDs, gaming systems and video games, eReaders, DVDs and vinyl records.
Shoppers will see every form of wheeled cart pressed into service by other shoppers as they move among the sections of tables laden with thousands of books. Those sections are a broad cross-section of interest, from tables of books by Oklahoma authors to books about Oklahoma.
Some year’s special sections offer brand new books donated when book stores and Oklahoma publishing houses use their donations as a way to balance their inventory.
Many business and industry concerns are well represented when entities going out of business donate their libraries. Retiring attorneys and doctors donate to provide shoppers the chance to buy current-within-four-years law textbooks or books of law statutes and medical textbooks or medical journals at a steep discount.
Volunteer shifts are still open, as the group is still looking for volunteers! To volunteer for Booksale, visit Supportmls.org/Volunteer. Please select an opportunity and complete the online volunteer profile before volunteering, even if volunteering with a group. For additional questions, contact the Friends at 405 606-3763 or
friends@metrolibrary.org.