Wednesday, February 4, 2026

Navy Week Returning to Oklahoma City

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TAMPA, Fla. (March 21, 2022) Crewmember of Navy band southeast interacts with the public for Navy Week Tampa. USS Constitution, is the world’s oldest commissioned warship afloat, and played a crucial role in the Barbary Wars and the War of 1812, actively defending sea lanes from 1797 to 1855. During normal operations, the active-duty Sailors stationed aboard USS Constitution provide free tours and offer public visitation to more than 600,000 people a year as they support the ship’s mission of promoting the Navy’s history and maritime heritage and raising awareness of the importance of a sustained naval presence. USS Constitution was undefeated in battle and destroyed or captured 33 opponents. The ship earned the nickname of Old Ironsides during the war of 1812 when British cannonballs were seen bouncing off the ship’s wooden hull. (U.S. Navy Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Joshua Samoluk/Released)

By Lt.j.g. James Caliva

The U.S. Navy is preparing to bring Navy Week back to Oklahoma City June 26-July 2, with Sailors from across the fleet set to take part in the service’s signature outreach program. Oklahoma City Navy Week will give the community an opportunity to learn about the Navy, its Sailors and its importance to national security and prosperity.
Oklahoma City Navy Week will feature in-person demonstrations, performances, and engagements throughout the week that will include:
* Senior Navy Leaders – Flag officer and senior civilian Navy leaders with ties to Oklahoma City and the surrounding area.
* Navy Band Southeast – Performances and masterclasses with Navy Musicians.
* Navy Expeditionary Combat Command – Educational STEM presentations and fitness demonstrations by technicians, medics, and divers.
* U.S. Naval Meteorology and Oceanography Command – Educational presentation on the importance of atmospheric and oceanographic science and the overall value of STEM education to the Navy.
* Naval History and Heritage Command – Educational presentations and lesson plans about the deep ties between Oklahoma City and the Navy.
* Navy Talent Acquisition Group – Educational presentations, community service projects and static displays.
Oklahoma City was selected by the Navy Office of Community Outreach (NAVCO) as one of 15 locations for the 2023 Navy Week program. The Navy is returning to Oklahoma City following its last Navy Week which was held in 2019.
“We are excited to bring the Navy Week program to Oklahoma City,” said NAVCO’s director, Cmdr. Anthony Falvo. “Seapower and America’s Navy are more important now than ever before. The U.S. Navy remains our nation’s most powerful instrument of military influence and Navy Weeks allow us to showcase how the Navy serves America at sea, in the air, and ashore.”
“We coordinate about 75 outreach events during a Navy Week,” said NAVCO Navy Week program manager Lt. Cmdr. Kevin Chambers. “Outreach events range from corporate, civic, government, education, media, veterans, community service and youth engagements. We’re excited about this year’s schedule as it allows us to visit new markets as well as return to cities like Oklahoma City.”
Since 2005, the Navy Week program has served as the Navy’s flagship outreach effort to regions without a significant Navy presence, with over 250 Navy Weeks held in more than 80 different U.S. markets. Each year, the program reaches more than 140 million people — about half the U.S. population.

Oklahoma Senior Games Seeking Volunteers

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Oklahoma’s numerous indigenous cultures and Native American Nations are honored in the Dream Catcher-influenced medals.

Story by Darl Devault, Contributing Editor

Longtime volunteer Regina Stewart returns with a medal in 4×100 relay at a recent event.

The Oklahoma Senior Games provided a demonstration area at the Oklahoma State Fair, featuring Cornhole and Pickleball for the whole run of the Fair while recruiting volunteers for the remainder of this year’s events.
The largest interactive demonstration court for seniors at the Fair was one of the fastest-growing recreational sports, Pickleball. It is now widely embraced by seniors for its excellent health outcomes.
Pickleball is a recreational paddle sport for all ages and skill levels. Grandparents who welcome the opportunity to try new fitness outlets can play with their grandkids to stay active.
Whether seniors are looking for a way to exercise or want to be challenged at a competitive level, there is a place in the pickleball community.
Also displayed in the demonstration area were the uniquely Native American-influenced T-shirt and medal designs that earned the National Senior Games Association’s highest award for this year, recognizing the highest standards of excellence. The Oklahoma Senior Games T-shirts and medals were cited for demonstrating innovation in program development and following the NSGA’s and its athletes’ mission. It is rare for a state to earn national awards in both design examples in the same year.
The Games organizers say they count on the warm hospitality and strong sense of community spirit our citizens have shown as volunteers to allow the Games to thrive.
“Our volunteers are a major part of how and why our state has proven itself as a great place to compete in senior games each year,” longtime volunteer Regina Stewart said. “We have grown to offer more games because of the time and energy Oklahomans who do not compete have invested in offering the Games to those who compete.”
Oklahomans with a flair for community service can help. Volunteers can help promote healthy lifestyles by encouraging active seniors 50 and over to enhance their lives through athletic and recreational competitions.
Stewart, also a Games’ senior track athlete, directly supports the concept. “This keeps me motivated to stay active and compete, which allows me to be healthy,” Stewart said.
Volunteering opportunities abound as the statewide events grow to more than 2,000 competitors this year. She said your fellow citizens need your help conducting the many activities required to allow events to run smoothly as they finish in October.
Stewart said she knows the community will continue embracing what has come to be known as the “Oklahoma Standard.” The Games promote healthy lifestyles for seniors through education, fitness and the spirited competition of sports and recreational games. This inspires everyone to embrace health and enjoy the value of sports-related exercise.
Officials ask that corporations organize groups of volunteers of 10 or more employees who can be assigned to specific sports in Oklahoma City, Moore, Yukon, Muskogee, Norman, Shawnee, Bixby, Perry, El Reno, Catoosa, Lawton, and Owasso. These groups will be kept together to spark morale within the volunteering ranks.
Senior volunteers are the largest resource for the sanctioned state organization to produce yearly state games. This help allows the events to be the qualifying sites in the Sooner state for the NSGA national competitions.
The Games provide 29 sports, games and activities, some with variations, that provide athletic training opportunities and social interaction.
These are just some of the ways to volunteer for the 10 remaining sports on the schedule in October. For Cycling at Ft. Sill, the organizers seek help with check-in, course monitors, bike holders, refreshments, and medals. The other nine sports, such as Badminton, need check-in and refreshments help. Shuffleboard organizers need scorekeepers, while Tennis needs help with check-in, refreshments, water coolers, t-shirt sales, and ball retrieving/distribution. This gives senior volunteers willing to help an idea of the help needed in Cornhole, Volleyball, Pickleball, Golf, Table Tennis, Weight Lifting, Fitness Challenge, and Racquetball.
Please visit the newly expanded https://okseniorgames.com for more info on volunteering and all the sports and games offered. Call (405) 821-1500 for general questions or email info@okseniorgames.org.

Savvy Senior: Pill Splitting Dos and Don’ts

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Dear Savvy Senior,

Is pill splitting safe? I have several friends who cut their pills in half in order to save money, but I have some concerns. What can you tell me? Cautious Kim

Dear Kim,
Pill splitting – literally cutting them in half – has become a popular way to save on pharmaceutical costs but you need to talk to your doctor or pharmacist first, because not all pills can be split.
The reason pill splitting is such a money saver is because of a quirk in the way drugs are manufactured and priced. A pill that’s twice as strong as another may not be twice the price. In fact, it’s usually about the same price. So, buying a double-strength dose and cutting it in half may allow you to get two months worth of medicine for the price of one. But is it safe? As long as your doctor agrees that splitting your pills is OK for you, you learn how to do it properly, and you split only pills that can be split, there’s really no danger.
Ask Your Doctor
If you’re interested in splitting your pills, talk to your doctor or pharmacist to find out if any of the medicines you use can be safely split. It’s also important to find out whether splitting them will save you enough money to justify the hassle.
The pills that are easiest to split are those with a score down the middle. However, not every pill that’s scored is meant to be split. Pills that are most commonly split include:
· Cholesterol lowering drugs, like Crestor, Lipitor, Mevacor, Pravachol and Zocor.
· Antidepressants, like Lexapro, Celexa, Serzone, Paxil, and Zoloft.
· High blood pressure medicines such as, Accupril, Zestril, Diovan, Avapro, Norvasc, Tenormin, Toprol and Cardura.
· Erectile dysfunction pills, like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.
Use a Splitter
Having the right equipment is very important too. Don’t use a knife or scissors to cut your pills in half. It can cause you to split them unevenly resulting in two pieces with very different dosages, which can be dangerous. Purchase a proper pill cutter that has a cover and a V-shaped pill grip that holds the pill securely in place. You can find them at most pharmacies for $3 to $10.
For convenience, you might be tempted to split the whole bottle of pills at once. But it’s best to do the splitting on the day you take the first half, and then take the other half on the second day or whenever you are scheduled to take your next dose. That will help keep the drugs from deteriorating due to exposure to heat, moisture, or air. It will also help ensure that any deviation in the size of one dose is compensated in the next. It’s also important to know that pills are only safely split in half, and never into smaller portions such as into thirds or quarters.
Don’t Split These
Some pills should never be split. Drugs that are time-released or long-lasting and tablets that contain a combination of drugs probably shouldn’t be split, because it’s difficult to ensure a proper amount of active ingredient in each half. Pills with a coating to protect your stomach, and pills that crumble easily or irritate your mouth shouldn’t be split either, along with chemotherapy drugs, anti-seizure medicines, birth control pills and capsules containing powders or gels.
Again, your doctor or pharmacist will know which drugs can and cannot be split. If you’re taking a medicine that can be split, you’ll need to get a prescription from your doctor for twice the dosage you need. Then you can start splitting safely, and saving.

Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.

SNL: CENTENARIANS OF OK

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Patty Stevens

(Right) 100 years old. Patty Kelly Stevens, born in 1924 in Honolulu, Hawaii, was captured by Japanese soldiers in 1941 and interned in Manila until freed by U.S. troops at 20. She co-authored Waiting for America to share her story and proudly flies the U.S. flag, reminding all to “Honor Your Country!” We celebrate her resilience and love for her nation.

Helen Nigh

(Left) 100 years old. Meet Helen Nigh of Tulsa. She had a career as a commercial artist and her artwork is still in use for the Enid Christmas in July poster. Helen also painted a mural of animals in the Pediatric ward at St. Mary’s Hospital in Enid. She loves chocolate and Christmas is her favorite holiday. Helen’s words of wisdom to us today are: Never Close the Door.

Beulah Jones

(Right) 100 years old. Beulah (Underwood) Jones of Pawnee, born November 3, 1924, dedicated 40 years to hospital maintenance and community service. A devoted homemaker, she loved gospel music, quilting, and with Christmas being her cherished holiday, strengthening family ties. Her advice: “Nurture health through walking, balanced eating, and diligence; and cherish joy.”

Dottie Pennington

(Right) 100 years old. Dottie (Dorothy) Pennington of Tulsa celebrated her 100th birthday with lots of her favorite color – Pink – attire, balloons, cake and more! She was married to a US Air Force Lt. Colonel and moved often to bases around the world. Her extended family calls her Mama Dottie and tells great stories of visiting her on summer vacations. She sang them to sleep with her favorite hymn, Jesus Loves Me. Dottie’s words of wisdom for us today are: Always be Truthful.

 

 

 

Jimmo Settlement

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The Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) reminds the Medicare community of the Jimmo Settlement Agreement (January 2013), which clarified that the Medicare program covers skilled nursing care and skilled therapy services under Medicare’s skilled nursing facility, home health, and outpatient therapy benefits when a beneficiary needs skilled care to maintain function or to prevent or slow decline or deterioration (provided all other coverage criteria are met). Specifically, the Jimmo Settlement Agreement required manual revisions to restate a “maintenance coverage standard” for both skilled nursing and therapy services under these benefits:
Skilled nursing services would be covered where such skilled nursing services are necessary to maintain the patient’s current condition or prevent or slow further deterioration so long as the beneficiary requires skilled care for the services to be safely and effectively provided.
Skilled therapy services are covered when an individualized assessment of the patient’s clinical condition demonstrates that the specialized judgment, knowledge, and skills of a qualified therapist (“skilled care”) are necessary for the performance of a safe and effective maintenance program. Such a maintenance program to maintain the patient’s current condition or to prevent or slow further deterioration is covered so long as the beneficiary requires skilled care for the safe and effective performance of the program.
The Jimmo Settlement Agreement may reflect a change in practice for those providers, adjudicators, and contractors who may have erroneously believed that the Medicare program covers nursing and therapy services under these benefits only when a beneficiary is expected to improve. The Jimmo Settlement Agreement is consistent with the Medicare program’s regulations governing maintenance nursing and therapy in skilled nursing facilities, home health services, and outpatient therapy (physical, occupational, and speech) and nursing and therapy in inpatient rehabilitation hospitals for beneficiaries who need the level of care that such hospitals provide.
The Jimmo Settlement Agreement included language specifying that nothing in the settlement agreement modified, contracted, or expanded the existing eligibility requirements for receiving Medicare coverage. While the Jimmo Settlement Agreement resulted in clarifications of the coverage criteria for skilled nursing and therapy services in the SNF, HH, OPT, and IRF care settings, it did not affect other existing aspects of Medicare coverage and eligibility for these settings. A few examples of such other requirements would include that the services be reasonable and necessary, comply with therapy caps in the OPT setting, and not exceed the 100-day limit for Part A SNF benefits during a benefit period.
If you have a loved one in a Long-Term Care facility and have any questions regarding care or concerns you may have, you can contact an Ombudsman to assist you.
Areawide Aging Agency’s Long-Term Care Ombudsman Program advocates for the needs of residents in LTC facilities serving Canadian, Cleveland, Logan, and Oklahoma Counties. You may contact us at (405) 942-8500 and ask to speak with an Ombudsman or visit our website at https://www.areawideaging.org.

Public Health Veterinarian Plays Vital Role in Disease Investigations

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The Oklahoma State Department of Health (OSDH) relies on a state public health veterinarian for the surveillance, prevention and control of zoonotic diseases such as rabies and tularemia, which are spread from animals to humans. A veterinarian in this position also provides technical assistance in the agency’s preparedness and response efforts for bioterrorism threats such as anthrax and plague.
LeMac’ Morris recently joined the OSDH to serve as the state public health veterinarian after many years of practicing veterinary medicine in Sulphur. After leaving private practice, he went back to school to pursue a master’s degree in public health from the University of Iowa. While enrolled in the program, he worked for the Center for Food Security and Public Health, which is a specialty center for the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Upon graduating, he became a technical advisor working for companies manufacturing animal health pharmaceuticals and biologics.
As the state public health veterinarian, his duties will focus on zoonotic diseases and how they impact public health.
“A large portion of my responsibilities involve working with our team of epidemiologists evaluating the risk of exposure in rabies cases involving both humans and animals,” said Morris. “Perhaps one of my most important responsibilities is gathering and conveying pertinent information regarding zoonotic diseases to the veterinary community, to the public, and when needed, responding to assist in controlling disease outbreaks.”
He will work with teams performing mosquito surveillance to monitor diseases such as West Nile virus. His duties also consist of consulting with county health departments, health care providers, laboratory personnel and animal disease experts at Oklahoma State University and the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA).
Morris also works closely with local, state and federal partners to formulate and interpret laws, rules, and regulations for administration and enforcement of communicable and zoonotic disease intervention and control efforts.

Mark Harmon’s Impact Remembered on His 70th Birthday

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Star of the highest rated drama on TV, “NCIS,” Mark Harmon visited area for 16 years.

Story and photos by Darl DeVault and Richard Mills

For a decade, actor Mark Harmon, star of the CBS action drama “NCIS” provided the spark needed to propel The Children’s Center Rehabilitation Hospital in Bethany to a fundraising goal. He and his famous friends sustained a 16-year charity mission in the area raising more than $1 million through the “Pitch in for Kids” baseball charity game, bowling competition and auction.
Locally, Dr. Michael Wright of the Oklahoma Sports Science and Orthopedics (OSSO) was friends with Harmon during his time in San Bernardino. He participated in baseball charity games Harmon organized. Moving to Oklahoma City in 1998, Wright soon connected with The Children’s Center. (story continues below)

https://archwellhealth.com/

Wright then called Harmon to invite him and his charity team “the Bombers” to consider The Children’s Center as a fundraising stop on a several-city tour the team did each summer.
The Bombers played the OSSO Healthcare Network Outlaws, a team of physicians and staff members of the medical organization. Each year OSSO served as the primary sponsor and producer of this premier fundraising event.
The relationship with The Children’s Center began in 2001. The event was a rousing success. The team made the hospital its focus each year for that decade.
“It’s humbling to look back and see the positive impact Mark Harmon, the Bombers charity baseball team and the OSSO baseball team had on fundraising and raising our hospital’s visibility in the community,” said Albert Gray, executive chairman of the board at The Children’s Center Rehabilitation Hospital.
The first time Harmon visited The Children’s Center, patients greeted him at the door with excitement. At the time, the hospital only had a complex care unit with 100 inpatient beds. Harmon toured the facility, where the patients played baseball with him in the hospital gym. The children used toys to mark the bases and enjoyed their time with Harmon.
It was evident Harmon empathized with the patients, so raising money for this hospital was an easy decision. He saw the need and understood the hospital relied on private contributions from organizations and individuals to provide continued pediatric and rehabilitative care.
Although a career actor, Harmon is no stranger to competitive athletics. He was the UCLA Bruins’ starting quarterback in 1972 and 1973. The National Football Foundation gave him their award for All-Round Excellence in 1973.
For the 10 years Harmon and his friends helped the Children’s Center, they hosted a bowling competition and auction on Friday night for sponsors and hospital employees. On Saturday, the group staged a charity baseball game at the Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark in the afternoon before the minor league night game. Harmon was gracious in signing autographs while posing for photos with fans at the events.
The Bombers team of Harmon’s Hollywood industry friends and former star MLB players made the trip from southern California each year. Harmon’s college roommate and now his agent Barry Axelrod was the Bombers’ manager and often late-inning pitcher. Hollywood super producer Frank Marshall and MLB veterans Wally Joyner (first base) and Cy Young winning pitcher Rick Sutcliffe (now an ESPN broadcaster) accompanied Harmon each year. Other teammates included Mark Heydorff, Peter Dubrawski, John Sciarra, Steve Klausen, Ed Galigher, Brad Lyman, Jim Peterson, Deacon Nauslar, team historian and catcher Don Manning. Most years Scott Wedman, Rusty Van Dam, Scott Wedman, Bruce Walton, MLB veteran Mickey Hatcher and long-time player coach Chuck Olsen rounded out the team.
Often, local sports stars, celebrities and media members played for the OSSO team against the Bombers in the seven-inning game.
Harmon, the Bombers and OSSO raised $1 million through their annual fundraiser. This sustained the hospital in raising the remaining $9 million needed for a new Pediatric Medical Rehabilitation Unit. This unit added 20 additional inpatient beds, providing short-term care for children and teenagers needing rehabilitation after an injury or illness.
Many of the staff and supporters of The Children’s Center are certain God brought Harmon and the Bombers to Bethany each year.
The grateful management and staff at The Children’s Center wish Harmon a resounding Happy Birthday on his 70th birthday September 2nd. They are proud he and his friends played a key role in the legacy of helping children and teens heal and thrive, as the hospital has expanded to treat more patients since then.
Exciting recent developments at the hospital, with more than 700 employees, include the opening of a community compounding pharmacy. In keeping with the Bombers’ efforts, the hospital opened a state-of-the-art Adaptive Recreation and Fine Arts Center. They are working to open an adaptive ballfield for patients and the community later this year.
These new facilities expand the hospital’s reach into the surrounding community. It will offer children with differing abilities opportunities to participate in therapies, arts, and recreational activities.
“Harmon and his team truly had a heart for our patients, and the fact that we are weeks away from completing construction on our own ballfield speaks to the impact they had through their charity baseball game. We are forever grateful,” Gray said.
After finishing the fundraising drive for the hospital, Harmon and his group moved their philanthropic efforts to other children’s concerns locally for six more years before Dr. Wright moved his practice to Lake Havasu City, Ariz.
Revamped, it became the Mark Harmon Celebrity Weekend. Each year the team took part in a bowling event and a baseball game or golf event to raise funds for children related non-profits supported by the OK Kidz Charities Foundation.

OMRF postdoc receives national aging reward

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OMRF scientist Rizwan Qaisar has been awarded an Irene Diamond Fund/AFAR Postdoctoral Transition Award in Aging.

OMRF scientist Rizwan Qaisar has been awarded an Irene Diamond Fund/AFAR Postdoctoral Transition Award in Aging.
The award, presented by the American Federation for Aging Research (AFAR) with support from the Irene Diamond Fund, will provide $120,000 in flexible transitional funding to Qaisar, who is researching age-related muscle loss called sarcopenia at OMRF. Postdocs are individuals conducting research after finishing their doctoral studies and are pursuing further training and a well-defined career path.
AFAR is a leading nonprofit dedicated to advancing healthy aging through biomedical research. The goal of this program, according to AFAR, is to provide portable and flexible transitional funding for senior postdoctoral fellows as they develop and negotiate for faculty positions and research programs. The award provides full-time research training and grant support. Founded in 1981, AFAR has awarded more than $175 million in grants to investigators and students across the U.S., Ireland, Israel, Italy and the United Kingdom.
“By giving these postdoctoral fellows this extra boost at a critical moment in their career path, AFAR is helping create a research pipeline that is essential to advancing better therapies for age-related diseases and discoveries that will help us all live healthier and longer,” said Jeremy Walston, M.D., Chair of the 2017 Selection Committee for the Irene Diamond Fund/AFAR Postdoctoral Transition Awards in Aging.
At OMRF, Qaisar works in the Aging and Metabolism Research Program with under the guidance of Program Chair Holly Van Remmen, Ph.D. looking specifically at the role of oxidative stress, or free radicals, in the long-term deterioration of muscle. Qaisar researches potential interventions for the disease pathways for sarcopenia, specifically the activation of the SERCA ATPase.
Qaisar earned his Ph.D. at the University of Uppsala, Sweden. His academic focus was looking at the mechanisms of muscle aging, and evaluating potential therapies to counter age-related weakness and muscle loss.
“I am extremely grateful and honored to receive this award,” said Qaisar. “This funding will provide me with a real opportunity to push my research forward and make a difference for our aging population.”

Greg Schwem: Would the ghost in my closet kindly return my shorts?

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by Greg Schwem

I know my memory is ebbing as I age. Why else would I run to the Apple Store at least twice a year to replace charging chords I was CERTAIN I had packed before leaving the hotel room or home share property where I spend so much of my time now that I’m traveling again?
But I refuse to blame the alarming disappearance of wardrobe items on my mental faculties. Especially when my daughters are convinced a haunted spirit, one that seems to grow more annoying each day, lives within my family’s confines.
As I write this, I am still searching for a sweatshirt, adorned with my youngest daughter’s college emblem, that I planned to wear on a recent campus visit. I ended up having to purchase one at the university bookstore. Is it me or do colleges double the prices on souvenirs when parents’ weekend rolls around?
My oldest daughter, living at home while she completes an online master’s degree, is convinced the ghost took it.
“What ghost?” I asked, while tearing apart my closet and finding, among other things, an insurance card from 1997 and a receipt from a local paint store.
“The one that randomly closes my door,” she said. “And turns on the ceiling fan light when I’m sleeping. That happened last week.”
She is also convinced the ghost is male, as evidenced by the low voice she claimed to have heard one night while watching television; a voice her sister also heard from the other room.
“He took your sweatshirt for sure,” she said.
I scoffed at her supernatural beliefs, certain the shirt would turn up eventually.
Until my shorts disappeared too.
I had returned from a workout and, a day later, realized they were missing. Normally I wouldn’t care; I do possess other exercise attire, unlike some of the guys at my gym. I don’t know the name of the dude who spends 30 minutes every morning on the elliptical machine, but I do know he is very fond of his 1985-86 Chicago Bears Super Bowl T-shirt. On the rare day he is absent, I assume he is doing laundry.
But then I remembered I had put my driver’s license in these shorts. Ever lose your driver’s license? It limits your ability to perform a myriad of functions, only one of which is driving.
I searched my closet. I emptied my laundry hamper. I did the same to a half-unpacked suitcase from a previous trip. I strained my back pulling the washer and dryer away from the wall, convinced the shorts had fallen behind one of them. I checked unlikely places, including under my bed, my office desk drawers and even our kitchen pantry. I know that’s weird, but I once shut the pantry door not realizing our dog was in there. Never a barker, she simply laid down and napped until dinner time.
Meanwhile, my daughter watched from the doorway.
“It’s the ghost,” she said.
“It’s not the ghost,” I yelled in frustration, gesturing with a hand dripping in last week’s garbage. The shorts weren’t in there either.
“I know I did not leave the gym without pants. Somebody would have noticed. Probably the police.”
That evening I announced I would be getting up early to obtain a new license at the Illinois Department of Motor Vehicles. If the shorts turned up, I gave my wife and daughter strict instructions not to move them.
“Do not disturb the crime scene,” I said.
The next morning the shorts were neatly folded on my bathroom vanity.
“They were in my suitcase,” my wife said. “Don’t ask me how they ended up there.”
But I know EXACTLY how they ended up there.
The male ghost is trying to drive me insane.
So he can move in on my wife.
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.
You’ve enjoyed reading, and laughing at, Greg Schwem’s monthly humor columns in Senior Living News. But did you know Greg is also a nationally touring stand-up comedian? And he loves to make audiences laugh about the joys, and frustrations, of growing older. Watch the clip and, if you’d like Greg to perform at your senior center or senior event, contact him through his website at www.gregschwem.com)

SNL CROSSWORD CORNER ANSWERS

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Across
1 Concern when merging
10 Texas river diverted into the Red Bluff Reservoir
15 Museum download
16 Dippy
17 Stranger in many a family holiday photo
18 Cake made from ground nuts
19 “While I Was Gone” novelist Miller
20 Becomes, finally
22 “High Anxiety” actress
23 Say further
24 Corps member
26 Metered fleet
29 Treatment plant input
32 “The Cube” network
34 Delighted toddler’s demand
36 “Jinkies!”
37 Time worth studying
38 Gruff prescription for a minor injury
41 “Glad to hear it!”
42 Aspect
43 Branch of Islam
44 Org. whose members take hikes?
45 Mets slugger Pete who holds the record for most home runs by a rookie
47 Benefit
48 Irredeemable
50 Word of invitation
52 Cheese paired with kalamata olives
53 Do more than listen
56 __ diavolo sauce
59 #LiveUplifted sneakers brand
61 Arthroscopic procedure that may follow an MRI of the knee
63 McNairy of “Halt and Catch Fire”
64 Ride between runs
65 Buttonlike flower
66 Setting for some unboxing videos

Down
1 Some carpentry noises
2 Party with poke
3 Between jobs
4 Bupkis
5 Gave a shot, say
6 Efforts at resistance
7 Spot for a koi or a decoy
8 Ballpark figure
9 Emergency gear
10 Depression
11 Miso soup mushroom
12 Road show necessity?
13 Flirting with
14 Camille Pag n’s “Woman Last __ in Her Thirties”
21 “Your table’s ready” device
23 Warts and all
25 Relies (on)
26 Whoopi’s birth name
27 Drink often flavored with hibiscus
28 Aveeno product
30 Peer-to-peer sharing?
31 Add capacity to, in a way
33 French composer who influenced Ravel
35 Diet food choice
39 Some mechanical connectors
40 Dethrone
46 Egyptian god invoked in “The Magic Flute”
49 __ al pastor
51 Disinclined to form compounds
52 Media __: unplugged period
54 Sign of hollowness
55 “Proof” or “Doubt”
56 “Point taken”
57 Abounding (with)
58 Review-heavy newspaper section
60 Trough spot
62 Gp. central to the 1993 Oslo Accords

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