I burst excitedly into our family room, finding my wife and two daughters staring at their phones while some mindless reality show droned in the background. A typical night in the Schwem household.
“Attention, please, everyone,” I said. “In the name of science, I have found our next vacation destination.”
Crickets.
“Ahem, I said I have found our next…”
“We heard you,” my wife said. “And we’re not going.”
“You don’t even know where it is.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “We are not doing anything in the name of science.”
“Yeah, Dad,” my eldest chimed in. “Last year you wanted us to go to St. Louis and catch the flu. On purpose.”
“We would have each made $3,500,” I said, referring to last summer’s study at St. Louis University in which researchers sought out healthy volunteers who would consent to being exposed to the flu virus, followed by 10 days in quarantine.
“Dad, what’s in your hand?” my youngest asked. “Are those bolt cutters?”
“Yes,” I said. “We might need them if we are going to see aliens.”
My girls, huge fans of “Stranger Things” on Netflix, dropped their phones. I finally had their attention. My wife, not so much.
“What do you mean, ‘see aliens?’” my oldest said.
“On September 20, we are going to Groom Lake in Nevada, specifically to storm Area 51,” I said. “The event is on Facebook, and I’ve already responded ‘interested.’ Along with 1.4 million others.”
“Sounds like we’ll have no problem getting a hotel,” my wife said.
I gave my daughters a brief history lesson on Area 51, a highly-classified Air Force facility that, for years, has been the subject of conspiracy theories, most related to the housing and study of UFOs and other extraterrestrial beings that may have landed in this country.
The site returned to the news recently when California resident Matty Roberts created the “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All of Us” Facebook page. Roberts admitted the site, and the event itself, is a joke, but that hasn’t stopped 1.8 million people from insisting they are attending, including five of my Facebook friends.
“I’m going because I’m interested in history, and there are a lot of historical files at the base,” said Facebook friend Stephen Haas, 29, a New York City stand-up comedian. Then, he added, facetiously, “I’m not some conspiracy nutjob looking for aliens. I just want to know which Apollo 11 astronaut killed Kennedy.”
I pulled up Google Maps on my phone and began plotting our route. “If we fly, we should probably go to Las Vegas and rent a car,” I said. “Area 51 is about three hours away.”
“Can you just pick me up on the way back?” my wife asked. “I’ll hang out at the Mirage pool, and you can send me texts of the three of you cavorting with your new Martian friends.”
“Are you really going to uses the bolt cutters, Dad?” my oldest asked. “I’m interviewing for jobs now, and I don’t want ‘felony trespassing’ to pop up on my background check.”
I assured her I would only use them as a last resort.
“Or we could just borrow a pair,” my youngest said. “With over a million people in attendance, odds are pretty good that somebody has a spare set.”
“Let’s talk attire,” I said, changing the subject. “We may have to walk about 50 miles before we actually reach the gates, particularly if our flight is late. So sensible shoes are a must. And sunscreen.”
“We need as many portable phone chargers as we can carry,” my youngest said. “Can you imagine finally seeing an alien and not being able to put it on Instagram because your phone is dead? I. Would. Die.”
The three of us continued our checklist, adding and subtracting items at will until we were satisfied we were totally prepared to, as the Facebook page states, “see them aliens.”
“What if we get captured?” my oldest said.
“By aliens or the military?” I replied.
“Either.”
“Say nothing,” I commanded. “At least not without a lawyer present.”
“What if we get taken to a spaceship?”
“We’ll worry about that if it happens.”
“Ask them if their spaceship can fly to St. Louis,” my wife said. “Then you call all make $3,500 and spend 10 days with only each other as company.”
Sounds like a great vacation for next year.
(Greg Schwem is a corporate stand-up comedian and author of two books: “Text Me If You’re Breathing: Observations, Frustrations and Life Lessons From a Low-Tech Dad” and the recently released “The Road To Success Goes Through the Salad Bar: A Pile of BS From a Corporate Comedian,” available at Amazon.com. Visit Greg on the web at www.gregschwem.com.)
(c) 2019 GREG SCHWEM. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Integris Canadian Valley Hospital Volunteers
Just like today I’m going home to eat a bacon and tomato sandwich.
Carolyn Cury

A salad. I’ve eaten everything else.
Eugene Johnson

I want some barbecue ribs.
Zola Johnson

I don’t have favorites but probably a steak.
Nam Huynh

Dear Savvy Senior, What can you tell me about electric bicycles? A friend of mine, who’s almost 70, recently got one and absolutely loves it. He told me he rides more now than he ever did his regular bicycle. Interested Boomer
Dear Interested,
Electric bikes have become very popular among U.S. baby boomers over the past few years because they’re super fun to ride and easier on an aging body.
Electric bikes, also known as e-bikes, are conventional bicycles with a battery-powered “pedal” or “throttle” assist. When you saddle up and push the pedals or throttle, a small motor engages and gives you a boost, so you can whiz up hills, ride into headwinds and cruise over challenging terrain without gassing yourself or taxing your knee joints.
Many older e-bike owners say that they ride more frequently and go further and longer than they ever would with a traditional bike. Here’s what you should know about e-bikes, along with some tips to help you choose one.
What to Know
E-bikes are more complicated and expensive than regular bicycles, so you need to do some research before you purchase one. For starters, you need to know that there are three different types of e-bikes to choose from:
Class 1: “Pedal-assist” electric bikes that only provides assistance when the rider is pedaling, and only up to 20 miles per hour. These are the most common type of electric bikes.
Class 2: “Throttle-assist” e-bikes that let you use the electric motor without pedaling, like a motorcycle or scooter, but only up to 20 miles per hour.
Class 3: “Speed pedal-assist” e-bikes, similar to Class 1, except that the motor will assist with bike speeds of up to 28 miles per hour.
Because they’re electrically powered, states and local communities have varying regulations regarding the use of e-bikes. In many states, class one and two e-bikes are allowed to be ridden wherever a traditional bike goes, while class three are generally allowed on the street due to their higher top speed. For more information on your state’s e-bike laws, visit PeopleForBikes.org/e-bikes.
You should also know that e-bikes come in many different styles – commuter, cruiser, mountain, road, folding, etc. – just like traditional bikes to meet different riding needs. They also run on rechargeable lithium-ion batteries, and their motors are either hub-driven mounted on the front or rear wheel, or mid-drive motors that are mounted to the frame at the bottom bracket between the cranks.
The only downsides of e-bikes are weight and cost. Because of the battery and motor, e-bikes are much heavier than traditional bicycles weighing 50-plus pounds, so it can be more challenging if you have to manually lift or maneuver your bike a lot. And e-bikes are expensive, typically range between $2,500 and $3,500.
E-bikes are made by many of the same established companies that make traditional bikes like Specialized, Electra, Schwinn, Trek, Giant, Cannondale and Felt, along with a number of upstarts like Juiced Faraday, Pedego, Elby and Hi Bike. To shop for an e-bike, find some good bike shops in your area that sell them so you can test ride a few.
If you’re interested in a cheaper option, there are also e-bike kits you can purchase at places like Walmart, Amazon.com and eBikeKit.com that can convert your regular bike into an e-bike for a few hundred dollars.
Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.

Last spring was a discouraging time for Billy Mickle. He was diagnosed with liver cancer and his course of treatment seemed unsure.
Then he was referred to Nelson Royall, M.D., a Tulsa-based OU Physicians surgeon who was the first to bring major robotic liver surgery to Oklahoma. Royall used the robot to perform minimally invasive surgery on Mickle, removing the left lobe of his liver, in which the cancer was confined, and sent him home only three days later.
For Mickle, who lives in Sand Springs, Royall’s expertise was a godsend. The cancer had not spread, his small incisions healed quickly, and he’s back to his daily life.
“Dr. Royall and his staff are just amazing,” Mickle said. “I give him the highest praise.”
Royall brings a unique service to Oklahoma. He is one of only a handful of robotic liver and pancreas surgeons in the United States and is the first in Oklahoma to use the robot to perform surgery for liver and pancreatic cancer. He is fellowship-trained in surgery of the liver, bile duct and pancreas, bringing years of surgical oncology experience to patients in Oklahoma and around the region.
With robotic liver surgery, patients bleed less, meaning they don’t require blood products or transfusions, Royall said. They face a lower risk for complications, leave the hospital faster, and recover more quickly than those who undergo traditional open surgeries. Incisions are five to eight millimeters, which leads to less pain and scarring. In addition, the robot makes surgery possible for many patients who couldn’t tolerate open surgery or aren’t candidates for laparoscopic surgery because of other issues.
Patients also enjoy a good prognosis after robotic liver surgery because of Royall’s skills in performing more precise and advanced maneuvers than would be possible with laparoscopic surgery.
“The robot allows me to have 360-degree range of motion, which lets me get around difficult areas and structures,” he said. “I can perform more delicate suturing, and I can do complex movements without any difficulty. We also remove lymph nodes from the area to make sure the cancer hasn’t spread, and the robot allows me to remove them safely while protecting sensitive blood vessels and organs in the area.”
The robotic system provides additional tools to enhance the safety of the surgery. Three-dimensional imaging allows Royall to see where structures are in space. The robot also offers what is equivalent to X-ray vision – allowing him to see inside the liver and bile duct system.
“It allows me to quickly find the bile duct and blood vessels feeding the different parts of the liver,” he said. “I can make sure the ones that need to be protected are not injured during the surgery. It also helps to prevent leaks from areas like the bile duct.”
Royall finds it gratifying to provide a safer surgery that results in outcomes at least as good or better than traditional and laparoscopic surgery. His patients are grateful to have the option in Oklahoma.
“I was very blessed to have this surgery,” Mickle said. “I knew I was going to be alright.”

Agency Adds to Compassionate Allowances List
Andrew Saul, Commissioner of Social Security, today announced four new Compassionate Allowances conditions: CDKL5 Deficiency Disorder, Pitt Hopkins Syndrome, Primary Peritoneal Cancer, and Richter Syndrome. Compassionate Allowances is a program to quickly identify severe diseases and medical conditions that meet Social Security’s standards for disability benefits.
“Social Security’s highest priority is to serve the public and we are committed to ensuring Americans with disabilities receive the benefits they are eligible for,” said Commissioner Saul. “For over a decade, our Compassionate Allowances program has helped us accelerate the disability process for people who are likely to get approved for benefits due to the severity of their condition.”
The Compassionate Allowances program identifies claims where the applicant’s condition or disease clearly meets Social Security’s statutory standard for disability. Due to the severe nature of many of these conditions, these claims are often allowed based on medical confirmation of the diagnosis alone. The list has grown to a total of 237 conditions, including certain cancers, adult brain disorders, and a number of rare disorders that affect children. To date, more than 600,000 people with severe disabilities have been approved through this fast-track policy-compliant disability process.
The agency incorporates leading technology to identify potential Compassionate Allowances and make quick decisions. When a person applies for disability benefits, Social Security must obtain medical records in order to make an accurate determination. Social Security’s Health IT brings the speed and efficiency of electronic medical records to the disability determination process. With electronic records transmission, Social Security is able to quickly obtain a claimant’s medical information, review it, and make a determination faster than ever before.
For more information about the program, including a list of all Compassionate Allowances conditions, please visit:
www.socialsecurity.gov/compassionateallowances.
To learn more about Social Security’s Health IT program, please visit:
www.socialsecurity.gov/hit.
People may apply online for disability benefits by visiting www.socialsecurity.gov.
To create a my Social Security account, please visit:
www.socialsecurity.gov/myaccount.

Game Warden Jay Harvey, based in Atoka County, was honored by the National Wild Turkey Federation as the Oklahoma Law Enforcement Officer of the Year for 2018 during a regular meeting of the Oklahoma Wildlife Conservation Commission on Aug. 12 in Durant.
Presenting the award were Don Chitwood, eastern Oklahoma regional director for NWTF, and Terry Bourne, president of the Little Dixie Chapter of Durant.
Harvey, who won the same honor from NWTF in 2004, began his career as a Game Warden in 1992. He has been involved with various NWTF activities, especially with Jakes events. He has volunteered with the weeklong Wildlife Youth Camp for 20 years, serving seven years as camp director. In 2005, Harvey started a wildlife law enforcement class at Southeastern Oklahoma State University. And in 2017, his proficiency in airboat operations allowed the rescue or evacuation of more than 200 people as he volunteered for disaster relief in the wake of Hurricane Harvey in the Houston area.